Impatience and Anger

[purehuman]

Originally Posted by tarajane2013

But if I did let him do what he wanted I would be there to see him in horrible agony. I have thought many times about just giving him all his meds including heart, kidney meds and let him be in charge and say have at it. but he would not keep them straight. Have you taken your morning pills, no have you taken your night pills no, do you need a pain pill no. That's on my mind 24/7. My ship is about to sink and I have no life vest. I am going to find a good therapist, don't know how to find a good one but I will work on it. Maybe it's ME that needs therapy to learn how to deal with this. Take care

You're putting his well-being waaaay over yours. Rather than see him in "horrible agony", you'll go through it yourself. (the compassionate act of one who loves another more than themself). The mind is even more important than the physical shell we reside in.
Put his pills on the table where he knows that they are....marked morning and night. Don't leave the pain pills where he can access them. It may sound cruel, but I wouldn't give him any until he's taken the other, necessary ones first....Anyone I've EVER known who suffers severe pain (myself included at times) NEVER NEVER forgets to take those pain pills..........If he finds he's in "horrible agony" he'll remember mighty quick. He doesn't have to right now because you're living that part of his life for him. It's not your ship that's sinking tarajane, it's his, and you've decided to go down with him.
It's only because you're feeling so down about your life, that I feel OK to say that you need to tell him you ain't babysitting his meds anymore.....maybe the pain is what he needs...to straighten him out and make him want to do what he needs knows doing. Why should you do that?...they're HIS conditions, not yours, yet it sounds like they're hurting you more than him.....and that can only happen if you let it. You gotta love yourself too...
He's a grown man...it can't always be about him, and just because he's disabled does not mean it has to.
You need to believe that, and not feel bad that you do. Your life is precious too, you know.

[WorldKlas]

Originally Posted by tarajane2013

But if I did let him do what he wanted I would be there to see him in horrible agony. I have thought many times about just giving him all his meds including heart, kidney meds and let him be in charge and say have at it. but he would not keep them straight. Have you taken your morning pills, no have you taken your night pills no, do you need a pain pill no. That's on my mind 24/7. My ship is about to sink and I have no life vest. I am going to find a good therapist, don't know how to find a good one but I will work on it. Maybe it's ME that needs therapy to learn how to deal with this. Take care

There you go! You have touched on the solution for you. While you started your thread with self-anger over your frustration with DH's limitations, the real anger trigger is that he seems to have a purpose that you are not aligned with. You have several justified fears over his interest in changing his medications so there is a control issue also invovled. You resent all the responsibility but refuse to give it to him because you don't agree with his idea. This is overwhelming and makes you question your competance to emotionally handle the demands of a very ill partner as well as whether you really love him. Therapy needed to sort thru all this! Perhaps you fear what you will learn, and already know but hopefully you will develop the tools to come up with and manage a plan that helps you work thru all this with a lighter heart and clear head.

[tarajane2013]

Thanks to all of you. You pretty much hit the nail on the head. I am going to therapy when I can find a good one. I would love to feel if just for a little bit, mentally free with no worries, doesn't everyone want that? Maybe I can work on that. Thanks again, I hope this helped others in this situation. Carry on.

[GJJG2012]

Cannabis oil would be a good treatment, but not allowed in most states & countries to protect wealth and power. It is God's plant, not synthetic chemicals. Helps hundreds of conditions. If you want to see where it is legal in US norml.org/ Wikipedia has worldwide info on legality or lack of it. It has been proven to help alcoholics cut back. Fights most cancers & other fatal illnesses, helps almost any mental condition. I know of 2 on pacemakers that use cannabis with no problems. Docs are brainwashed about this. Best wishes.

Originally Posted by tarajane2013

He is not the same man I married nor am I the same person. He is in real orthopaedic pain it is real. He is on Methadone. He needs a shoulder replacement but he has stage 3 kidney disease a quad bypass and a pacemaker and 3 stents and they don't know if he can survive the surgery. He wants to get off the Methadone but won't do it medically. He thinks if he just quits taking it nothing will happen to him... Withdrawal kills. He would also drink if I didn't throw such a ***** fit when he mentions it. Comes from a family of alcoholics but back then I didn't know much about stuff like that. Thanks