MIAMI, FL
Forget Will Smith's 1998 hit "Miami", forget Miami Vice, forget those glossy images of Miami Beach......
In reality, there are 2 versions of Miami: there’s the Miami you see on TV, which is mostly Miami Beach, then there’s the rest of Miami – a bland, urban landscape littered with apartment buildings that look like cheap motels, gas stations, tacky strip malls, Publix supermarkets (Publix are the only real chain here), endless fast food restaurants, warehouses and cheap looking business parks. The version of Miami you don’t see on the TV is version 2 (an urban wasteland), where poverty, crime and inequality are rife and where the streets are literally choked with traffic. If you’re poor, you’ll live in a shack or an efficiency, or if you’re lucky, you’ll live in one of those apartment buildings that look like cheap motels with tiny windows and no view. If you’re middle class, you’ll probably find yourself living in the suburban hell depths of Kendall on SW 1,536,474 Street and 3,346,134 Ave, where you’ll pay $500k for your box-like house, which looks just like the million other box-like houses in your neighborhood and you’ll spend 4 hours a day commuting to work. Actually, if you have any sense, you’ll live in Broward, even if it means suffering the daily commute on the I-95 parking lot.
You’re led to believe that Miami is some sort of tropical paradise, full of beautiful beaches, great nightlife, great women and that it’s bubbling with culture. Sure, it has palm trees and the nightlife is great, if you’re prepared to shell out well over $200 to go to one of the clubs on South Beach. Miami is no paradise though – in fact, it’s about as far from being a “paradise” as you can get and I’ll tell you why.
Miami is a city with some of the worst traffic in North America. The roads here are inadequate, sub standard and generally f**ked up. Construction here takes 1,000 times longer than it does in the rest of the United States. Drivers here are amongst the rudest in the country. Drivers here are reckless, inconsiderate and downright rude. The expressways don’t have enough lanes and they don’t serve the areas they need to serve. There have been a number of hit and runs here too lately, which is disturbing.
For a metropolitan area of well over 5 million people, public transportation here is nothing short of a joke. You have one Metro Rail line going north to south and it doesn’t even serve anywhere west of the airport (where the bulk of the population of Dade County live). You’re forced to use your car because there’s no other choice, unless you just so happen to live close to the Metro Rail.
I’ll tell you that people here are downright rude, especially if you don’t speak Spanish. Customer service in general here is far worse than ANYWHERE in the United States and there’s a general lack of quality and efficiency here that is so common in the rest of this great country. Many people in this city are simply out to rip you off, whether it’s mechanics, doctors, vets or dentists. In Miami, you could be dying in the street and no one will stop to help you out.
Miami is practically third world. The poor here are forced to live in slums, or even shanty towns because housing here is so insanely expensive. You’ll pay over $300k for a house that looks like a box, somewhere in the depths of South Miami/Kendall and you’ll deal with a nice 2 hour commute in the morning, if you’re lucky. The bad areas here looks like they belong in Haiti, not a developed country like the United States. It’s very easy to end up in a bad neighborhood too, hence the fact that many tourists and visitors get killed/robbed. Miami is a city where the words "affordable" and "housing" simply do not see eye to eye.
Unless you’re into clubbing, reggaeton and drinking yourself into an oblivion, there’s really nothing much to do here. There is no “culture” here at all, despite the fact that natives will deny this until they’re blue in the face. This city is bland, boring, flat and uninteresting. There is little in the way of history here. Miami claims to be a great center of Latin culture, yet it doesn’t even come close to cities like Mexico City, Buenos Aires or even Rio De Janeiro and I see Miami as a poorer version of Panama City.
The new condo buildings here are nothing short of a disgrace. They are poorly designed, bland and they all look the same as the next condo. It’s sad that this city’s skyline will be shaped by bland condo buildings for decades to come – condo buildings that may not even sell as the condo boom will surely go bust at some point. It seems that this city builds and builds and builds without giving thought to investing in transport infrastructure or helping its real citizens that are the bread and butter of its economy.
