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Old 02-27-2012, 04:08 PM
 
3 posts, read 5,103 times
Reputation: 21

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I'm 24 - an architecture student... things should be good and I can see them going where i want them to. but it's been like that for years

I'm trapped in a relationship. I have a family that don't help me. I have £10,000 of overdraft debt plus my student loans, i've gained three and a half stone in three years, I don't sleep at nights and take drugs openly as a form of escapism.

Sometimes I feel like a walking zombie and feel myself being emotionally driven out of my own control. Sometimes I cry when the bathroom door closes, so that I am on my own away from my girlfriend. who albeit my best friend, I do not and will not ever love. But I can't leave her due to financial and emotionally supportive reasons. All my friends have finished university and left the city.

I feel at breaking point but somehow feel i'm just feeling sorry for myself. Perhaps the way I feel is my own fault.

Only recently have I started considering my life pointless and as a tunnel with no light at the end of it.

What do I do? do I wait to no longer feel like this again, as it comes and goes. Or see my GP and feel stupid as he sits their obviously thinking this isn't unusual and he is just feeling sorry for himself.
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Old 02-27-2012, 05:35 PM
 
5,238 posts, read 7,968,813 times
Reputation: 11402
You're 24, so some have finished before you, that doesn't mean much in the long run. Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare. Stop the drugs, maybe see the GP, a counselor, maybe get into a support group. Even long term sleep problems can be enough to feel like you're losing it. I know it can be hard to do when depressed and overwhelmed, but think about someone else a bit, try to volunteer at an animal shelter when you have a free day and feel up to it, doing some good for someone else can help ones own perspective too. Hope things get better.
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Old 02-28-2012, 01:19 AM
 
Location: Clovis Strong, NM
3,376 posts, read 6,089,416 times
Reputation: 2031
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
Well... I was at work a few years back (not my current job) and had a WHOLE LOT of things happen a once (both personal and work related). I was at work one minute, then woke up in the hospital later that next day. Apparently, according to my Doc, my body and mind just gave up on all the stress and forcibly shut my body down. Scary experience.

I would never think of taking anothers' life, though.
Already happened to me back in November as I posted about it awhile back.
I've been away from that line of work for the past month and don't feel as stressed as I did.
No weigh-station cops to deal with, no logbook vs. running over hours, and no hunting for a parking spot nightly for that 100' POS.

Sadly though, this brief respite is trying the patience of my stepdad(whose house I'm staying at.) and a few friends that think I'm too old to live at home.
It's just amazing to see how quickly people forget about the reason you got set back and would rather have you suffer again.
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Old 02-28-2012, 01:31 AM
 
Location: southern california
61,289 posts, read 87,253,323 times
Reputation: 55556
all the way. was going down fast and doctors were not helping. was completely healed quickly however thru spiritual means. it accounts for my current religion.
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Old 02-28-2012, 10:39 AM
 
Location: SC Foothills
8,831 posts, read 11,597,842 times
Reputation: 58253
Quote:
Originally Posted by anon.1988 View Post
I'm 24 - an architecture student... things should be good and I can see them going where i want them to. but it's been like that for years

I'm trapped in a relationship. I have a family that don't help me. I have £10,000 of overdraft debt plus my student loans, i've gained three and a half stone in three years, I don't sleep at nights and take drugs openly as a form of escapism.

Sometimes I feel like a walking zombie and feel myself being emotionally driven out of my own control. Sometimes I cry when the bathroom door closes, so that I am on my own away from my girlfriend. who albeit my best friend, I do not and will not ever love. But I can't leave her due to financial and emotionally supportive reasons. All my friends have finished university and left the city.

I feel at breaking point but somehow feel i'm just feeling sorry for myself. Perhaps the way I feel is my own fault.



Only recently have I started considering my life pointless and as a tunnel with no light at the end of it.

What do I do? do I wait to no longer feel like this again, as it comes and goes. Or see my GP and feel stupid as he sits their obviously thinking this isn't unusual and he is just feeling sorry for himself.
It sounds like your problems are situational, and not mental. If it were mental, it wouldn't come and go, it would be relentless and you would not have any reprieve from the madness at all. You may be suffering from some situational depression but you sound over-loaded and stressed to me.

I'm no therapist but the first thing I think you need to do is get out of your bad relationship. Don't worry about hurting someone else's feelings, you've got to take care of your own self and your needs. If you're not in love with this person and all you can do is think about is how to get out of it then it's time to do it NOW, you're not doing the other person any favors either.

Your life IS NOT pointless, you're just overwhelmed right now. Time to do some serious clean-up work in your personal life and focus completely on school and nothing else. And stop doing drugs!!! That only exacerbates a situation and it's a very temporary fix to problems that need to be handled, not pushed aside and left unattended. That leads to where you are now, which is completely stuck and spiraling downward.

