[dadtotwo]

I came across this board while searching for some information and it seems like it is very helpful. I am in need of some impartial advice and I'm thinking this may be a place to get it. If you don't mind reading my story and posting your thoughts I would really appreciate it.

I'm going to make a long story short...

My wife and I grew up in Michigan, around the Detroit area. About 10 years ago (as adults) we moved away to Florida. We really like Florida and the lifestyle here.

However, we have had two kids since then. They are ages 2 and 4. We have no family that live down here, everyone is in Michigan. They only get to see family members once a year, sometimes twice. It's hard. Our oldest cries when grandma goes home and she asks frequently if we can go see grandma, cousins, etc. Yet they live far away.

Our mind keeps telling us that we should take our kids back to Michigan and raise then around family so they have the opportunity to build relationships with them. We are on the fence, not sure what to do. We think that raising them near family is likely better. Yet we have some concerns, such as the economy and snow.

My wife works at home, so she can take her employment with her wherever she goes. But I can't do that and fear I'd have a hard time finding a decent job, or trying to build some kind of home business.

So... basically I am wondering: do we overcome the fears and raise kids by family so they can partake in holidays, birthdays, get-togethers, etc. Or do we stay put and raise them away from people and possibly regret that when they are older they don't feel any close bonds to the extended family?

Thank you in advance for your thoughts. I appreciate it. My horoscope yesterday said to find some impartial advice. So I'm hoping this is it.

[suydam]

You can take two truisms to the bank right now:
Michigan is a great place to raise a family.
Michigan is a horrible place to find a job.

I wouldn't even entertain the idea of moving without employment lined up to support your desired lifestyle. If your wife already has a Michigan-compatible job, it's on you. Go find a job. Once you have one, move back to Michigan. Until you have one, stay in Florida.

Raising your kids near family is a really valuable experience for them. Being evenn 2 or 3 hours away would mean seeing family 9-12 times a year. That's a huge difference from 2 flights a year (and pretty much robbing your kids of other vacations since you're probably spending the majority of your time off doing the family thing).

[michmoldman]

Suydam is right on. There are very few jobs in MI. and what jobs there are, you will have a ton of competition. Unless you can find a job before you move, I would not even consider it. Maybe do a lot of e-mails, maybe webcam visits, I would think of something else to keep them in touch. Maybe a year or two the economy will turn and you can move back with a bit more confidence. Is your wifes job something you both could do from home and maybe expand on it? That may be the only way.
We would love to say come on up, everything will work out for you, but not so. Good luck!

[dadtotwo]

Thanks for the insight, I appreciate it!

[tryin2buy]

Or.....give it some time. Things are getting so bad around here with job losses that maybe your relatives will relocate to Florida! I'm always very open to the idea, especially around February!

Seriously though, none of my family has had to relocate yet, although two have recently lost their jobs. My son loves having all of his cousins, aunts, uncles, grandma and papa all within 20 or so miles. He just started driving and goes to see his grandparents all the time without me. They are really close. Even though relatives can be a major pain, I can't image not having them local.

[chance2jump]

I agree that family bonds are important, but surviving the current economy takes priority. There are soooo few jobs in MI, and employers are low balling to boot. We've been having this discussion at home, too, but we're a little opposite. We're interviewing in NC this week, my family is in MI and his in OH. We're talking about a child in the coming years. It will devestate my father not to be close to a grandchild. But, there are no jobs to be had in MI. We've been there and done that, now we're part of the "refugees" that had to leave for work.

Suggestions... Over the net web conferencing. It isn't perfect, but a lot of families are making due with it. I have an acquintance in Cleveland who's immediate family moved to Cali and extended live in OH. He doesn't web cam with his neices every chance he can.

Good luck!

[dadtotwo]

Thanks for the thoughts everyone, I appreciate it. And the web cam idea is a great one!

[GalFriday]

About the webcam - get Skype. Nearly free.

However, if you trulythink you want to come back here, you should do two things.
1) Get a job first. Yeah, that's the logical thing.
2) Talk to the family that is up here and ask if they would be willing to help you relocate back. And I don't mean that they need to give you cash and rent free housing for as long as it takes. What I'm saying is, if you can move up here, are they willing to watch your children for a while in case you and your wife are working at the same time. How much will they help?

If you are totally invested in the idea of moving, you may have to do it in two parts. What if your wife and kids move up here (again, here's where relatives come in to play) and then you move up after you find work. That's a tough decision, because now you're trading your family time with them for family time with everyone else.

good luck!

[xlabel]

I'm in a similiar boat kind of. I was born in FL and my g/f from MI. We have 2 children 4 and 11. It's been a constant back and forth battle on where to live. Most of my small family is gone in FL (dead) but all of her family is up here. All I heard about in FL from her was how she misses her family, but you know what? Now that we're back in MI she doesn't hardly go see them anyhow. Easter, Thanksgiving , Christmas, a half a dozen Sundays a year for a few hours and that's about it.

Her brother's and sisters are all to busy doing thier own thing and Grandma who is retired declines babysitting more often than not if we want a night out.

Just my opinion but if your stable down there, to pick up and come here right now is high risk and it costs significant money to relocate that distance.

I'd take advantage of latest technology, you can talk to relatives if you all had a webcam like your right in each other's livingroom, (my g/f's mom talks to her son in New Zealand this way all the time and gets to see her new grandbaby 3 or 4 times a week live). I don't know how old kids have to be to fly alone now but before you know it they'll be ready to go visit relatives for extended periods and it's safe as long as you stay with them right up to the boarding gate and there is someone ready on the other end to get them immedietly.

[Coldjensens]

There is another current thread with almost the same circumstances and same question. Is this the same person?

You may wnat to go find that thread and read responses there as well.