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I've always had a hard time with this growing up. Everything I do and don't do revolves around me not having the confidence to achieve anything. The biggest blow to my confidence is that I don't have a job and that I am disgustingly obese. I've been battling with my weight for years with no progress and since I am now at my heaviest my confidence is shot.
You can see it in my I walk. My head is always down, I can't look people in the eye. I hate people touching me and being nice to me. I'm constantly irritable and angry. I wear dirty hoodies and jogging pants 24-7 everywhere I go, I barely groom myself, and live in my own filth in my room with roaches, rats, ants, and the occasional squirrel.
I am going to end up like my mother if this continues. If I had a job that would instantly boost my confidence but who will hire a dirty fat hood rat like myself? I can't keep living with my parents because it's only reinforcing my bad habits. Since I don't have 5 kids each like my sisters they don't care what I do or how long I stay as long as I don't have any kids.
I know exactly what I need to do but why is it so hard. I see my sisters all pretty individuals both extroverted and confident hell even 2 of my older sisters is fatter that me but that seem to have this perfect life even with kids while I am the odd one out.
I wish I could go back to when I was depressed..I rarely ate and sleep all the time I was at my lowest weight but now I am constantly eating.
Get counseling. Some county health departments have low cost or no cost counseling.
Every person I spoke to said the same thing but never had the courage to go. I still believe I would be wasting their time since other people were worse off than me and I don't matter so why bother? So now I'm stuck between wanting to go and being to scare off at the last minuet to saying that it'll pass in a couple of months. :/
I'm scared of what my family will think if they find out because they love to gossip and put everything on Facebook all the time.
Well then don't go to counseling and be happy with the way you currently are. Going to counseling means changing. Not going means staying the way you are.
As for your family posting things on Facebook which would hurt or embarrass you...
WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE WOULD DO SUCH A NASTY THING???
Just think about that. They are NOT your friends if they make you feel bad! I distance myself from people who make me feel bad or people who say negative things. I prefer to hang around with people who say nice things and make me feel good.
Find some good people to hang around with. Facebook is bad if it makes you feel bad - stop looking at it and don't associate with anyone who plays that game.
Instead go to a senior center and volunteer - lots of nice people there who have tons of good advice to share with you. Older people are also lonely, so it will cheer them up to have someone young to chat with!
Note: Also don't worry about what "other people think". (They are actually spending most of their time worrying about what you think about them!) It means nothing - do as you wish and do what is best for you.
Discipline yourself to do little things. Spend a minute in the morning making your bed. Rinse out your cereal bowl and put it in the dish drainer, instead of leaving it in the sink. There -- you haven't even left the house for work yet, and you've already accomplished two things to raise your self-esteem.
I think you are still very depressed, just coping in a different way. Medication can help lift you up far enough to start making small steps to improvement. You are still young and there is no reason to believe you can't change.
Get to a doctor for a physical and med evaluation. Just go, you are showing you care for yourself. **** what anyone else thinks about you taking care of yourself.
If I were you, my medium-term goal would be to get any sort of job and move out, perhaps with roommates/friends who can get you out of your cave.
Short term goal...whatever you think you can make into a habit. Try doing something (no matter how small) for 30 days and see if you don't feel better. Then try something else. Don't necessarily focus on your weight (that can come later) but on doing something that makes you feel like a healthy, average human.
It will take time, but keep reminding yourself to move forward, even in miniscule increments.
Duckling,
You have to force yourself to get moving!
Even if it's little at first... gradually increase how much you do each day.
Make a list and check them off... IE:
1. Do some exercise... even if it's just stretches at first - it feels good!
2. Prepare and eat healthy breakfast... eggs with lots of vegetables
3. Go on a walk outside - just around the block or somewhere beautiful in nature.
4. Clean up - even if it's just for 10 minutes... force yourself to do it!
5. Write a list of what you're grateful for with each letter of the alphabet. Gratitude is important!
6. Go to the library and look up 2 topics you're interested in... or online, whatever is most fun.
7. Take a career test... consider what you'd like to do and every day work toward it.
etc.
I hope the best for you!
Get moving (even if you don't feel like it) & you'll feel better soon!
I agree with Zentropa. You seem to still be very depressed.
You need to see a doctor. BUT don't expect any meds you might get a Rx for to do the work for you. You have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and make an attempt. Some days you will have to talk yourself into it and other days you will have to force yourself to do it. No one ever told me that life was easy. Did anyone tell YOU that?
I did not know my own strength until I was completely alone (meaning not in a relationship). I have new-found strength in myself. That brings with it a HUGE amount of confidence. It also brings with it the knowledge that a storm can be weathered.
Start small. Take many steps. (Not necessarily in this order)
1. Go to the doctor.
2. Stop wearing dirty clothes - wash them. Wearing clean clothes will likely make you feel better. Do your laundry and do it only for YOU.
3. Take a walk. Walk to the end of the sidewalk. Walk to the mailbox. Walk to a spot that is closest to the door. Then, in a week, walk a bit further.
4. Listen to your negative self-talk. When you catch yourself saying negative things (like, "That was a stupid thing to do"), immediately stop yourself. Say something to the affect of "I didn't know that was going to happen" or say something as if you were talking to your best friend. Afterall, would you say, "That was stupid" to your best friend?
5. Find someone who will be supportive of you: a family member, a friend, clergy, etc.
6. Find other clothes to wear. Get out of the sweats. Goodwill and Salvation Army have cheap clothes in all different sizes. Start taking a bit of pride in yourself, no matter what size you are.
7. I am going to assume that if you aren't taking care of yourself, you aren't taking care of your home. Work on that. Take small steps doing that as well. If you have mail piling up, it can look overwhelming. Start with one table. Do another next week. It didn't happen overnight, so it won't get fixed overnight.
8. Try to figure out what's bugging you. There is something inside you that is creating this feeling. Get out a notebook and write. It just might come out in your writing. Or you will just feel better getting it off your chest.
9. Make better food choices. Not all at once. Just change things around. Sometimes, yogurt IS a good substitute for ice cream. I noticed that once I started walking, I just started making better choices, because I didn't want to walk 4 miles for a brownie (for example). (This is where laziness played a benefiicial part! LOL)
Hi Ducklings
Don't be depressed and don't think about people just do what you want to do. Take the things positively and you will see every thing will be better.
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