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I recently, about 5 or 6 weeks ago started seeing a new counselor. I think she's the best I've ever seen.
Many years ago I saw one counselor because of a really bad breakup. She let me talk for the hour. Never offered much. I eventually stopped seeing her. My second counselor was after a stressful job transition was similar. All I did was talk, with her barely offering me any assistance or insight.
Third times a charm. I enjoy seeing this woman every week. She challenges me, gives me insight, and overall offers me help. I've seen growth in myself from it.
The thing is- I find my biggest issues are my past relationships with men and a toxic job that I left 2.5 years ago that's traumatized me.
I get severe anxiety and even some PTSD thinking about my past job or the loser I dated with alcoholism two years ago. If I sit at night with my thoughts, I feel my heart beating heavy, my head swirling, anxiety overwhelming me.
As much as I really like this counselor. She's helped me in great ways. She seems to want to solely focus on my relationship with my family and mother. I'm very very close with my family, because they've supported me through a lot of the hurt I've gone through.
When I try to bring up my failed relationships or my job past, she thinks that I'm purposely trying to change the subject away from my family.
When in reality, I want to talk about the issues that really bother me. She claims my overly close relationship with my parents is an issue too. But I find the other issues more severe. I have yet to even talk to her about them, because every week it's about my family.
I've had a huge brain shift on my family since seeing her and I do see what she means and I've made steps to change my thinking with my family which I find is already helping make things more healthy. We are a bit too close as adults.
But I just really want to fix my other issues as they plague my nightly thoughts. Is this a normal thing for a therapist?
I recently, about 5 or 6 weeks ago started seeing a new counselor. I think she's the best I've ever seen.
Many years ago I saw one counselor because of a really bad breakup. She let me talk for the hour. Never offered much. I eventually stopped seeing her. My second counselor was after a stressful job transition was similar. All I did was talk, with her barely offering me any assistance or insight.
Third times a charm. I enjoy seeing this woman every week. She challenges me, gives me insight, and overall offers me help. I've seen growth in myself from it.
The thing is- I find my biggest issues are my past relationships with men and a toxic job that I left 2.5 years ago that's traumatized me.
I get severe anxiety and even some PTSD thinking about my past job or the loser I dated with alcoholism two years ago. If I sit at night with my thoughts, I feel my heart beating heavy, my head swirling, anxiety overwhelming me.
As much as I really like this counselor. She's helped me in great ways. She seems to want to solely focus on my relationship with my family and mother. I'm very very close with my family, because they've supported me through a lot of the hurt I've gone through.
When I try to bring up my failed relationships or my job past, she thinks that I'm purposely trying to change the subject away from my family.
When in reality, I want to talk about the issues that really bother me. She claims my overly close relationship with my parents is an issue too. But I find the other issues more severe. I have yet to even talk to her about them, because every week it's about my family.
I've had a huge brain shift on my family since seeing her and I do see what she means and I've made steps to change my thinking with my family which I find is already helping make things more healthy. We are a bit too close as adults.
But I just really want to fix my other issues as they plague my nightly thoughts. Is this a normal thing for a therapist?
Sounds as if she senses that your relationships with your family may have set you up for problems in those other areas of your life. Have you asked her what she feels the connection between them is? Your family relationships were the "first" ones you formed and they can create patterns that end up affecting the other aspects of your life.
I asked her about things this week and she said exactly as you said. My family relationships have set me up for failures in other areas. It makes sense to me now. I've been struggling for years with my dynamic with my family. I'm going to post something separately on this issue.
I recently, about 5 or 6 weeks ago started seeing a new counselor. I think she's the best I've ever seen.
Many years ago I saw one counselor because of a really bad breakup. She let me talk for the hour. Never offered much. I eventually stopped seeing her. My second counselor was after a stressful job transition was similar. All I did was talk, with her barely offering me any assistance or insight.
Third times a charm. I enjoy seeing this woman every week. She challenges me, gives me insight, and overall offers me help. I've seen growth in myself from it.
The thing is- I find my biggest issues are my past relationships with men and a toxic job that I left 2.5 years ago that's traumatized me.
I get severe anxiety and even some PTSD thinking about my past job or the loser I dated with alcoholism two years ago. If I sit at night with my thoughts, I feel my heart beating heavy, my head swirling, anxiety overwhelming me.
As much as I really like this counselor. She's helped me in great ways. She seems to want to solely focus on my relationship with my family and mother. I'm very very close with my family, because they've supported me through a lot of the hurt I've gone through.
When I try to bring up my failed relationships or my job past, she thinks that I'm purposely trying to change the subject away from my family.
When in reality, I want to talk about the issues that really bother me. She claims my overly close relationship with my parents is an issue too. But I find the other issues more severe. I have yet to even talk to her about them, because every week it's about my family.
I've had a huge brain shift on my family since seeing her and I do see what she means and I've made steps to change my thinking with my family which I find is already helping make things more healthy. We are a bit too close as adults.
But I just really want to fix my other issues as they plague my nightly thoughts. Is this a normal thing for a therapist?
I used to do that. The never ending, cycling brain memory torture.
Then I shared it once w a friend (also a psychiatrist lol) who asked me "So...like...who's in charge in there(brain)"?
I really pondered that question because at that time, I wasnt in control of my own brain or thoughts. I lost so much precious time thinking about stuff that happened years ago.
My friend wanted me to try this: "The second you catch yourself doing that old cycling, bad, useless memory stuff, I want you to immediately STOP, hit the brain pause button and scream (in your head) as loud as you can- Shut the F up!!!! I am in charge here now!" and redirect your attention on something else. Repeat every 5 mins as needed in the beginning."
Honestly, at first, I thought it was one of those new age, bonkers mind thing but for me, it worked. Hey give it a try. Free of charge.
30 years a go, I begrudgingly went into therapy out of desperation seeking a higher quality of life. I had a similar mindset of anxiety, depression and obsessional thinking that I couldn't seem to stop. I had a ruminative thought process that was really dragging me down in relationships, in my job, etc. I can say that after an expensive year in therapy, I realized my issues centered on my father and my dysfunctional family growing up. I started taking painful action steps, setting boundaries, and it was only then, at the age of 36, that I took a self-directed path, which put me on a much healthier course in my life. As I get ready to retire after a successful career and marriage, I look back on that and I'm so glad I took the plunge but it was difficult work and you have to trust your therapist. It can be a delicate balance between following your therapist, and your therapist following you. You have to be very honest if you're having issues with the content of your sessions, if you believe your issues aren't being addressed, etc., so your therapist has a chance to explore those misgivings with you. Therapists aren't mind readers and the best therapy is when you are engaged, involved and revealing. Hang in there and expect it to be difficult, frustrating, emotionally radical and ultimately you will work out issues with your therapist that mimic your issues in life outside of therapy. It's worth the journey. If you leave your therapist's office feeling warm and fuzzy, you're not getting good therapy, that's not why you're there.
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My friend wanted me to try this: "The second you catch yourself doing that old cycling, bad, useless memory stuff, I want you to immediately STOP, hit the brain pause button and scream (in your head) as loud as you can- Shut the F up!!!! I am in charge here now!" and redirect your attention on something else. Repeat every 5 mins as needed in the beginning."
Honestly, at first, I thought it was one of those new age, bonkers mind thing but for me, it worked. Hey give it a try. Free of charge.
I used to catastrophize a lot. Then I started yelling STOP! in my head every time it happened. Worked the first time and every time.
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