Negative mother causing anxiety??

[lubby]

Originally Posted by srivirao

I have the same kind of mom. Its always how she is avictim of this or that! never ever addresses the issues sweeps things under carpet ABSOLUTE hypocrite I am done with her!

This is my mom's sister. Always negative, it's all about her, no one knows what she's going through, she's always right. She tend to lie about things and when confronted she'll deny it. My mother takes her in small doses these last few years. My Aunt lives in Florida so my mom only talk to her once a week. It gives my mother stress and anxiety after she gets off the phone with her. I stopped talking to my aunt in 2007 because of this.

[looking4answers12]

She might contribute to your anxiety, but I don't think you can completely blame her for being the cause of your anxiety. Especially if you are an adult.

Try to get some help if you can. I know that anxiety at it's worse can be debilitating. But I also know that people can learn to overcome their anxiety.

The best approach that I've seen seems to be identifying what triggers your anxiety and then learning to desensitize yourself to it (or getting help with doing it).

I hope you find the solution you are looking for. Take care.

[krdsdads]

I love my mom but sad to say, i dont like her. and the guilt i feel for saying that has/will eat me up.
These feelings have been progressing for a good 10 yrs. now. which, irronically should be the happiest 10 yrs. of my life but!!!! the jokes on me as she sucks any chance of happiness right out of me.
yes i know she's got this disease, that disease, this prob. that prob. etc etc etc etc etc.... and trust me! i do sympathize with her of course! and trust me! thats all i hear about for as long as 2-3 hrs. straight when she calls me.
I can actually listen to her for 3 hrs. and have only said 10 - 20 words the entire time becuase she doesnt give 2 craps about anything i might want to talk about...pshhh i gave up talking anything to her years ago.
I am 50 yrs. old but do you think i know anything about anything lol nope, not as far as shes concerned. she contradicts any little thing i say and/or dissagrees with me. she can become vicious! towards me if i dissagree with her and usually does if i try to defend myself and she eventually starts to call me names and say things about me that just arent true! as if to be proud to thrash her own daughter even if to make it up. who knows? i think she even believes her lies about me sometimes.
Well, this behavior of my mother towards me has caused much underlying depression, anxiety, sadness etc. I also cannot deal with the guilt she has embedded in me, the feelings "she" has caused. I have gotten mean with her..many times but she pushes it to that point and what better way to deal with craziness than to get crazy!! Its all very confusing and very sad and all i ever wanted is to love my mother "unconditionally" and she even makes that hard

[jasmom87]

I learned just because they are family does not mean you have to like them or even be around them. The saying is that you can't choose your family, but you can limit your contact if it needs to be.

My question is always would I be friends with this person if they were not family? If the answer is no, then limit the contact if you can't cut the ties. It took me 10 years to cut the ties with a SIL, because I didn't want to take my DH family away from him. She was spiteful and toxic, but managed to always try to turn it around before you were ready to walk away. I tolerated because of my husband and really tried. Finally, we both just walked away. Yes she controls other family members that we would like to see, but the burden was lifted and the good outweighs the bad.

It is very hard to distance or even cut out family members, but sometimes it is the only thing that can be done.

[Kayhyland]

Its not me !!!! This thread has been so helpful to me. Last year was a very bad year for me...My mother added to my anxiety and left me unable to go out of my front door. I developed a real phobia about visiting her. I am off the anti depressants now after 11 months on them. I felt strong and ready. Today I will be visiting my depressing nagging mother for the first time in 10 months. Mostly because my father has been diagnosed with bowel cancer and I refuse to let my problems with my mum, stop me from seeing my dad. My dad has always been close to me, my hero. Today i'm taking the bull by the horns. When my mother starts nagging , I will respond with what I want to say, not what I feel I should say. I'm 46 , my mother has always made it clear I wasn't expected, yet my big sister is an angel (lives in NZ) and my little brother has always been a mummys boy. I have always been the person who gets called and expected to solve mums problems. I work full time , as does my brother yet my mum says ' cant expect him to help , he works all the time ' !!!!!!
Anyway , thank you for the boost , I feel even more able to deal with my difficult mum this morning. I'm sure once she says the usual ' oh your still alive then ' .....things 'll get back to normal.....wish me luck.