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Unread 01-04-2011, 10:27 AM
 
37 posts, read 15,188 times
Reputation: 58
Default (non) idiots guide to driving in miami

(NON) IDIOTS GUIDE TO DRIVING IN MIAMI:

Rule #1: Expect the unexpected. When in Miami, throw your 'Driving 101' book out of the proverbial window and expect other drivers to do the unexpected, i.e. crazy- --- unpredictable ---- For example, drivers have a tendency to slam on the brakes for no reason or realize at the last minute that their exit is next, so they'll drift across 4 lanes of traffic at 80mph, even if there's traffic.

Rule #2: Do not expect people to necessarily stop at red lights: even if the green light says "go". Expect some idiot to take the red light, so exercise caution at all times when at an intersection, especially if you are making a left turn.

Rule #3: Tailgating is a common problem in Miami. Drivers love to get right up your --- to try to intimidate you, even if you're not in their way and they have 8 other lanes to choose from. My advice is to gradually slow down, forcing them to overtake, rather than slamming the brakes on, or speeding up to accommodate their stupid needs.

Rule #4: Always keep a good amount distance from the car in front, especially in Miami as (see Rule #1), people have a tendency to slam on the brakes for no reason, particularly if they are yapping on their cellphone or texting (a common problem in Miami).

Rule #5: Watch out for anyone in Miami driving either a Honda Civic, Chevrolet Impala, Infiniti, Ford F150, Dodge Ram, Dodge Charger, Honda Accord or Nissan Altima. For some reason, drivers of these cars are the worst culprits on the road.

Rule #6: When merging onto an expressway, do not expect other drivers to allow you to merge. Basically, just force yourself in and do not even attempt to stop, even if some Honda Civic driving idiot needs to take a nanosecond out of his/her time by slowing down by a few mph.

Rule #7: When driving on the expressway, try to keep to the second inside lane. This will at least help you avoid the reckless speeders in the outside lanes, while also avoiding the crazy people merging on/off the expressway like idiots.

Rule #8: In order to maintain your sanity, I recommend listening to some relaxing music in your car (e.g. jazz, classical or folk) to at least try to mentally escape from the fact that you are surrounded by complete and utter *******s on the road, in the searing heat of South Florida.

Rule #9: Even though driving in Miami will push you to the point of wanting to physically kick someone's --- do not engage in any form of confrontation with anyone. Remember at all times that people in Miami are crazy, spontaneous and erratic and remember that many people in Miami carry guns, even in their cars. Some ------- cutting you off on the 836 is not worth dying over.

Rule #10: Try to avoid the expressways at nightm especially on Friday and Saturday as people are extra-crazy or even drunk going to/from "da club".

Rule #11: If you are at a light, expect to get honked at if you don't hit the gas the very nanosecond that the light turns green.

Rule #12: Don't expect the police to do ---- if you are wronged by a reckless driver. Most of the police (particularly Miami-Dade cops) drive just as awfully as the civilians. Do expect the police to stop you if you so much as *not* make a complete stop at a pointless stop sign at a pointless intersection in Pinecrest or Miami Springs (meanwhile, cars are running red lights and doing 70mph on US-1).

Rule #13: If you (out of the goodness of your heart) stop to allow another driver to pull out or pull in front of you, do not ever expect any thanks for it.

Rule #14: Traffic in Miami may be no worse than other major cities, but it is the most unpredictable. The plethora of accidents caused by idiots who don't know how to drive have a tendency to make traffic fine one day, but gridlocked the next. Always bank on hitting a traffic jam, even if it's at midnight on Sunday. Rush hour in Miami also tends to last for most of the day.

Rule #15: Expect pedestrians to do the unexpected too, i.e. dart out in front of you. If (by any chance) you do hit a pedestrian, don't do the Miami thing and just drive off - dial '911' and stick around until the police and ambulance arrive.

Rule #16: Do not expect other drivers to actually stop at a stop sign. A four way stop in Miami often means "f**k you, me first" and if the traffic lights at an intersection are broken, it's every man for himself.

Rule #17: Lane discipline does not exist in Miami. On an expressway, expect to find one idiot doing 40mph in one lane, while another idiot is doing 110mph in the other lane. Be particularly wary of this when attempting to change lanes or merge.
Rule #18: Many drivers in Miami do not have insurance and some don't even have a license. Try to bear that in mind when one of the simple fools crash into you, even if you were completely not at fault.

Rule #19: You will encounter many idiots who will say that Miami's drivers are "no worse than anyone else" and will continually dismiss your gripes. Ignore these people at all costs; they are delusional.

Rule #20: If you live in Miami, you will encounter many sad fools who will readily admit to driving drunk. Do not laugh or joke with these people. If you have to cut ties with them immediately, do not hesitate to do so.

Rule #21: Don't get suckered into believing it's one group of people responsible for the bad driving (e.g. Hispanics). ALL drivers in Miami are awful, regardless of race.

Rule #22: Finally, don't expect any form of courtesy from drivers in Miami - your very sanity and survival depends on it. Miami driving is definitely 'laissez-faire'.

 
Unread 01-04-2011, 10:44 AM
 
Location: West Kendall
4,713 posts, read 4,044,433 times
Reputation: 1051
How long did it take you to write this??
 
Unread 01-04-2011, 11:47 AM
 
221 posts, read 206,353 times
Reputation: 167
Every single point is spot on! Very good!
 
Unread 01-04-2011, 11:53 AM
 
Location: Trashorida
811 posts, read 705,962 times
Reputation: 439
OMG why open a new topic when you already posted the same stuff?

