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Old 09-14-2009, 08:50 PM
 
Location: Northwest Lower Michigan
271 posts, read 662,035 times
Reputation: 79

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You guys could both compromise, but then neither one of you would be happy. She knows what she needs to have in life and so do you and unfortunately it is two opposite ways of life and two opposite ends of the country. There are plenty of women in Michigan that would want a guy who likes it here. You've got the opportunity now, you're not married, no kids. Come on back!This is a good reason why I am all for couples living together first. Much better to find these things out now, than to get married and THEN see if you can live with each other. Back in the olden days it was much simpler. These days there are just too many variables. No offense. Just my opinion.
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Old 09-14-2009, 09:14 PM
 
4,519 posts, read 4,063,850 times
Reputation: 2247
I moved to AZ for work and instantly hated it. I met my wife there and she found a job which kept us there for a few years. Thankfully, we had an opportunity to move to Chicago which gets us a bit closer (we want to move to the thumb).

I understand how you feel michigandersforever. I made sure my wife knew my feelings about where we lived and what I wanted and how I was unhappy in AZ and for me it would only be temporary. Luckily for me she did not like AZ either because they treat teachers so badly.

If she had wanted to stay in AZ we probably would not have dated for more than a few weeks because I knew when I met her that I could not stay in AZ I would be miserable and depressed and the relationship would not work.

If you are depressed and miserable to be around, and your gf is your only source of support in the area, she is probably going to get sick of you being depressed and your relationship is headed for a rocky road if not an end.

You need to talk with her and tell her how you feel and you two need to decide what you want out of the relationship. If you want to be together, then you need to compromise. She needs to help you get some satisfaction out of life in Houston and you need to be willing to endure the heat and city life.

Best of Luck
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Old 09-15-2009, 08:03 AM
 
Location: MichOhioigan
1,595 posts, read 2,975,113 times
Reputation: 1599
I have seen so many couples break up or at least struggle with this situation. One wishes to remain in the current location, the other wishes to go elsewhere. There really is no solution without someone forsaking their own happiness. You could move to a more climate-neutral area (i.e. Tennessee, Missouri, Kentucky, etc.) but you would still be without family and friends and she without her job. I am sure you two have already discussed that possibility.
What if you two gave it another year, or six months even, and continued to work at a solution? Do you think that would be beneficial? You have aleady invested seven years. You don't want to make any decision you may regret without giving 110% towards working it out first.
But I sense you had already made your decision even before you posted here. It is hard. Either way you will be losing a part of yourself but at the same time growing as a person. Isn't life a kick in the a**?
Good luck on life whichever way you go!
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Old 09-15-2009, 09:49 AM
 
189 posts, read 520,439 times
Reputation: 144
As somebody who has been in your girlfriend's position, I can tell you it's not much better either.

Two years ago we both were excited to make a new start somewhere, and my wife encouraged me to take a job in CO. It didn't take us long to figure out that it wasn't for us, but with me being busy with work (and commited to being there for a while), I honestly was surprised to find her at home everyday when I got home from work. Seriously, everyday I expected to come home to an empty driveway and a note... but she stuck it out with me, even through a holiday season, and we eventually moved back to Michigan.

This time (yes, it's happened again), it was even worse. We were both laid off, I got a job offer out of state again (Chicago this time), and basically said "I'm taking it". Of course she compromised and came with me, this time with our son in the mix no less, but everyday I live with the choice that I basically made for her. I tried to make it up to here by letting her pick where she wanted to live (hence my commute), and committing to seeing people from home as often as possible (either them coming here or us going there at least once per month), and it has been easier, but I realize everyday that she made a concious choice to leave what she loved (Michigan, her family, etc) to be with me.

How will our situation end up getting resolved? I have no idea... I just wanted you to know that in today's economic climate there's a lot of people who can relate with both of you guys. It's tough, and I guess you'll have to figure out what's more important to you, but for me I'd follow my wife anywhere, and it's even more comforting for me to know that she has followed me anywhere.
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Old 09-15-2009, 10:55 AM
 
30 posts, read 72,406 times
Reputation: 19
To the original poster:

This is the kind of situation in which a good relationship counselor could help immensely. It wouldn't necessarily be easy for the two of you -- you'd still have to wrestle with the issues -- but the counselor could lay out the issues you both see and probably some more you don't even know are there.

A lot of people are resistant to getting help, but this is a big decision. The couple of hundreds of dollars involved aren't much compared to the costs of moving, of staying where you don't want to be, or of leaving and feeling a lot of regret later.
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Old 09-15-2009, 08:10 PM
 
Location: Wyandotte, MI
364 posts, read 874,761 times
Reputation: 306
Come on back to MI! Fall is on our doorstep now, I know how important it can be to go through the change of seasons. I know someone living in TX, the heat is unbearable and there is not really much change in seasons. Hell on earth imo. Not to mention, even more importantly, all your family/friends are up here. As someone else said, Welcome home!
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Old 09-16-2009, 09:09 AM
 
1,012 posts, read 2,551,153 times
Reputation: 462
You should not expect her to quit HER job just because YOU want to move back. That is very selfish. Personally, I would rather live in/near Houston than anywhere in MI. But it seems like the end is near end for this relationship.
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Old 09-16-2009, 09:30 AM
 
52 posts, read 291,775 times
Reputation: 31
Whatever you decide, I hope you at least have a job lined up before you move back.
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