I've been where you are right now many times and one thing I've learned (although I do have serious mental disabilities) is to remove ALL the things from your life that cause stress.......I mean all of it. Then, you can focus on whether or not your problems are mental or situational. I'm far from someone who has it completely all together so I don't claim to know it all, I could be totally missing something but I think from what you said your first step is ending your relationship, no matter the circumstances. If she is dependent on you financially you will have to leave her with some understanding on how she will survive without you. Remain friends, but you can't keep hanging onto a relationship if there is no love there. And for heaven's sake, don't get married!!

I really hope you can get past all of this, graduate and find a great job. You've got a ton of life to live and look forward to so please don't give up. Good luck to you, I think you'll be just fine.
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Old 02-28-2012, 10:21 PM
 
5,546 posts, read 9,981,762 times
Reputation: 2799
The closest I got to my breaking point was in Nov 2009. It was after the discovery of the duplicity of my former BF. Ok, there had been other heavy duty stuff not involving him leading up to it, but that was it. Fortunately, for me, the worst thing I do is rage and leave nasty voice mails or emails. Then I get very depressed and do what very depressed people do, which isn't much of anything. The thought of hurting another person physically does not enter my brain as I am not a violent person and I would not allow another person to ruin my life and end me up in the slammer.

This is why these women who kill their children must just truly snap or are evil. They could give their kids away. No need to kill them. Same applies to men.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:40 PM
 
18,837 posts, read 37,281,021 times
Reputation: 26463
was married to a man who did nothing but add drama to my life. I was in a constant state of mental, and emotional stress. I was so stressed, I forgot to eat. Once, I parked my car, and could not find it. I lost things often, like keys. I could not focus on anything. After we broke up, I went into a huge depression, I sat around my house in jammies all day, watching tv. For months. I was exhausted. I could not take care of myself, let alone four kids. But, kids have a way of needing so much, that at some point, you start taking care of them. So, it has taken time, but, I look back on who I was then...I am completely different now. Amazing.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:41 PM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
23,143 posts, read 28,910,546 times
Reputation: 32494
When people suddenly snap and do something evil, it's then that they discover there was never one I all along!

I am not a violent person? How do you know that, that you're not a violent person, capable of snapping, losing consciousness, and exhibiting some behavior that would shock the average reader of a newspaper the next day?

How many, sitting in jail the next day, eventually read about themselves in the paper, the article pointed out to you by a prison guard, and they start to laugh and say: That wasn't I!!! He's an imposter!!!

When you're in an emotional blackout, just like a drunk during a blackout, anything can happen!!!

I was once involved with an alcoholic who used to have blackouts, and he'd sit the next day, shaking his head in disbelief, telling him what he all did the night before! "You mean to tell me I talked to an old friend for an hour on the phone? I'll wait to get the telephone bill to believe that!"

Blackouts are blackouts!
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Old 02-29-2012, 10:18 PM
 
Location: United States
2,497 posts, read 7,461,153 times
Reputation: 2270
I was living in CA and was very depressed about my situation at the time. It was 2am, I wrote my goodbye note, slammed a 5th of Jim Beam and a handful of pills, walked out to the pier and in total darkness plunged myself off into the cold, dark sea. I remember being thrown around, swallowing water, I wasn't scared I just wanted it to end. Then I woke up on shore. FAIL. No matter how bad things get ill probably never go that far again, but who knows, society and stress can make you do crazy stuff. Id never hurt anyone but myself though, its nobody's fault but mine that my life sucks. I hate when people go on killing sprees, its stupid. If your that angry or crazy get help or do yourself in, but falling off the edge and taking others with you, that's bad.
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Old 03-01-2012, 02:03 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,496 posts, read 26,553,374 times
Reputation: 8966
Quote:
Originally Posted by tijlover View Post
And did it scare you? And did you experience a part of you that you never saw before?

You know, we've all had those days in our lives, when too many balls have been thrown our way, all at once. And, you panic when you think: if one more ball is thrown my way today................I'm going to......................

An 80 year old man in Las Vegas last week, killed his wife, himself, and his 47-YO son, shortly after she came back from the Doctor, informing him she had inoperable cancer.

I really don't think it was that information that did it. Previously, he might have too many balls thrown at him that day or week, and that last ball just hit him in the groin area. Sometimes, it's an accumulation of balls, and that's why we read about these crazy happenings, like the straw that breaks the camel's back.

It's funny, when I've come close to my breaking point, it's always something minor, after the majors, that tests my breaking point, like dropping a glass on the floor that shatters into smithereens. Yet, if I ended it, right then and there, the preceding majors would probably be overlooked, and I'd have this ridiculous obituary stating he killed himself over dropping a glass on the floor.
my Mom was my best friend and mentor.

She died of a sudden heart attack when I was still in college. I went into shock for a few years. My brother found her (he was very young) He became a surgeon, I think in part because of this trauma.

I would not act out on someone else, but something horrible like losing a spouse or loved one suddenly can really make anyone go off the deep end, become depressed, etc.
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