A (non) Idiots Guide To Driving In Miami

Quote:
Originally Posted by eiffel65 View Post
(NON) IDIOTS GUIDE TO DRIVING IN MIAMI:

Rule #1: Expect the unexpected. When in Miami, throw your 'Driving 101' book out of the proverbial window and expect other drivers to do the unexpected, i.e. crazy-ass, unpredictable ****. For example, drivers have a tendency to slam on the brakes for no reason or realize at the last minute that their exit is next, so they'll drift across 4 lanes of traffic at 80mph, even if there's traffic.

Rule #2: Do not expect people to necessarily stop at red lights: even if the green light says "go". Expect some idiot to take the red light, so exercise caution at all times when at an intersection, especially if you are making a left turn.

Rule #3: Tailgating is a common problem in Miami. Drivers love to get right up your ass to try to intimidate you, even if you're not in their way and they have 8 other lanes to choose from. My advice is to gradually slow down, forcing them to overtake, rather than slamming the brakes on, or speeding up to accommodate their stupid needs.

Rule #4: Always keep a good amount distance from the car in front, especially in Miami as (see Rule #1), people have a tendency to slam on the brakes for no reason, particularly if they are yapping on their cellphone or texting (a common problem in Miami).

Rule #5: Watch out for anyone in Miami driving either a Honda Civic, Chevrolet Impala, Infiniti, Ford F150, Dodge Ram, Dodge Charger, Honda Accord or Nissan Altima. For some reason, drivers of these cars are the worst culprits on the road.

Rule #6: When merging onto an expressway, do not expect other drivers to allow you to merge. Basically, just force yourself in and do not even attempt to stop, even if some Honda Civic driving idiot needs to take a nanosecond out of his/her time by slowing down by a few mph.

Rule #7: When driving on the expressway, try to keep to the second inside lane. This will at least help you avoid the reckless speeders in the outside lanes, while also avoiding the crazy people merging on/off the expressway like idiots.

Rule #8: In order to maintain your sanity, I recommend listening to some relaxing music in your car (e.g. jazz, classical or folk) to at least try to mentally escape from the fact that you are surrounded by complete and utter *******s on the road, in the searing heat of South Florida.

Rule #9: Even though driving in Miami will push you to the point of wanting to physically kick someone's ass, do not engage in any form of confrontation with anyone. Remember at all times that people in Miami are crazy, spontaneous and erratic and remember that many people in Miami carry guns, even in their cars. Some ******* cutting you off on the 836 is not worth dying over.

Rule #10: Try to avoid the expressways at nightm especially on Friday and Saturday as people are extra-crazy or even drunk going to/from "da club".

Rule #11: If you are at a light, expect to get honked at if you don't hit the gas the very nanosecond that the light turns green.

Rule #12: Don't expect the police to do **** if you are wronged by a reckless driver. Most of the police (particularly Miami-Dade cops) drive just as awfully as the civilians. Do expect the police to stop you if you so much as *not* make a complete stop at a pointless stop sign at a pointless intersection in Pinecrest or Miami Springs (meanwhile, cars are running red lights and doing 70mph on US-1).

Rule #13: If you (out of the goodness of your heart) stop to allow another driver to pull out or pull in front of you, do not ever expect any thanks for it.

Rule #14: Traffic in Miami may be no worse than other major cities, but it is the most unpredictable. The plethora of accidents caused by idiots who don't know how to drive have a tendency to make traffic fine one day, but gridlocked the next. Always bank on hitting a traffic jam, even if it's at midnight on Sunday. Rush hour in Miami also tends to last for most of the day.

Rule #15: Expect pedestrians to do the unexpected too, i.e. dart out in front of you. If (by any chance) you do hit a pedestrian, don't do the Miami thing and just drive off - dial '911' and stick around until the police and ambulance arrive.

Rule #16: Do not expect other drivers to actually stop at a stop sign. A four way stop in Miami often means "f**k you, me first" and if the traffic lights at an intersection are broken, it's every man for himself.

Rule #17: Lane discipline does not exist in Miami. On an expressway, expect to find one idiot doing 40mph in one lane, while another idiot is doing 110mph in the other lane. Be particularly wary of this when attempting to change lanes or merge.

Rule #18: Many drivers in Miami do not have insurance and some don't even have a license. Try to bear that in mind when one of the simple fools crash into you, even if you were completely not at fault.

Rule #19: You will encounter many idiots who will say that Miami's drivers are "no worse than anyone else" and will continually dismiss your gripes. Ignore these people at all costs; they are delusional.

Rule #20: If you live in Miami, you will encounter many sad fools who will readily admit to driving drunk. Do not laugh or joke with these people. If you have to cut ties with them immediately, do not hesitate to do so.

Rule #21: Don't get suckered into believing it's one group of people responsible for the bad driving (e.g. Hispanics). ALL drivers in Miami are awful, regardless of race.

Rule #22: Finally, don't expect any form of courtesy from drivers in Miami - your very sanity and survival depends on it. Miami driving is definitely 'laissez-faire'.
 
Unread 01-04-2011, 11:54 AM
 
Location: Trashorida
811 posts, read 705,962 times
Reputation: 439
Quote:
Originally Posted by WINTERFRONT View Post
How long did it take you to write this??
i figure it took him 37 seconds to copy and paste
 
Unread 01-04-2011, 12:11 PM
Status: "Enjoying the cool front for a few days." (set 6 days ago)
 
6,258 posts, read 11,559,398 times
Reputation: 2300
Closed, already have a thread like this.
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