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Get away from them and stay away. They are sick, disordered people who DO NOT change.
No matter how much they profess to care about you at times ("You are the best", etc), it is NOT about having a mutally beneficial relationship with you - it's about owning and dominating you for their own benefit. To admit their need for another person would mean lessening their superiority in their eyes, and they just won't have that. At the core of these people is nothing but rage, contempt, greed, and envy. In short, they are dangerously empty and getting close to them will only end up destroying you.
They are living out of a delusional, grandiose false self that they created as children to shield themselves from horrible abuse. Still, that's no reason to feel sorry for them. They are beyond help.
Remember, it is ALL ABOUT THEM. You don't even come into the equation. They are predators.
Yeah, my mother was NPD, too. When I was in my early 30s, I couldn't take it anymore and cut her out of my life. I felt all sorts of guilt over it for years, but I still believe that I made the right decision, no matter how painful it was.
I guarantee that if you were to go back now and have the tearful reunion, things would be back to "normal" by tomorrow.
You are most likely going to have to remove the toxic family member out of your life. Your hail mary is to set firm boundaries, Dr. Henry Cloud wrote a great book on it with great examples.
You are most likely going to have to remove the toxic family member out of your life. Your hail mary is to set firm boundaries, Dr. Henry Cloud wrote a great book on it with great examples.
It sucks for my friend as it is her daughter. How do you lock out a child? I know it will be necessary for her to do it but I also know it will be painful for her.
This kid is extremely manipulative. I'm saying kid but she's a young adult. I really feel for my friend.
From what I've experienced people with NPD seem to be pathological liars too. I have learned to not believe a word that comes out of their mouth about anything.
From what I've experienced people with NPD seem to be pathological liars too. I have learned to not believe a word that comes out of their mouth about anything.
Hmm, if you have a pathological liar you likely have someone with traits of ASPD or sociopathy. Not surprising as someone with a PD often has traits of other PD's. My understanding is that those with NPD will mainly lie for a purpose, as opposed to a sociopath who will lie practically for the fun of it. My sis is one of those--we were trying to figure out why she lies so much when it's so obvious, but I finally decided that she doesn't really expect you to believe her, she just wants to keep you from finding out the truth. A normal person would be extremely ashamed if caught out in a lie, but not a sociopath. They'll just blithely try to cover it up with another lie. I finally decided it was too much of a waste of my time and emotional energy to deal with that and even though sis lives 10 min away, I never see her if I can help it. And yes, there is no point in believing a single word they say. It's very stressful and b/c sis is like that I am honest almost to a fault. Haven't always been that way but dealing with her straightened me up.
The funniest part? If you confront her with a lie and accuse her of lying she will react with pure rage, like, "how dare you?" It's almost funny. Sis has almost equal parts of NPD and ASPD but never dx'ed as she doesn't think there's anything wrong with her, so of course this is all pure conjecture, but it's obvious to everyone else that there is very definitely something wrong with her.
Yes! Sociopath is exactly what I was thinking of. I was in a relationship with a guy like that once and when I broke it off it turned into stalking, and then the lies went really far out there! He even faked a suicide attempt to get attention. It's like these people just can't get enough drama in their lives.
My SIL (we don't have any communication with her any longer) was a narcissist. I think from Momma Bear (her mother), but wow the lies... I mean she'd lie so much and then call to say something opposite of that. She couldn't keep track of all of it. It was just about getting what she needed. They literally don't "see" anyone, but themselves. Genetic?? Scary.
There are some great books on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I suggest you read some of them. They are very damaged people and emotionally stuck at about 5 years old. They constantly need praise. It is much easier if you treat them as you would treat a young child. They will have tantrums - you can expect that. And they need praise the way that a drug addict needs drugs. Think of them as a praise addict. They never got enough as a child and they need tons now. They have very fragile egos. Never criticize a narcissist - it will emotionally KILL them and they will either lash out at you or give you the silent treatment (sometimes for weeks/months!). I know it's hard - I have close friends and family members that are narcissistic (most notably my grandmother and my best friend). But they can be navigated and you can have a semi-normal relationship with them if you don't take their actions personally (it has nothing to do with you!). BTW, if you want to get a narcissist to do something for you - tell them (nicely) that you think they can't do it. They will kill themselves trying to prove you wrong!
btw Nanny Goat - they don't actually think they are lying. They often believe their own lies, sadly.
SouthernNatureLover - there is a difference between a sociopath and a narcissist. But it IS possible to be both at once. Narcissists are incapable of empathy (putting themselves in your shoes), but they DO have a conscience. Sociopaths (Antisocial Personality Disorder) have no empathy, no conscience and no remorse. Scariest people on the planet. Narcissists are pains and sometimes emotionally cruel, but they aren't killers. But, like I said, someone can be BOTH at once. That would suck.
(I'm a therapist and specialize in NPD, BPD and Bipolar Disorders)
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