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Bottom line is you need to find a constructive outlet for your anger so that you can learn to let it go. Some people go to therapy. Some do yoga or meditation. Some find a good church. Some do volunteer work....or a combination of any or all of the above.
Most of the people who bullied you probably came from messed up families, which is why some have been in jail already.
This is how the cycle of abuse works. Kids get abused by their parents (because their parents were abused as children). So they abuse other kids at school, etc.
You have to be the one to make the conscious decision that you want to end the cycle of abuse. That starts with learning to let go of the anger.
That's the thing about forgiveness (and a lot of other things that are good for you).....you won't want to do it. But it's still a good thing. Forgiveness is a process that doesn't always happen overnight.
Leaving it behind is hard for me too, because not only do the effects of what happened still linger on but also because they took years from me that I'll never get to have back. That is where most of my anger and hatred towards them stems from. I'll never be able to look back on some of my school years without knowing that I was a victim. Even if I don't think about it, it'll always be there and nothing can change what happened. That makes me very angry and is why I want revenge.
But don't you think you are allowing them to take the current years away from you too because you are spending time thinking about them and your hatred for them? Every day you waste time thinking about them is another day you are allowing them to bully you all over again. Don't give them that power.
I don't think you need to "forgive" them. I never understand when people say that. They were mean kids and you have no need to forgive them for their horrible behavior.
My husband once said to me that I didn't know how to forgive someone who was mean to me. I said it has nothing to do with forgiveness, I just wanted nothing to do with someone like that.
Give yourself the gift of moving on with your life, give yourself a happy life. That you do deserve.
Bottom line is you need to find a constructive outlet for your anger so that you can learn to let it go. Some people go to therapy. Some do yoga or meditation. Some find a good church. Some do volunteer work....or a combination of any or all of the above.
Most of the people who bullied you probably came from messed up families, which is why some have been in jail already.
This is how the cycle of abuse works. Kids get abused by their parents (because their parents were abused as children). So they abuse other kids at school, etc.
You have to be the one to make the conscious decision that you want to end the cycle of abuse. That starts with learning to let go of the anger.
I've been exercising and trying to get in shape, so that's one way I try to channel the anger. I understand the cycle of abuse thing, but I always wonder why they had to target me out of everyone else. I just minded my own business and I didn't provoke anyone. Also, I'm not angry all the time about it. It just flares up in me sometimes.
That's the thing about forgiveness (and a lot of other things that are good for you).....you won't want to do it. But it's still a good thing. Forgiveness is a process that doesn't always happen overnight.
I just honestly see no reason to forgive them. Even if I stop being angry at them, whether I forgive them or not won't change anything about the past. What's done is done.
Belief's differ but mine is the ones that hurt you still have karma to face. You can forgive or not forgive, since that's something you do for you. But forgiveness is not releasing them from their wrong as much as it is releasing you from its pain. It won't make them better people unless they want to be. And sometimes people reflect the mean things done to them by being mean to others. I don't think you want to do this, but for those who do, the letting go of the anger makes them better people. You can let go the anger for yourself, since its a hard place to live, and not excuse or forgive the ones who made it.
I think that's the best possible thing for me to do. I can let go of the anger but the things that all of those people said and did to me are unforgivable.
But don't you think you are allowing them to take the current years away from you too because you are spending time thinking about them and your hatred for them? Every day you waste time thinking about them is another day you are allowing them to bully you all over again. Don't give them that power.
I don't think you need to "forgive" them. I never understand when people say that. They were mean kids and you have no need to forgive them for their horrible behavior.
My husband once said to me that I didn't know how to forgive someone who was mean to me. I said it has nothing to do with forgiveness, I just wanted nothing to do with someone like that.
Give yourself the gift of moving on with your life, give yourself a happy life. That you do deserve.
As I said before, the effects of what they said and did to me still linger. My self-esteem never recovered from the bullying. One of the worst things about it is that even when I tried to do things that would raise my self-esteem like playing football and baseball, those turned out to be bad experiences too. I was bullied by some teammates when I played football and I was a bad baseball player which made everyone else treat me pretty badly. I don't even know where to start to build my self-esteem because it seems like no matter what I do, people either put me down or don't accept me. I try not to let the bullying continue but when you have events like those happen for years, it just changes you. I'm not the same as I was before and I don't think I'll ever be. My whole outlook on life and people changed after all of that stuff.
Just because you had a lousy youth does not mean your adulthood has to be lousy.
Nothing anyone says to you is going to magically change you, you have to make that decision yourself.
It appears to me everyone of your responses is that you are rewinding the tape, rewinding the tape, rewinding the tape.
Start a new one.
The reason I was saying all that stuff was to emphasize why I can't forgive the bullies and also why it's hard to "get over" it. My mom made me go do therapy a few years ago but that didn't really help and one even put me on some medication but that didn't really help. I just don't know where to start because most of these issues have been plaguing me for years and I have tried different things.
The reason I was saying all that stuff was to emphasize why I can't forgive the bullies and also why it's hard to "get over" it. My mom made me go do therapy a few years ago but that didn't really help and one even put me on some medication but that didn't really help. I just don't know where to start because most of these issues have been plaguing me for years and I have tried different things.
You're probably sensitive, which may mean that you internalize things easily and it may take you a while to free yourself.
I also have a big problem with the word 'forgive,' as I always see it to mean, 'What you did to me was fine, feel free to do it again.' Of course it wasn't fine. Of course no one wants it to happen again.
I began to turn a corner when I thought in terms of 'letting go' instead.
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