Rights as a Military Spouse (Air Force, officers, dependents, house)

[AJBarney]

Well, ten posts later, my question still stands.

[Poncho_NM]

Originally Posted by AJBarney

With all these complications, why did you get married in the first place?

Originally Posted by AJBarney

Well, ten posts later, my question still stands.

What makes you think these problems existed before they were married?

I don't think the question really helps the original poster...


Rich

[GeorgiaTransplant]

Originally Posted by DBMommy

Support???? why are we arguing about Percentages??? He's supposed to be there for his family 100% taking care of his family 100% wife and kids...emotionally physically mentally and all of the above, I do not know how you were raised or if you have any kids if you did you could probably relate...no one should turn their backs on their kids and family, i don't care what your occupation is... You're talking like I want nothing but his money..."NOT THE CASE" believe it or not, if he supported me right , treated me right, even if he didn't have a job but did everything he was supposed to do making sure we still had " SOME TYPE OF WAY " I'd still be with him...FAMILY comes FIRST!I guess you have it in your head that every woman is a gold digger, or that every civilian spouse wants nothing but benefits and money.

You're really misunderstanding me. I agree he SHOULD take care of his family. He obviously won't, and you asked what your rights were.


' I was wondering what rights I have as a military spouse...'

Well, frankly, you have the right to call his commander...and...uh...get support in the amount specified in the regulation. Ladybug07 responded to me by saying

'they are required to support their families'

This is why the Army doesn't get honestly all that involved in divorce proceedings. It just can't win. You can say it's '100% of this' or '100% of that'. Clearly your husband doesn't think that's the case. Who's right? The one SUPPORTED BY REGULATION. The regulation that Ladybug helpfully quoted. When you start talking about emotions, no regulation in the world will help.

Sorry you dislike the talk of percentages, but it really does matter: if you separated, he'd have to pay either:
a) What you two agree to in writing
b) A certain percentage of his housing allowance

While you're still married, it will be treated as a spouse complaining about her husband. Which any CO gets calls about roughly 10-15 times a month, and 5-10 times is so much bulls***. The COs and 1SGs get a little jaded after the 10th 'he didn't give me any money' that turns out to be demonstrably not true, and in at least several cases is so utterly false that it seems like it should be a comedy. TRUE exchange I had when I was a CO:

Divorced spouse: 'My ex is a deadbeat and isn't supporting me or the kids...I haven't seen a check for the last 3 months!'
Me: Really? Because I have copies of cashed checks, signed by you, for more than he's supposed to pay.
Divorced spouse: ...

And getting involved with the 'he's never around for me' is just a no-win situation. Ultimately, it's your marriage to fix and the husband has to want to fix it also.

By the way: several kids. Happily married. Even if she did decide to have an affair or left ME I'd agree to give her roughly 3/4 of my income until the children are raised, and then if she'd left me for a good reason, half in perpetuity, but not all men feel that way. Thanks for asking.

[ladybug07]

Originally Posted by GeorgiaTransplant

Okay, I stand corrected on one component: you're right... The regulation states that the Commander will order them to comply with that regulation, and I'll be honest: I've never once had JAG back me on 'ordering' a Soldier to put a check in the mail. I have always been told I can *punish* for failure to provide support, either in the amount agreed on in a written court order, or a proportion of housing allowance, not order them to write a check.

However-please go read the front of it. Can you explain what 'support their families' means? I'm willing to bet you can't, or simply believe it means some proportion of the paycheck. Unfortunately, it's not defined. The Soldier probably believes he's providing just fine. The wife obviously doesn't.

So...define for me what 'support' means in numeric terms before we go on. 10% of the paycheck? 50%? 75%? 'Enough' isn't going to cut it in the courtroom.

They have to put a roof over their families head, food on the table, clothes on their back and take care of the needs (ie diapers, formula etc). That is support. (This is per a divorce lawyer who specializes in Military divorces.) So yes, I do know this as a fact. Also that he cannot take the debit card for the joint account and that he cannot leave it at a 0 balance when gone (either deployed, TDY or school). They can get in trouble for that.
Yes the Army does not get involved in any divorce stuff. Thats one of the reasons why you DO NOT go to JAG about anything dealing with seperation, divorce or what you are or are not entitled to. They do not know the current state laws.

DBMommy- as a military spouse myself, the reality of our husband being there 100% emotionally, mentally, physically is not going to happen. They get deployed or sent on a TDY, they have no clue what we deal with here unless its big enough for us to tell them (like a foreclosure of a rental house your renting, car accident, major car repairs etc). I've found out I am stronger than I ever thought. I could sit here and tell you stuff that has happened with him gone that would make your jaw drop. Lets just say between my Grandma and my Mother in law who are wives of retirees, they never experienced half the stuff I have lol!
One day he will wake up and realize what he is doing. Just hope its not too late.

[DraggingCanoe]

You want action call the CG's hotline...leave a message in the recording.

[sailordave]

If you have family, call them and ask them to get you a one way plane ticket and cab fare. While he's out, take your things and your kids and head out. Once you get home, call a divorce lawyer and let him know you wish to divorce your active duty husband on the grounds of adultery. Because the kids are also his, they will continue receiving military health coverage so long as he remains in active duty. He'll also be required to provide child support and insist it be through an automatic payroll deduction while he's active duty. Either it'll be a wake up call to stop the partying or he'll eagerly sign to be free. You shouldn't go through the command for this.

[ladybug07]

Her daughter is not his biological child. However they will both continue to recieve Tricare as long as their married. The day the divorce is final is the day their entitlements end.

[sailordave]

Originally Posted by ladybug07

Her daughter is not his biological child. However they will both continue to recieve Tricare as long as their married. The day the divorce is final is the day their entitlements end.

Thanks, missed that part. She could still get alimony until she gets on her feet again with help from family.

[Poncho_NM]

Originally Posted by sailordave

Because the kids are also his, they will continue receiving military health coverage so long as he remains in active duty.

1. If the kids were his, or he legally adopted them.

2. If he remains on active duty. I currently know three men who have gotten out of the service and abandoned their families. Some people think they will get away from it... Perhaps some do... I have also known others in the past.

ADDED:

Originally Posted by sailordave

Thanks, missed that part. She could still get alimony until she gets on her feet again with help from family.

3. How many women have you heard of who did not get their alimony payment? I have heard of plenty...



Rich

[millie61]

What would you do if he worked for Wal-Mart ??