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Old 10-14-2015, 02:46 PM
 
94 posts, read 59,442 times
Reputation: 168

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I feel like we are all kept in a cage like pets
Not allowed to escape the pen and not allowed privacy -- given see-through houses
Whatever we do our caretakers will take a sizeable chunk of
We are only allowed to use "play pretend money" while the caretakers have the actual things of worth
People who try to build up a business are like the hamster using whatever's around him to climb out of the cage, but "the hand of God" IE government lovingly pats the little rascal back down and tells him to behave
The two sides of government (red republican and blue democrat) represent male and female pet caretakers respectively
The republicans want to grow tough manly guinea pigs and leave them alone for a whole week/weekend while the more feminine democrats constantly micromanage the guinea pigs and contaminate the food and water with chemicals to keep them numb and non-hostile
They are spouses of each other and are equals
Adult pacifiers are given the guinea pigs to keep their minds occupied with nonsense (football, kardashian asses, being fed incorrect global news so that the guinea pigs are too xenophobic to leave their cages)

I could go on and on but this is the gist of it

Oh, and the dangerous prison population / criminals represent the "family cat" in this household called America / the world and the caretakers try to keep it/them separate but still lovingly cherishes the family cat with food and water (but no freedom) so long as it stays away from the vulnerable guinea pigs

I am 30 years old
Where I see myself in this guinea pig pen is right smack dab in center asking myself, "What is the point of doing anything? I can't escape. No one can escape. I might as well lay here. If I escape then I'm still in the household and I'm among the cats. If I have children, they will inherit even lesser freedoms than I have today. Things will get even worse tomorrow, when the pen is further reinforced and the caretaker is constantly checking that the cage isn't breaking or that the cat doesn't reach us."

If I build my own business, the caretakers will laugh and knock it all down, and then ask me to clean it up

But when you pull the lens back
You find that the guinea pig caretakers themselves are also in a cage as well
With the international lenders being the caretakers of the caretakers

Lately I've been saying strange things to myself, in my head
Stuff like, "I don't want to live anymore." "Blow my brains out."
It almost seems like a freedom. An exit.

I welcome any discussion good or bad, helpful and unhelpful
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Old 10-14-2015, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Under the Redwoods
3,748 posts, read 6,160,253 times
Reputation: 6002
I can totally see that perspective. Many of us running along and getting no where like a rodent wheel....but that is just one of many perspectives. There are those with determination and motivation who do not care about the bigger picture and find their way to success.
One can look around and see all kinds of oppression, it exists. Or one can aknowledge such existence and toss it aside and put their eye on the prize and go head on without getting caught up with everything happening around them.
Perspective and the attitude that goes with it can make or break a person.
(((Hug)))....seems like you need one.
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Old 10-14-2015, 07:38 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,603 posts, read 17,204,306 times
Reputation: 13435
Lately I've been saying strange things to myself, in my head
Stuff like, "I don't want to live anymore." "Blow my brains out."
It almost seems like a freedom. An exit.

Hang in there hun. The rest of us guinea pigs will need all the support we can get. I remember when my eyes got opened--I felt the same way. Then I realized that we are only here for one purpose--to learn how to love one another. Nothing else matters.
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Old 10-16-2015, 03:31 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,603 posts, read 17,204,306 times
Reputation: 13435
Anonymous, I hope you're doing well today?
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Old 10-17-2015, 10:11 PM
 
Location: Illinois
4,754 posts, read 4,333,465 times
Reputation: 12914
I totally get you. If you are unencumbered (no spouse, no children), or if you have a spouse who would be amenable, I strongly recommend you look into a commune - yes they still exist, and yes some are better than the hippie days of old. I am not joking at all, there is one in Missouri I have considered moving to for years.

Start here: cohousing. org
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Old 10-17-2015, 11:52 PM
 
3,315 posts, read 1,883,916 times
Reputation: 1857
I completely feel you. Even though I'm still trying to better my life, I just wonder when I'm going to get out of this hellhole. So many times as much as I hate doing so I actually have been trying to get help but a lot of times it will seem like I'm getting somewhere and then something happens. Plus even if I do get to keep working with my job coach it's still on me to be "likeable". She can't just zap me into a job or even an interview.
I know that I have escaped a lot of trauma..many things are in the past but have I really escaped it? It is still holding me back. The government is the worst. Police don't care. They've rarely had my back. If I try to take back what is mine I would get in trouble but the criminal gets off scot free.
People say you have a roof over your head blah blah blah. Yes yes and I do have my dogs which I'm very appreciative of. My life has been better than it was but I'm not doing anything. I'm just here and still trapped. People screwing me over/rejecting me has enabled me to trap myself. I still do my sites but I get so tired of doing them that I can't be motivated to doing them everyday anymore. However if I stop doing them I don't know what else to do because it's like the only way people will let me make money.

I try to avoid saying things like "I don't want to live anymore" (though it can slip out on rare occasions) because I have thanatophobia but I often say to myself seems like every night almost "I don't want to be me anymore" "If there is a God he hates me." I know a lot of people wish to be someone else but I have yet to encounter a person who has wished to be someone else more than me.


Often times I hate admitting this stuff because I'm reserved in a way but I just thought I'd reply that I feel you since it seems you wanted some thoughts. It's easier to admit this on the internet though which is why sometimes I have actually said some things about this before but even so I get in moods where I don't even want to talk about it online anymore especially when I get tired of hearing from religious people telling me to pray or whatever. Yeah like that helped me before. I know they mean well but it just bothers me. I also haven't gotten advice that has really clicked with me most of the time because it will be things that aren't plausible (i.e. relocate to where the jobs are) or even things I've already told myself which just ends up making me hate myself more.


It's like there are things I like about myself and I do know that I'm unique (and I don't mean in the way that everyone's unique. I mean I really am. I know because a lot of people misunderstand me. There are similarities that I share with people sure but very rarely is there a significant connection. It's a good thing I'm a loner so it doesn't bother me in some ways) but being unique as I am makes me unsuccessful and stepped on. I know that being normal is vastly overrated so I really hate thinking this way but I'm wondering if being unique is worth it anymore. If I could just find my angle to get me into the career I want that would be great but I don't know how I'll ever find it. Or even if I could just pretend to be "normal" to fit into company culture that would be great but I don't even know how to do that.
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Old 10-18-2015, 01:23 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,603 posts, read 17,204,306 times
Reputation: 13435
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonBeam33 View Post
I totally get you. If you are unencumbered (no spouse, no children), or if you have a spouse who would be amenable, I strongly recommend you look into a commune - yes they still exist, and yes some are better than the hippie days of old. I am not joking at all, there is one in Missouri I have considered moving to for years.

Start here: cohousing. org
Ooh, I did that this summer and it was in Missouri! The experience was interesting but I came away with the knowledge that communal living is not for me--I've always considered myself a hippie but I felt that you were only welcome if you fit the program 100%. I did meet a couple of other likeminded souls but we were all a bit disenchanted lol. Still, it was valuable and I'm glad I did it.
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