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Today is officially the 6 month mark for me of being completely sober. 180 days to be exact. After 15 years of alcohol use that gradually progressed to alcoholism I honestly never want to go back again. I feel healthier. I AM healthier. I lost 20 pounds. My blood pressure and bad cholesterol are significantly lower. I have more energy. I sleep infinitely better. My skin looks 5-10 years younger.
When I'm alone I never have any major issues these days. Sure, there's the occasional craving but it comes and goes, I've learned to deal with it through counseling and support groups, life experience and education. The problem these days seems to be other people. For example:
Last month I went to a wedding for a relative. The night before there was a party at the groom's parents' home. I went and was harassed by at least three people for my abstaining from drinking. One of them literally asked me if there was something wrong with me. I just said that it gives me migraines, not knowing how to respond. I was still heavily pressured upon that to the point where I felt the need to leave early, which I did.
Professionally, my coworkers often get together after work for drinks. I have been getting flack since I quit. I now order a soda water with lime when I do go. I know some people will say don't go at all but it's to my advantage to know what's going on at work and I don't like being out of the loop. I feel I need to know what's happening politically and so on.
I also went to a family gathering on Christmas and again was asked why I wasn't drinking. I lied and said I was on medication that doesn't allow for alcohol. I hated myself for lying but was so uncomfortable and didn't want anyone to know my real reason. I am wondering if I'm the only one who has gone through this. Also if there are any strategies I can use the next time this occurs.
OP, why can't you be up front with your friends and family about where you've been and where you are today? Everyone needs to back off and be proud of you. Good for you for sure.
It's nobody's business. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Get that to sink in, and you won't feel so triggered. Be confident of your decision to not drink.
Peer pressure--just laugh it off, brush it off, and if somebody gets pushy, look them straight in the eye and say "I don't want a drink" in a very stern voice staring them down with a deep intimidating frown. Then write yourself a mental post-it on who was pushy. They are somebody to avoid in the future.
Last month I went to a wedding for a relative. The night before there was a party at the groom's parents' home. I went and was harassed by at least three people for my abstaining from drinking. One of them literally asked me if there was something wrong with me.
Your not drinking makes them more aware of the fact that they need to drink, which is their problem. Their being uncomfortable around a non-drinker points to their own issues with alcohol.
Quote:
Professionally, my coworkers often get together after work for drinks. I have been getting flack since I quit. I now order a soda water with lime when I do go. I know some people will say don't go at all but it's to my advantage to know what's going on at work and I don't like being out of the loop.
Perfect solution.
We did an intervention on a family member years ago and learned about the pressures on those who have chosen to abstain from alcohol, and that condescending attitude from drinkers was one of the biggest. Good luck, and you should be proud of yourself for your accomplishment, especially in the face of such ignorance.
OP, congrats!! I've never had a problem with drinking, but I choose not to drink because of the calories. Feel free to use that excuse, which would be understandable since you've lost 20 pounds.
OP, congrats!! I've never had a problem with drinking, but I choose not to drink because of the calories. Feel free to use that excuse, which would be understandable since you've lost 20 pounds.
I always drank what were considered "low calorie" beverages- mostly vodka sodas and red wine. But over time it adds up to a LOT, no matter what. Plus, I think my metabolism revved up a bit. All in all I've been losing roughly one pound a week. Over time I noticed it really does add up!
Today is officially the 6 month mark for me of being completely sober. 180 days to be exact. After 15 years of alcohol use that gradually progressed to alcoholism I honestly never want to go back again. I feel healthier. I AM healthier. I lost 20 pounds. My blood pressure and bad cholesterol are significantly lower. I have more energy. I sleep infinitely better. My skin looks 5-10 years younger.
When I'm alone I never have any major issues these days. Sure, there's the occasional craving but it comes and goes, I've learned to deal with it through counseling and support groups, life experience and education. The problem these days seems to be other people. For example:
Last month I went to a wedding for a relative. The night before there was a party at the groom's parents' home. I went and was harassed by at least three people for my abstaining from drinking. One of them literally asked me if there was something wrong with me. I just said that it gives me migraines, not knowing how to respond. I was still heavily pressured upon that to the point where I felt the need to leave early, which I did.
Professionally, my coworkers often get together after work for drinks. I have been getting flack since I quit. I now order a soda water with lime when I do go. I know some people will say don't go at all but it's to my advantage to know what's going on at work and I don't like being out of the loop. I feel I need to know what's happening politically and so on.
I also went to a family gathering on Christmas and again was asked why I wasn't drinking. I lied and said I was on medication that doesn't allow for alcohol. I hated myself for lying but was so uncomfortable and didn't want anyone to know my real reason. I am wondering if I'm the only one who has gone through this. Also if there are any strategies I can use the next time this occurs.
If it gets people off your back and keeps you going, who is being hurt by a white lie? YOU are who matters here, not them. I have not been in your exact shoes (recovering from an addiction), but I have been hassled about not drinking in a social setting many times. Some explanations I use are similar....
a prescription conflict
gives me migraines
upset stomach
triggers an allergy
don't like the taste anymore
just depresses me
don't want the calories
All these are reasonable and true for many people. The person who continues to hassle you has the problem. You do not. Even if they hassle you in the moment, chances are they secretly admire your resistance. I've also noticed that once they learn they can't get a rise out of you they stop trying.
I think the whole "brutally honest" thing with some recovery programs messes people up. Some will say if you're not brutally honest in all settings, that you somehow set yourself up for relapse. I disagree.
I get a bit of grief now that I've decided to be vegan. Same thing, in a way. It's just about making other people feel uncomfortable with some life change you've decided to make.
I watched a good video by a psychologist about this, and he suggested just saying it's something you're trying out "for now." Make it sound like it may be just a passing phase, and somehow it's less threatening for other people. And saying things like "You may be right. But, it seems to be working for me right now, so time will tell."
For me, I honestly tell them that I needed to make major changes to lower my cholesterol and blood pressure, and the side-effects of medications were bad, so I'm trying to improve my numbers by removing animal fats, and it's working so far, but I'm not a militant vegan, etc, etc. I don't care if anyone else eats meat, etc.
You don't have to explain yourself anyway. The idea is to just make them more comfortable, as well as yourself. Just say you're on a diet, and it seems to be working, since you're losing a pound a week. It can be true, without giving them all of the gory details.
Good on you. I'm glad you feel better. Pat yourself on the back. Well done.
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