Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
To start off, I'm 25 and male and I have Asperger's Syndrome, or so they say I do, I really don't know. I have no one to really talk to or I wouldn't be posting this on some random internet forum so this is more of a last effort.
I've been like this all throughout school from as far back as I can remember so this is something that's been apart of my life and it's just making me really down and depressed you could say. I have little or no friends in the world, unless you count online gaming friends who live in other states/countries. I still live at home, parents split up and work a measly 5 hours a day. Tried going to college like 4 times now and always drop out and quit because I really don't know what I want in life or from school. The things I have been very enjoyed with no longer are enjoying to me.
I love technology very much, used to be very good at web development (php coding, mysql, ajax, etc) but now it's like why bother, it's not going to do anything for me. Used to enjoy programming in c++, linux administrating, but don't enjoy that no more. The only thing that really brings me any joy is raiding in World of Warcraft, but even that is starting to get to me and I've done that ever since the game came out. I've tried different games to see if I could get some of that enjoyment back, but nothing. I don't even want to think of how much I've spent on buying new games and subscription fees trying to find one that would bring back the level of enjoyment I had at one point with WoW.
Is this a sign of depression or just me being lonely, lazy, or both or what? I've tried seeing a therapist about all this, but that didn't last very long because I just couldn't talk to someone about my personal life for some reason. Hell, I can't even talk to my own mother about it and I should be able to at least talk to her about anything, right?
Currently all I do is go to work from 4 to 9/10p Monday-Saturday, come home raid in WoW, then get off and go to sleep. All I do in the mornings before work is literally just sleep and sit there staring at something until time for work. Will occasionally sit outside with the dog since it seems that's the only thing that will be with me. Dogs really are your best friends I've come to see. I turn down offers to go out and have drinks with co-workers on Friday nights because well I don't drink, never have, and never see myself drinking. And I just don't feel comfortable at all interacting with people even though I've worked with them for the last 3 years.
I just really wished I could talk to someone and let all of this out of me, but I can't. Don't know why, I just can't. My life is just a pathetic pile of ****. Could there be something I'm missing from back when I was growing up, since we really just have found out I have "autism" about 6 years ago during high school. Could it be family related, we're not a real close family. Could it be my parents splitting up, I don't think it would be that as I seem to be fine with it, but I really don't know.
I don't even know why I'm posting this here. I guess I just want to let my feelings out somewhere. If it shouldn't be here, I'm deeply sorry for wasting the bandwidth and just delete it.
Can you try taking a couple of web design classes at a community college? Forget the degree for now and just focus on something you might like. Also, if friends from work ask you to join them for drinks and you don't drink alcohol, have something else. You might strike up a conversation with someone who shares your interests.
It's been said that one cause of depression for young people can be not being able to balance solitary time with amount of time spent with others. Many people don't know what their limit is or what they need; they're operating on what they "should" be doing.
BryceE, I think it would be a good idea for you to explore your Asperger's diagnosis a little more. I've read quite a bit about it because we have a young family member who has also been diagnosed. A common description of life with Asperger's is that it feels like living on an alien planet--the things that seem to come naturally to everyone else (like social interactions) are especially difficult. (Sheldon on Big Bang Theory is a great example of how a person with Asperger's might experience the world around them.) The good news is that many socially appropriate behaviors can be understood and learned but it does take lots of effort and practice. I'd recommend that you check out this website: Prosper with Aspergers: Autism Facts and Solutions - Aspergers in Adults. It has lots of really great Asperger's information that is specifically relevant to young adults like yourself. Also, rather than seeing a traditional counselor, you might try to get a referral to see an occupational therapist who specializes in autism-spectrum disorders. A good OT will have some strategies that will help you begin to branch out socially and might even be able to help you find a better job that fits your skills, strengths, and personality.
It sounds like you need some old fashion hugs.......not the (( web )) kind, but a human to human hug, if you can handle it. I say that because many Aspies shun touch of any kind. You are going to find that your AS is unique to you. Your traits won't be the same of your Aspie brother (if he is AS) or the kid across the street that is AS. AS may have it's own dx code in the the medical manual, but it's not something you catch, which many misunderstand. Think of Asperger's like a giant menu. Every Aspie has a few traits that makes you, uniquely you. It does appear there are some universal traits, and starting school and not finishing is not an uncommon one (moves too slow for many of you). Self-education is a major common trait........I'm willing to bet you taught yourself much the coding. Many dislike talking on the phone, hate being in areas overloaded with sensory stimuli. ADD/ADHD is not uncommon, nor is insomnia. I have a very dear friend that wasn't formally diagnosed until his late 20's. And even then, he went another 15 years before his formal diagnosis. He self-medicated and got his ADD under control, he drank to sleep. He finally realized he was getting nowhere, explored his and get proper treatment. Direct eye contract (or lack of) was another one if his traits. So, he would go to the doctors, not look them in the eye, tell the doctor he thought he had ADD/ADHD (of course after thoroughly researching it and pulling the dx codes), and couldn't sleep. (Basically asking for uppers and downers). They treated him like a drug seeker, so he had to return to his home remedy cocktails to make it through the day.
I met *Adam* (this same friend) not long after he decided to embrace his AS, he was in his early 40's. He was fed up, hated the telephone, never could get the hang of knowing when to speak and he asked me for help. I helped him find a specialist in adult AS and took him to the doctor. (I lived in Virginia, he lived in Massachusetts). It took time, but we did get him in with one of the top AS docs on the east coast........the doctor was furious with his own profession was treating him as they had. I still talk to Adam almost daily.....but I have also recognized in during that time-frame of seeking treatment for him, there are hundreds of AS adults without resources and a world around them that just doesn't get it. Everyday, someone thinks that co-worker is being rude, but if they stopped, they might see something deeper.
In my journey into the AS world and trying to help Adam, I met the owner of a website, Wrong Planet - Autism Community Alex Plank. He was a student here in Northern VA and is something of an AS activist. He's now in LA and getting the word out, not to the NT's (neurotypicals), but to the thousands of other Aspies. (That is a self-imposed name by those with Asperger's). Alex is going to be your generation's Temple Grandin.
As the others said, please get in touch more with your AS. It will be like a light bulb going on. You could be like Adam and able to camouflage your AS existence, or, more like Alex and embrace the AS. I don't think your parent's divorce has hit your hard, because I suspect one or more of your family is also AS and you are happier by having space. I do urge you to start poking around Wrong Planet. They've got a fair amount of resources there.......for every level of AS. Use what you like and eventually, you may even be able to counsel someone younger than yourself.........who also feels alone, even with family in the room. (That was the #1 complaint of every Aspie I have met, feeling lonely, even with people around them).
Best of luck to you and never apologize for bandwidth.....speaking up is the first step to feeling better about things.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
