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Remember: you cannot control this person. But you have full control of yourself. You have every right to decide how you will live and be excited for your life. You are working to establish this life for yourself. Some people are too hard to manage, at least until we have good self-control and have rejected their shenanigans (if not them personally). Maybe at some future time your sense of connection to this person will outweigh how much stress and damage she causes. Meanwhile, focus on your own growth and enjoyment of life.
A person's mental illness does not get to dictate the behavior of others. It should not even dictate that person's own behavior.
Remember: you cannot control this person. But you have full control of yourself. You have every right to decide how you will live and be excited for your life. You are working to establish this life for yourself. Some people are too hard to manage, at least until we have good self-control and have rejected their shenanigans (if not them personally). Maybe at some future time your sense of connection to this person will outweigh how much stress and damage she causes. Meanwhile, focus on your own growth and enjoyment of life.
A person's mental illness does not get to dictate the behavior of others. It should not even dictate that person's own behavior.
How to deal with a person with two of the three dark triads of personality disorders? Unless they are your child you don't.
Run. Don't walk away.
Those are personality disorders. Not a mental illness. They cannot be cured, they can rarely be controlled. It is their personality. And most of the dark triads don't want to change. If they are a narcissist, a true one, they will be proud of that.
It is hard to leave any person of the dark triad because each one has one thing in common...the ability to trick you, read you, lie and manipulate you. You wanting to go back, you feeling bad for leaving, their attempts to return are all part of their cat and mouse game. You are the mouse.
In fact, they likely have other people they are also trying with. Because they need supply all the time. If you are not a sure thing, they have a backup. So, their affections and kind words are a lie.
How to deal with a person with two of the three dark triads of personality disorders? Unless they are your child you don't.
Run. Don't walk away.
Those are personality disorders. Not a mental illness. They cannot be cured, they can rarely be controlled. It is their personality. And most of the dark triads don't want to change. If they are a narcissist, a true one, they will be proud of that.
It is hard to leave any person of the dark triad because each one has one thing in common...the ability to trick you, read you, lie and manipulate you. You wanting to go back, you feeling bad for leaving, their attempts to return are all part of their cat and mouse game. You are the mouse.
In fact, they likely have other people they are also trying with. Because they need supply all the time. If you are not a sure thing, they have a backup. So, their affections and kind words are a lie.
It is very important that you learn to assert yourself, not only with this particular individual, but with other egotists and narcissists you will encounter. You always have a right to express your limits, and that another person's behavior has crossed those limits. But they do not know your limits, or will assume that they don't exist, unless you speak up!
It is important to speak up before you become emotional. "I feel [annoyed, bothered, insulted] when you say X, because that is only your opinion, and does not reflect the facts. If you cannot stop, this conversation is over." Staying cool, and sticking to the facts of what the other person said or did, keeps you on solid ground. Also, your polite behavior and words keep you above reproach.
If you like, I have a free report about Assertive Communication that you can access here.
How to deal with a person with two of the three dark triads of personality disorders? Unless they are your child you don't.
Run. Don't walk away.
Those are personality disorders. Not a mental illness. They cannot be cured, they can rarely be controlled. It is their personality. And most of the dark triads don't want to change. If they are a narcissist, a true one, they will be proud of that.
It is hard to leave any person of the dark triad because each one has one thing in common...the ability to trick you, read you, lie and manipulate you. You wanting to go back, you feeling bad for leaving, their attempts to return are all part of their cat and mouse game. You are the mouse.
In fact, they likely have other people they are also trying with. Because they need supply all the time. If you are not a sure thing, they have a backup. So, their affections and kind words are a lie.
Thanks for posting this. I've never heard of the Dark Triad, but it actually fits 3 people in my life. They ARE charming, but it's interesting to watch how some people fall for their charms and others are able to see through them right away. They can really cause havoc in their attempts to crush others.
Thanks for posting this. I've never heard of the Dark Triad, but it actually fits 3 people in my life. They ARE charming, but it's interesting to watch how some people fall for their charms and others are able to see through them right away. They can really cause havoc in their attempts to crush others.
I am part of the dark triad. But I don't ruin lives. I'm a high Mach, so unless you and I are competing for something I am not going to affect you.
If we are, I'll probably look for weaknesses in you, in the system, exploit them, and change my personality to tilt things my way. That is why we are highly competitive, ambiguous, and climb ladders quickly.
We have empathy, but we are immoral as we believe I the ends justifies the means idea. You know, well sucks you lost but...I had to "lose" your data because you were too dumb to leave it out. You lose...I win. That's life.
That is totally immoral. But we would not feel bad and think you should be smarter. But...would I rob someone or run someone over? No. That's terrible. I would feel bad. And...that's crazy. Where as a psychopath...they would not care.
