Bipolar girlfriend wants me to be more social but I have anxiety when I am around people, HELP! (smoking, addict)

[Tosh123no]

My girlfriend is 37 and I'm 28. She is bipolar and has borderline personality disorder but hasn't been officially diagnosed. She's used alcohol to self medicate since she was 14 and she's always been able to use alcohol and smoking to meet new people all the time despite losing friends all the time thus drinking/smoking/the addict scene has kept a steady stream of temporary friends in and out of her life for years.

Right now she's in rehab and is working on completing a 30 day program. She decided to enter the program when she realized she had a drinking problem. It took a lot of terrible things for her to realize it, consisting of 2 DUIs, 2 totaled cars, numerous health problems, ***being hit by a car*** and having a ***seizure*** from alcohol poisoning and alcohol withdrawls. She's doing well in the program but what worries me about all this is the way this program centers around friendship and connections; Since She CRAVES ATTENTION and is ALWAYS STARVING FOR ATTENTION/praise I am afraid she will come out of this program and pressure me to make friends with everyone she meets or thinks would make a good friend.

In the past she has told me she wants us to make friends with couples and go on double dates together. I was diagnosed with SEVERE ANXIETY and have been struggling with it since I was 14. I am unable to speak to people so I live in fear of the thought of a DOUBLE DATE. She doesn't understand why I feel this way about meeting people and being around people and takes PERSONAL OFFENSE when I am unable to speak to her family or partake of social interactions with the temporary friends she makes for 1-4 months. I call these new friends temporary because they usually break contact when they my girlfriend has an episode around them (yells at them, accuses them, talks about wanting to cheat or hits on their partner) and they realize she is bipolar or she tries to hit on them (since her friends are usually straight women). And no she is not bisexual..she just sometimes thinks she is attracted to her friends (male or female). But my therapist told me most likely that is just the bipolar taking control. I'm just glad she hasnt made any friends with men..im sure they would take her up on that offer lol. anyways....

My fears came to fruition when I visited her for the first time in 2 weeks at the rehab facility. She introduced me to EVERYONE there. I wanted to dieeeeeeeeee.

We have had arguments about the anxiety before (about my inability to speak to people) and I have used those arguments as opportunities to tell her about my diagnosis for SEVERE ANXIETY. But since she was already angry, when I told her about the diagnosis she accused me of "making it up" and "lying" and was verbally abusive towards me. Whenever anyone tells her anything she doesn't want to hear she is verbally abusive. I am not the exception.

So what I want to ask is if anyone has any ideas, tips, or tricks to deal with this situation.....

It's important that I build a plan now while she is away so I have an idea of what I am going to do when the situation comes up.
It's also important I deal with this now because my anxiety can be outwardly non-existant or manifest itself outwardly in a big way and I need her to understand that before I have a major episode. The worst episodes I have had are hyperventilating followed by fainting.

How can I make her understand that I am not doing this to upset her or anyone else?

[Ottawa2011]

If she doesn't listen to you, and doesn't respect your needs, then there you have it. There's no reason why you should be the one constantly making the effort to placate her.

[Wannabenonymous]

I read the whole post and I have this to say about social anxiety

As a person with social anxiety you will always be shy and not value company as much as the typical person
This is totally fine and any reasonable person will understand this and let you be
In other words nobody in the world will force you to be who you aren't
Not even mind-altering substances will change who you are at your core

What CAN change is something that's become so cliche that people like you and me gloss or glance past it without much consideration (since we have so much mental baggage about things)
That SOMETHING is called your attitude ... attitude towards WHATEVER and ANYTHING

The only way you can understand what this means is if you kick down the door to your subconscious mind and re-wire yourself towards positive thinking

Once you figure out how to do this YOU CAN SYNTHESIZE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS no matter what crazy stuff is happening around you
You'll be able to steer otherwise negative people into seeing the positive side of things
And you'll be able to do this without having a nervous complex about your social anxiety

In fact I'm so sure that once you re-wire your brain / subconscious thinking patterns to thinking positive things and telling yourself "positive self-talk" you will rid yourself at least of the anxiety which you currently have about how shy you are

You may never however get over your aversion to social gatherings and talking to strangers
You MAY become more comfortable accepting that you are a shy guy
And people will still like you even if you are shy
AS LONG AS YOU ARE A POSITIVE PERSON AND HAVE ONLY POSITIVE THINGS TO SAY WHEN ASKED / TALKED TO

Sorry about the caps lock here and there, just trying to add extra emphasis to those things

And about your girlfriend, don't worry about her -- just be positive no matter what and do what you have to do for your own sanity -- and hopefully the positivity will be infectious -- if not like I said:
do whatever you have to do for your own (positive) sanity

Good luck

[johngolf]

Tosh

Tough love here but be done with her and move on in life.

[katie45]

Originally Posted by johngolf

Tosh

Tough love here but be done with her and move on in life.

This!

[skywalker2014]

As stated before, bipolar and borderline with a social anxiety person is a recipe for disaster.

If one of her bipolar tantrums goes down in public you will be also in deep anxiety and most likely will suffer fro GAD as well.

Just leave her be.

[kevxu]

You sound like two brutally mismatched people. How long have you two been in a relationship prior to her going to the rehab.?