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I am in a funk. I just don't feel like I belong in this world any more. I once was a jock, fast mover, fun lover. I am in my late 50's, college educated, Veteran, married 35 yrs., two grown sons...successful. Nothing for me here in this town I grew up in. Wife would rather talk on phone, watch Opra, house renovating shows, the View than do anything with me other than go out to dinner/social functions. Sons I was once close to and who I thought adored me, now think I am a looser ....(maybe I am). Wife is moving to a different state this comming yr. with or without me. Bunkered in(PTSD) for nearly 20 yrs. but have come through it and more, I think. After spending nearly 14 hrs. under the knife with three gastro surgeries nearly 2 years ago, I do not fear death as I did when I was in the service. In fact, at times I welcome it. I've told my family how I feel but as I've been told by my wife and sons, nobody cares. Everyone has their own problems. They tell me I am a dinosaur, too sentimental and to get into the 21st century. My greatest pleasures are working out (I've always been a Gym Rat) and folk music and I do care about others (perhaps too much)Have been on meds for 30 yrs but so what. Maybe I don't belong.
I am in a funk. I just don't feel like I belong in this world any more. I once was a jock, fast mover, fun lover. I am in my late 50's, college educated, Veteran, married 35 yrs., two grown sons...successful. Nothing for me here in this town I grew up in. Wife would rather talk on phone, watch Opra, house renovating shows, the View than do anything with me other than go out to dinner/social functions. Sons I was once close to and who I thought adored me, now think I am a looser ....(maybe I am). Wife is moving to a different state this comming yr. with or without me. Bunkered in(PTSD) for nearly 20 yrs. but have come through it and more, I think. After spending nearly 14 hrs. under the knife with three gastro surgeries nearly 2 years ago, I do not fear death as I did when I was in the service. In fact, at times I welcome it. I've told my family how I feel but as I've been told by my wife and sons, nobody cares. Everyone has their own problems. They tell me I am a dinosaur, too sentimental and to get into the 21st century. My greatest pleasures are working out (I've always been a Gym Rat) and folk music and I do care about others (perhaps too much)Have been on meds for 30 yrs but so what. Maybe I don't belong.
Every one belongs. No matter what, everyone belongs somewhere in this life.
I have been on meds since I was 11, I am now 34, and I will be on them, the rest of my life.
Just a fact of my life. And I belong. Welcoming you...
Forget the wife and kids. Star in your own play! Make Lou the leading man, invent the life you have always wanted to live. If your wife leaves, that's her deal. What you do is yours! Late 50's? My husband is 56 and he is a very active, loving, giving man. So, I am sure that you too have a lot to give!
Your meds may need to be adjusted?? Perhaps you need other things like Vitamin B12 or light therapy? (tis the season for Seasonal Affective Disorder).
Can you take a vacation somewhere warm and sunny so you can worship and pamper yourself? Collect your thoughts away from the monotonous everyday home routine.
I am pulling for you Lou. You have worth, you are important. Your kids are raised and it is your time to shine!!!!!!!!
Late 50's is not considered "old" anymore. It sounds like your wife and kids are the ones with a problem though. I think I can assure you that if you are the one who left them for awhile, they'd be missing you. You sound like a wonderful person. It doesn't sound like you would lack companionship either. We can't have too many "good people" around. Heck, move to Oklahoma, we'll welcome you with open arms!! Take care of YOU!
I think the fact that you care enough about yourself to work out and be a gym rat shows that you DO belong and that you have something to live for and that you do care. Perhaps you and your wife could attend some kind of marriage counseling together, and if she won't go - go by yourself to gain some insight into what the problem(s) are and how to deal with them in a manner that will produce results. Maybe you all could go to family counseling, but I'd probably start with the marriage counseling first.
Maybe your TV set needs to "break down" to get your wife of the couch. Maybe try to get involved in activities you and your wife could do together. How about a group ballroom or salsa or swing class? What about hiking or biking?
Or ... in the alternative, since my dad is glued to his TV set and my mom is bored out of her mind, maybe you could hook up with her!!! (Just kidding!)
I wish you the very best and NEVER let anyone make you feel as though you don't belong or that you don't matter - because you DO!!!
I am in a funk. I just don't feel like I belong in this world any more. I once was a jock, fast mover, fun lover. I am in my late 50's, college educated, Veteran, married 35 yrs., two grown sons...successful. Nothing for me here in this town I grew up in. Wife would rather talk on phone, watch Opra, house renovating shows, the View than do anything with me other than go out to dinner/social functions. Sons I was once close to and who I thought adored me, now think I am a looser ....(maybe I am). Wife is moving to a different state this comming yr. with or without me. Bunkered in(PTSD) for nearly 20 yrs. but have come through it and more, I think. After spending nearly 14 hrs. under the knife with three gastro surgeries nearly 2 years ago, I do not fear death as I did when I was in the service. In fact, at times I welcome it. I've told my family how I feel but as I've been told by my wife and sons, nobody cares. Everyone has their own problems. They tell me I am a dinosaur, too sentimental and to get into the 21st century. My greatest pleasures are working out (I've always been a Gym Rat) and folk music and I do care about others (perhaps too much)Have been on meds for 30 yrs but so what. Maybe I don't belong.
You're still a young man for God's sake, don't get down on yourself. It really is too early for you to get busy dying. Try to get busy living. You're in your late 50s, so what? It wasn't that long ago that you were in your late 40s. Why not become a lawyer and practice law? Your age would be valued not considered a liability. Find something worth pursuing, find a place where you can go spend a little time to energize yourself and gain clarity. My suggestion is to visit San Francisco. This may sound 21st century but it's not...Create your own reality.
Listen to your wife too and trust her intuition. She wants to move to a different state for a reason. Go with that. Explore that. The change sounds like it will do you good.
Your post has inspired me. I am in a bit of pain right now, from my RA. All of the joints are really aching.
Exercise. I have not exercised in a while. I thought about your post last night, and I said to myself, dag on it I am gonna get back to my walking.
Our lives are so busy anymore, my children are in school. I feel like maybe when I get home I can try and walk. I don't know.
I was walking at leasst 2 miles a day this summer. I would range 2-8 miles, depending on the day, the time, my emotions. It felt good.
Thank you, I am going back.
You belong. We all do. Somewhere in life we find out where. Sometime in life we find out. I found out this summer that I belong. I am not turning back... I belong too... friend
I almost have nothing to add as every post here is excellent. I guess I would say that you are getting verbal abuse from your family and that isn't right, and it is beating you down. I would suggest that you join a group where you can meet other people. Continue with the gym but do something that interests you outside the family, such as a club. Find out what your other interests are. Sierra Club for hiking? Join a folk music group. You need some good friends in your life for support if you don't have any now.
It took me years to break free and reach this state.
It was a lot of work, but I finally made it and I am able to leave all the garbage behind with those who "belong".
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I'm pulling for you too Lou!
