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It sucks for my friend as it is her daughter. How do you lock out a child? I know it will be necessary for her to do it but I also know it will be painful for her.
This kid is extremely manipulative. I'm saying kid but she's a young adult. I really feel for my friend.
I was estranged from my Mom for several months over childhood neglect and lack of amends. We are on good terms now that we have clear boundaries.
It's not always, but usually boys become narcissists and girls develop borderline personality disorder. BPD, by the way, is one of the most misunderstood illnesses on the planet. They do have empathy and they are very likely to kill themselves, but are not likely to kill/harm anyone else (unless they are ALSO a sociopath).
Yes! Sociopath is exactly what I was thinking of. I was in a relationship with a guy like that once and when I broke it off it turned into stalking, and then the lies went really far out there! He even faked a suicide attempt to get attention. It's like these people just can't get enough drama in their lives.
It's about attention. They're empty people with this insatiable need for attention/praise and a ruthless drive to get it. I dated someone like this. There is no underlying structure to anything they do - no foundation of morals, values, empathy, understanding or reciprocity in relationships. It is simply and purely only about them and their needs at any given moment. It really is like being with a child.
The most frustrating thing for me being with someone like this, was that the relationship never actually evolved or grew. Two people, whether in a romantic relationship or friendship, are supposed to communicate, grow together, and bond. Something of substance is supposed to be the outcome of two people getting together. This does not happen with narcissists or sociopaths because they're so obsessed with themselves that they can't see past the end of their own nose. They are the only occupants of their world and there is no real room for you or anyone else. They don't actually trust anyone, so they don't bond with people - and if you want to be in their world, you have to mold yourself to them because they sure in hell won't mold themselves to you. They might be into you in the beginning and flatter you by mimicking your personality or style, but really this is about them taking what they want from you and making it theirs.
I have a very famous wealthy father who is Classic NPD, they always have other pathologies attached, in my families case primary and secondary psychopaths and other issues like pedophile and esoteric practices. They are dangerous people and my life was destroyed by them. My Dad is so famous he was able to engage others to bully me and attempt to get me to suicide. I have dozens of cousin aunts brothers family member yet not one of them is my friend, they all stay in the cabal. I made the horrible mistake of trying to maintain relationships with them until finally at about 42 I realized i was unloved and despised by my entire family. I came to my mothers side at her death but I regret it now as she did not love me either, only the men, typical enabler of these phycos. If your are young and have a life ahead of you i urge you to cut them off permanently and find yourself a healthy substitute in the form of a mentor or friend. NPDs also delight in watching a person break down and do self harm, so don't play into them. It was very hard to accept I had never been loved and will probably never experience what others call love, but you cant stay in the relationships. Therapists are rarely of any help don't waste your money or your time, just do what you know you have to do and stick to non NPD people who are kind and capable of bonding and creating lasting healthy relationships. if you don't get out soon enough you'll end up like me to damaged to date,marry or even spend time with normal people.
Yeah, my mother was NPD, too. When I was in my early 30s, I couldn't take it anymore and cut her out of my life. I felt all sorts of guilt over it for years, but I still believe that I made the right decision, no matter how painful it was.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka
I guarantee that if you were to go back now and have the tearful reunion, things would be back to "normal" by tomorrow.
Ellise, you did make the right decision. And no, if you went back tomorrow there would be pain. My
mother tried to ruin my life and in some ways she did. As a matter of fact her vindictive, toxic,
selfish and manipulative qualities throughout the years continue. She never should have had children,
and when she did their purpose was to serve her every stupid and demented whim. She was as loving
as Medusa. I should write a book, but no one would believe it.
There are some great books on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I suggest you read some of them. They are very damaged people and emotionally stuck at about 5 years old. They constantly need praise. It is much easier if you treat them as you would treat a young child. They will have tantrums - you can expect that. And they need praise the way that a drug addict needs drugs. Think of them as a praise addict. They never got enough as a child and they need tons now. They have very fragile egos. Never criticize a narcissist - it will emotionally KILL them and they will either lash out at you or give you the silent treatment (sometimes for weeks/months!). I know it's hard - I have close friends and family members that are narcissistic (most notably my grandmother and my best friend). But they can be navigated and you can have a semi-normal relationship with them if you don't take their actions personally (it has nothing to do with you!). BTW, if you want to get a narcissist to do something for you - tell them (nicely) that you think they can't do it. They will kill themselves trying to prove you wrong!
btw Nanny Goat - they don't actually think they are lying. They often believe their own lies, sadly.
SouthernNatureLover - there is a difference between a sociopath and a narcissist. But it IS possible to be both at once. Narcissists are incapable of empathy (putting themselves in your shoes), but they DO have a conscience. Sociopaths (Antisocial Personality Disorder) have no empathy, no conscience and no remorse. Scariest people on the planet. Narcissists are pains and sometimes emotionally cruel, but they aren't killers. But, like I said, someone can be BOTH at once. That would suck.
(I'm a therapist and specialize in NPD, BPD and Bipolar Disorders)
Wow, this is true. I could never figure it out. My SIL is incapable of empathy, totally unable to put herself in another's shoes, yet she does have some type of conscience (sent cards w/ guilty undertones in them over the years (to my husband). So, I always felt she did feel some guilt over her past behaviors, the things she must have known, at some level were wrong, but repeatedly did the behaviors despite her knowing they were grossly wrong. But, with the hints of "guilt" in some of her writings, I couldn't understand it. Yes, no empathy, but some conscience.
yes. claiming to be "lonely" and then going on as if you are 'the one' who can 'heal their pain'. and then nothing you do for them is 'good enough'; not wanting to help themselves, either. presumptuous claims without checking in with you for actual proof/ignoring in-depth feedback & preferring the fantasy "you" to the ordinary you with your own needs and feelings.
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