An article on [
Miami News, Fort Lauderdale, Florida News, Headlines & Weather - WPLG Local 10.com stated that more people are fleeing South Florida than are coming here and that’s an indication of how fed up people are with this place and it’s unjustly high cost of living. This is a city where incomes are amongst the lowest in the United States while more of your salary will go on housing (rent or mortgage payments) than anywhere else in the country.
Homeless people are everywhere here and it’s sad. You have such a huge gap between rich and poor because this is a city that is all about “me, me, me” and doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the poor. This is a city more superficial than Los Angeles – where looks and money define who you are.
I wouldn’t mind such a high cost of living if I was living in Manhattan, LA, Paris or London but Miami truly ‘aint all that. In reality, it’s no more special than anywhere else in Florida, i.e. Jacksonville, Tampa and Orlando and to be honest, I’d rather live in any of those cities because at least I’d get my money’s worth.
There is no scenery here either. You have to drive all the way up to Georgia or South Carolina to find scenery, because there’s f**k all in Florida. Sure, there’s the Everglades, but humans have done such a great job of ruining that. The terrain here is flat, boring and it’s all the same even if you drive way past Orlando.
Also, let’s take a realistic look at Miami’s often hyped skyline. The skyline looks pretty at times (especially at night), but there are basically just 2 tall office buildings Downtown (one is extremely ugly, i.e. the Bank Of America Tower). You have the Four Seasons Tower in Brickell, but that’s just a plain ol’ box. The rest of the skyline is littered with condominiums that are all carbon copies of the next condominium – how interesting, huh?
You have a genuine lack of zoning in Miami, hence the fact that despite having a (run down) Downtown district, there is no real commercial center and business are spread out randomly across the city, which probably doesn’t help the insane traffic problem.
The climate is what brings a lot of people here, but the climate sucks. For 6 months of the year, it rains more than it rains in Seattle. You have the risk of being hit by a hurricane too and this place has flooded more times than I care to remember. If so much as a tropical storm hits, it renders thousands of people without power for sometimes as long as 5 weeks. If a hurricane hits, forget it – the weak-ass power grid just crumbles. Then you have the constant humidity and the many bugs that are only too eager to bite.
Women – most of them are just gold diggers. They’ll f**k you if you have a nice car and a six figure paycheck.
I know that many will flame me for this, but I don’t care. I live here and work here and I write this based on not only my opinion, but the opinion of many others who have lived here all their life and hate Miami with a passion. Sure, this is a great “party city”, but it’s not such a great place to live for many people here who are struggling with the high (and ever increasing) cost of living.
I work with a guy who drives 90 miles to work from West Palm Beach to Miami every day because he simply refuses to live in Miami. I know another guy who suffers a 3 hour commute on public transportation from Hollywood to Miami because he doesn’t want to live in Miami.
The reality is that it’s simply boring here. Everywhere looks the same, everyone is the same. Most people in Miami are a carbon copy of the next person and it’s sickening. There’s nothing to see here and nowhere to go, unless you fancy a 1,000 mile drive to beautiful South Carolina. Miami isn’t like anywhere else in the United States – it is a country of its own, in many respects. You can’t live the “American Dream” here because this simply isn’t America.
There’s Miami Beach, then there’s the rest of Miami. Miami Beach is great for a week’s vacation, but that’s all. The rest of Miami is not even worth wasting an hour of your time on.
If you fly into MlA and drive out of the airport, the first thing you see is crap. You see a construction site that has been that way for years, a f**ked up LeJeune Road that is worse than a dirt track, countless seedy sex shops and nasty hotels/motels that’ll charge you $100 a night to stay in a room filled with cockroaches.
In summary, palm trees don’t make a paradise. Me, well I’m off to Massachusetts in a few months and I can’t wait. Don’t con yourself into thinking that Miami is some sort of paradise. Personally, this place is no better than Detroit and just as run down in places. If Will Smith loves this city so much, maybe he should try living in Hialeah or Opa Locka for a couple of weeks – he’d soon change his mind!
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01-02-2008, 11:09 PM
Compelled to reply
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