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Earlier this week, I learned that an actress that I have based so much of my fantasy life on died this September........................about eight years ago. She had been out of the limelight for years, in another country, and the report of her death only reached the Internet this year.
As such, I have been in quiet, rationalizing controlled shock for the past couple of days. Been telling myself that it's a bit late for a wake, how it is all in the mind seeing how I only knew her from what I saw on the screen, even how the entire imaginary concept of her is based more on her stage name than actually on her.
But the thing is, that while the stage name (and a mispronounced name at that) was the start of it, the concept built up around her, the imaginary character was centered on her. "She" was the acting personalty I used so often. A mental command, a licking of the lips, and in about 8 seconds, my world cleared to be her, to have her approach to life. She was an immortal spirit, playful, adventurous.
When I had a part to play in a scene, I often played her first to achieve the jump. When I was "Felix" in an Odd Couple scene, I was her first, there to drive my "Oscar" insane by being an imp right there in her ranks, right next to her, but unseen, unknown. I danced as her, in fact, almost all my dance was based on her, on that concept. In the past year or two, I've added to my dance personalties, both because of the realization of her limits and the need to expand approaches, but she is still the fav, the easiest to be.
It's been a blow to the energy core I have based on her. The wind was robbed from the sails. In time, I suppose, I hope, the core will be re established and I can continue being the conceptual her when I need to. Further, as one piece of insight this morning proved............
...........considering how you've had this concept on someone who has been dead for the past 8 years.......you really got your money out of them.
People, regardless, do eventually die. It is a fact of life. Other actors I have admired, indeed even used for inspiration, such as Winston Rekert, have died and in Winston's case, I was about 3 months late to the funeral. It was a shock, but not as devestating as this one. I suppose because the shortness of time and that he wasn't as much an inspiration as Aja.
And as I said, eventually the energy core probably will be recharged......but this week has been dragging and I am just questioning the wisdom of such idol worship.
Earlier this week, I learned that an actress that I have based so much of my fantasy life on died this September........................about eight years ago. She had been out of the limelight for years, in another country, and the report of her death only reached the Internet this year.
As such, I have been in quiet, rationalizing controlled shock for the past couple of days. Been telling myself that it's a bit late for a wake, how it is all in the mind seeing how I only knew her from what I saw on the screen, even how the entire imaginary concept of her is based more on her stage name than actually on her.
But the thing is, that while the stage name (and a mispronounced name at that) was the start of it, the concept built up around her, the imaginary character was centered on her. "She" was the acting personalty I used so often. A mental command, a licking of the lips, and in about 8 seconds, my world cleared to be her, to have her approach to life. She was an immortal spirit, playful, adventurous.
When I had a part to play in a scene, I often played her first to achieve the jump. When I was "Felix" in an Odd Couple scene, I was her first, there to drive my "Oscar" insane by being an imp right there in her ranks, right next to her, but unseen, unknown. I danced as her, in fact, almost all my dance was based on her, on that concept. In the past year or two, I've added to my dance personalties, both because of the realization of her limits and the need to expand approaches, but she is still the fav, the easiest to be.
It's been a blow to the energy core I have based on her. The wind was robbed from the sails. In time, I suppose, I hope, the core will be re established and I can continue being the conceptual her when I need to. Further, as one piece of insight this morning proved............
...........considering how you've had this concept on someone who has been dead for the past 8 years.......you really got your money out of them.
People, regardless, do eventually die. It is a fact of life. Other actors I have admired, indeed even used for inspiration, such as Winston Rekert, have died and in Winston's case, I was about 3 months late to the funeral. It was a shock, but not as devestating as this one. I suppose because the shortness of time and that he wasn't as much an inspiration as Aja.
And as I said, eventually the energy core probably will be recharged......but this week has been dragging and I am just questioning the wisdom of such idol worship.
I think there is a degree of delusional thinking to be inspired by fictional characters, and at the same time, sometimes fictional characters are also representations of people IRL.
They somewhat go hand-in-hand to some degree. But, to say "I want to grow up to be JUST like Cinderella. Just LIKE her," and then grow up with fictional fantasies.. sure it's great and all, but IRL aren't role-models people we admire for some accomplishment that's made a meaningful impact of some sort?
Idolizing RL people seems to make more sense, but even then, when people idolize others, they don't really know the person that they worship on a day-to-day basis. They're just as human. Admiring is one thing, but worshiping implies: "I will do or say anything you want me to do, because I no longer believe in anything but you and I dedicate my all to you." It's a sort of brainwash that can too, go haywire.
I think there is a degree of delusional thinking to be inspired by fictional characters, and at the same time, sometimes fictional characters are also representations of people IRL.
They somewhat go hand-in-hand to some degree. But, to say "I want to grow up to be JUST like Cinderella. Just LIKE her," and then grow up with fictional fantasies.. sure it's great and all, but IRL aren't role-models people we admire for some accomplishment that's made a meaningful impact of some sort?
Idolizing RL people seems to make more sense, but even then, when people idolize others, they don't really know the person that they worship on a day-to-day basis. They're just as human. Admiring is one thing, but worshiping implies: "I will do or say anything you want me to do, because I no longer believe in anything but you and I dedicate my all to you." It's a sort of brainwash that can too, go haywire.
I put this picture on Ann Turkel in my diary yesterday http://www.annturkel.com/index.images/mult1.jpg
as part on a concept to strive to, between finding the way I want to live in my ranch house (whenever I get it built) to finding my way of inner peace as I get older. The conscience clicked on today, however, pointing out that "You are looking at a photo shoot of her, one moment in time and a staged moment at that. Be inspired and mimic as you like, but know there is no information there on how that was achieved." (or something like)
Admittedly, I have over my life taken this trait of that character in which book and made it part of my own, such as late night cooking in the kitchen came from https://img0.etsystatic.com/020/1/74...26790_iowd.jpg ...... but it was reinforced by an infamous Texas murder case. How I teach my classes is partially based on "Adderly" (a part Winston Rekert played). Traits here and there for the moment when it suits...but it is just that, traits and it is here and there but not always, not going all the way, not going overboard....................
............................ALTHOUGH perhaps my boot craze is more attributable to Stevie Nicks than anything else.
I'll recover from the passing of Aja. By the way, I always said "AH-Jah"; she called her stage name by the Steely Dan pronounciation. It is rather interesting but I'm sure just a coincidence that she, Winston, and Bernard Behrens (another actor I liked though I'm can't recall if I borrowed traits from him) all died in September, about 5 dates of each other (the men in the same year). Whether my fantasy version remains my most active played personalty or I decide to use another, however, remains to be seen.
Well, if you are going to crucify me (or at least hand palm me), at least say why, or about which part.
Let's take that The Phantom book cover. In the upper right hand cover, the girl with a gun is "Laura" and late night, there in her kitchen, flour dusting her jeans, she is called out of her home to do a special job. I read that as a child but it was one of the major things that inspired me to learn how to cook. Oh, not the prospect of being called out to do special jobs, but as a way to be one's self when alone.
Or what about "Adderly"? I liked the episode, "Class of '87". It was the first episode that I ever saw of the show. In it, he's temporary assigned to their spy school as an instructor and he approaches it as being positive, inspiring his students to think. That's the way I sort of approach things.....sort of.
Or maybe it is because you know who Aja was.
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