And I don't care what people think of me UNLESS it's the right person. Where as a narcissist is all about what people think of them. They must have attention and supply.
I don't want any attention. I want people to go away and not talk toe most of the time because I hate small talk and have zero time for it. I can also be incredibly blunt and honest. I am most of the time. But don't expect it from me when I'm trying to get ahead...I play dirty.
I perform random acts of kindness, cry, feel sad, happy, etc. Just do not go up against me in any way...I will win. I can profile a person in about five minutes and figure out what their weaknesses are.
Once I dated a narcissist. I kept them around longer than their expiration date as I liked sex with them. I could trigger them and watch them go off in rage so fast. "Think what you want about me, idc." Or "You are an empty person." When they would say I was cheating or worthless. They would explode. It was quite fun. When I l ft them, I ghosted them. After a year...I ghosted them. Oh...the messages I received but never replied to. Then they stopped. They found supply. Some poor "normal" woman is probably crying right now and in therapy over them. And here I am laughing about how I poked them with sticks.
Making jokes about them, laughing at them, or making them think you are flirting with other men is also a way to make them blow up. And I enjoyed watching their reactions.
Welcome....to the dark side.
Last edited by Allison1207; 02-25-2018 at 05:04 PM..
Allison, again, thanks for posting. That's one of the most interesting things I've read in ages. Wow.
Do you believe that other dark triad types (1, 2 or all 3 traits) are as self aware as you are?
I assume you need to control?
I volunteer in a group led by a mach/narcissist. Many good people have left, I'm leaving in a few weeks. She brags about how many volunteers she's had to discipline over the years. She goes after good people who may have more experience/education than her. She favors the young volunteers, I'm assuming that's because they are more controllable and not competition to her status. And she definitely has left good people crying in therapy, doubting themselves and not knowing what hit them.
I am part of the dark triad. But I don't ruin lives. I'm a high Mach, so unless you and I are competing for something I am not going to affect you.
If we are, I'll probably look for weaknesses in you, in the system, exploit them, and change my personality to tilt things my way. That is why we are highly competitive, ambiguous, and climb ladders quickly.
We have empathy, but we are immoral as we believe I the ends justifies the means idea. You know, well sucks you lost but...I had to "lose" your data because you were too dumb to leave it out. You lose...I win. That's life.
That is totally immoral. But we would not feel bad and think you should be smarter. But...would I rob someone or run someone over? No. That's terrible. I would feel bad. And...that's crazy. Where as a psychopath...they would not care.
And I don't care what people think of me UNLESS it's the right person. Where as a narcissist is all about what people think of them. They must have attention and supply.
I don't want any attention. I want people to go away and not talk toe most of the time because I hate small talk and have zero time for it. I can also be incredibly blunt and honest. I am most of the time. But don't expect it from me when I'm trying to get ahead...I play dirty.
I perform random acts of kindness, cry, feel sad, happy, etc. Just do not go up against me in any way...I will win. I can profile a person in about five minutes and figure out what their weaknesses are.
Once I dated a narcissist. I kept them around longer than their expiration date as I liked sex with them. I could trigger them and watch them go off in rage so fast. "Think what you want about me, idc." Or "You are an empty person." When they would say I was cheating or worthless. They would explode. It was quite fun. When I l ft them, I ghosted them. After a year...I ghosted them. Oh...the messages I received but never replied to. Then they stopped. They found supply. Some poor "normal" woman is probably crying right now and in therapy over them. And here I am laughing about how I poked them with sticks.
Making jokes about them, laughing at them, or making them think you are flirting with other men is also a way to make them blow up. And I enjoyed watching their reactions.
Welcome....to the dark side.
Allison,
You sound a whole lot like the old me. I was capable of and did all those things. Personality disorders as an illness is a joke. You have the free will to assess your actions and not behave like a jerk.
I come across to people as timid and quiet. I was able to use peoples assumptions against them that way. Narcissist and psychopaths would try things with me not knowing that and they'd often come up with the short end of the stick. To an extent, I was defending myself. When I found out what I was capable of I used it to my advantage.
I can tell you from my own experience you are not benefiting yourself by your actions. It may seem that way in the short term, but if you live long enough you will realize this. That is, if you haven't already and just aren't prepared to admit it yet. I don't believe for one second that you aren't curable. Doctors may tell you that because they want to sell you some pills and keep you coming back.
Maybe you think you are super great and don't want to change. After all, change is hard and most people would rather play sick and helpless than make the effort. It doesn't particularly matter to me what you do, it's your free will.
I don't see a strong woman in you Allison, I see someone who needs to poke others to feel big when you are not. It may make you mad for me to say that, but maybe you need to think about why it makes you mad!
KaraG-
The best way to deal with these types is to either ignore them completely or calmly state the truth. Don't give up an inch. They hate it when people don't give a flip about them.
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