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well, the title says it. I've just come from another visit at a psychologist (I think my 6ht or 7th), and he has never had any case like this aswell - and I've been to a number of them, including doing 8 weeks of rehab because of depression and social phobia at the beginning of the year; no one seems to have a clue. This also includes not having interest in girls at all - no romantic feelings either (I thought I might be homosexual for a while, but thats not the case either.)
You can imagine that this is really getting to me now... for context, I've been depressed pretty much my entire adult life, struggeling with social phobia, and I've tried and failed a bunch of stuff to get better with people (and girls, for that matter) or try to become more confident, and I feel like it's just getting worse. I'm no virgin either, sex is no fun to me at all.
To give you an small overview; my almost complete loss of libido came at 17, when I first got more "serious" with a girl and we had a few dates and could not talk at all - I was just too shy and not used to being alone with some, even with friends I was used to be in a group. Plus, I've always been afraid what her freinds/family might say, because I've been used to bullying my entire life and people just don't seem to like me. From 13-16, I was bullied in school and got really anxious around people, even though I was never a loner; I've always had friends.
The last two years of school got better, and I really wanted to be more confident in life and with people - I went alone to New Zealand for 8 months; moved to a city far from home knowing no body and recently finished a semester abroad. Almost everything went bad; right now I have a relatively solid group of friends in my city, but I lost complete interest in people because everything I tried went terribly wrong. Got more or less bullied on practically all of my jobs, getting to know people got worse each year, and on my semester abroad I was completely isolated.
This is really just a small portion of whats been going on and what could affect my libido; the details would take too long - I guess I just really wanted to ask around if someone else (male?) got the same problem over this long of a time. I suppose I kind of need someone hows been through the same tell me that it's possible to solve my problem. Always hearing people say they have never heard of something like this over this long is really disencouraging.
thank you for taking your time to read this; anything helps. If I can clear something up, please ask.
Not male here but raised 3 boys and read a lot. . . Depression can affect your sex drive. That is why the doctor asks about it, not that he's rude but yes, depression affects your sex life.
What you may do is more research on how you handle your sexuality because there are so many distinct classifications. Gay, pansexual, bi, and Asexuality to name a few. Do your research. You may also have trouble because of your past along with anxiety where pleasure is missed because of stress expectations. You should discuss this with your doctor but do your research first.
OP, you could be asexual. When you were with the girl, did she excite you sexually, or were you with a girl just because society (your friends etc.) expected you to have a girlfriend? And do any girls/women excite you sexually now, even if you can't be with them (because, for example, they're celebrities) and/or can't perform sexually alone?
These are things to think about, although I suspect it will be difficult to sort this out until the "bigger-picture" issues of your depression and social phobia (anxiety? agoraphobia?) are dealt with more successfully. And seeing a doctor, as Sollaces suggests, is something else to do, too, to rule out any physiological issues.
And do any girls/women excite you sexually now, even if you can't be with them (because, for example, they're celebrities) and/or can't perform sexually alone?
I should have broadened this out by saying "do any PERSONS excite you sexually now...." Male, female, gender nonconforming, etc.?
OP, it is interesting that you have such negative feelings about yourself that don't seem reflected in your external world. You have attracted women. You have friends. You have traveled and taken risks many people would never attempt. On paper, you're great. In your head, you're a failure, even a monster.
That is where the problem is. Has medication not worked at all for you?
Your sexuality is not the problem, that part will become clear once you find a successful treatment to clear your head of the thunderstorm of self-abusive thoughts that live there. I wish you good luck. Don't give up. Try everything.
6 or 7 therapy appointments are just scratching the surface. Find a new therapist if this one's not working. And then another one if you need to.
Keep seeing a therapist, it takes a long time to help sometimes. If possible, see someone else if you think it just isn't helping or you don't click with your therapist.
As long as you don't give up, and keep actively helping yourself to find a solution, you will one day get better in some way.
Also, don't give up on people. Keep trying to socialize.
Last edited by High Altitude; 09-22-2018 at 07:57 PM..
I havent had a huge sex drive since my teens and early 20s, oddly enough, my sex drive was VERY high in those years, I was sleeping around frequently, but something happened in my late 20s that changed that for some reason, Im 44 today and pretty much have ZERO sex drive, its just not important to me at all anymore.
I was bullied really bad when I was a kid but no one cared about it 1970-80s just had to live with it. What happend I ended up feeling worthless I wanted to just be invincible in school. When I got into my teens I just felt like I wasn't worth much so what girl would want to date me.
I became the bully myself I would call myself same names in my own mind. The bully is long gone I continued to bully myself into being depressed. If you understand what I'm saying. I realized later that really my own doing making myself depressed. If I could take that power away from the bully they could say what they want I would not care.
I learned that my self-esteem was no one else business once I could control how I felt about myself my depression was gone. I started to live a new life learned new things kind of re-invented myself in my late 20's.
I think the sex drive is connected to the depression and self-esteem anxiety. I had extreme anxieties about asking a girl out on a date being rejected just could not live with that in high school. It would justify the things the bullies said to me were true only in my own mind.
I found an old year book few years ago was looking though it a girl wrote her phone number in there said to call her. I didn't even realize she did that because I was so convinced that I was worthless in my own mind. I kind of laugh about it now, but also see how much I missed out on life years can't ever get back.
I would work on your self-worth and try to re-invent yourself into what you want to become. I would stay away from medication unless it's a last resort.
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