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I am a 21 yr old mother of one who just turned 2yrs old this past Sunday. I just got married April 15, 2011. I was wondering what rights I have as a military spouse... I'm new to this military life thing, and my husband basically has the upper hand in everything because he knows I dont know ANYTHING about the army or what I can do as a spouse. Im unemployed I just sold my car to a junk yard so I dont have anything. My husband just got in trouble for adultery ....but not big trouble he still has his rank E-4 and everything since they really couldnt prove he had an affair, it was just rumored. to make a long story short I'm un-happy, he was advised to go to marriage counseling by his NCO but hasnt really made any progress. the word annulment has been constantly coming up in our household. his reasons he feels like he wasn't ready, too much responsibility , he still wants to go out n party with his friends, he's not used to having some one to answer to (wife). as of right now as we speak he hasnt come home yet ...it's 1:09 am he left out of here yesterday morning 6:30 am for PT, and supposedly has to jump in the morning. im stuck in the house with my 2 year old, i don't have a phone cant make any calls out, cant go anywhere i don't have any money, and all of our clothes are dirty, it upsets me because he knows all of this and would rather play around instead of handle his home and family first....he said he wanted an annulment but wanted me to still live with him so he could still take care of me and my daughter...i'm like isn't that responsibility?? and by the way he isnt my daughters biological father...so i feel like he feels he really doesn't HAVE TO come home when he's supposed to and he doesn't have to really do anything. Theres so much more to this story...
I am a 21 yr old mother of one who just turned 2yrs old this past Sunday. I just got married April 15, 2011. I was wondering what rights I have as a military spouse... I'm new to this military life thing, and my husband basically has the upper hand in everything because he knows I dont know ANYTHING about the army or what I can do as a spouse. Im unemployed I just sold my car to a junk yard so I dont have anything. My husband just got in trouble for adultery ....but not big trouble he still has his rank E-4 and everything since they really couldnt prove he had an affair, it was just rumored. to make a long story short I'm un-happy, he was advised to go to marriage counseling by his NCO but hasnt really made any progress. the word annulment has been constantly coming up in our household. his reasons he feels like he wasn't ready, too much responsibility , he still wants to go out n party with his friends, he's not used to having some one to answer to (wife). as of right now as we speak he hasnt come home yet ...it's 1:09 am he left out of here yesterday morning 6:30 am for PT, and supposedly has to jump in the morning. im stuck in the house with my 2 year old, i don't have a phone cant make any calls out, cant go anywhere i don't have any money, and all of our clothes are dirty, it upsets me because he knows all of this and would rather play around instead of handle his home and family first....he said he wanted an annulment but wanted me to still live with him so he could still take care of me and my daughter...i'm like isn't that responsibility?? and by the way he isnt my daughters biological father...so i feel like he feels he really doesn't HAVE TO come home when he's supposed to and he doesn't have to really do anything. Theres so much more to this story...
What rights do you want? If you think you should have the Army enforce a right to make your husband come home at a certain time, or to "answer to [you]," you're probably on the wrong track. As long as he's providing a serviceable residence, giving you and your son adequate food and clothing, there's not a lot that his chain of command can do with him other than counsel and mentor him, and hope he eventually does more than the bare minimum.
As for the adultery thing, it has to be pretty convincing evidence to punish for that...because a highly significant number of military divorces include the civilian spouse making allegations that are sometimes not true in an attempt to "get back" at the service member. The service member, believe it or not, does have some rights to protection from punishment for unproven allegations. Simply saying, or strongly believing, it happened, is not compelling proof to a court, and COs really should only punish if they are willing to take the charge to a court-martial and have enough evidence to convince the court beyond a reasonable doubt.
If you're unhappy, I'd strongly advise you to look into whether you really want to stay married.
No what I'm saying is we have a 2 yr old and he leaves me with absolutely NO MONEY..and I know he gets paid extra just by being married, and yes he does provide a place for us to stay, and food. But what im getting at is, what if an emergency was to pop up? and I needed to get our baby to the hospital? Or the baby needed diapers? and there have been times where i was on my last diaper and he was no where to be found. The adultery thing comes from him being involved in a relationship with another lower rank service member who told on him when she found out he was a married man. I was contacted by almost everyone over him...Commanders, NCO's etc asking me was I ok, and what did I want to do I guess as far as divorce or what not because this Girl nearly ruined his career they told me he couldve gotten kicked out of the army. Look I'm unhappy...but I dont believe in divorce...I take my vows seriously. Is there any one I can call or any way I can push for counseling? I know my husband is good at heart, but like his commander told me, he doesn't have his head on right... he still thinks like a Single Soldier...and he's married..his commander said he had but one more time to mess up again and he's out, Im a civilian...but I am in no way trying to get revenge on my husband or hurt him in any kind of way...I believe all we need is counseling to help us out and help him understand his duties as a husband and father
Is there any one I can call or any way I can push for counseling? I
Not really. You could always call the Commander, but when I was a Commander, I took every single call from a spouse with a grain of salt. There were typically two sides to every story.
"Pushing for counseling" is the absolute quickest way to push him even farther away. If HE doesn't want counseling, his CO or SGT sweating him to get it is just going to **** him off-and they can't make him go. If they skirt the rules and DO bluff him into going, he's not going to take it seriously.
People with problems need to want to change them for themselves, not because someone else wants them to change.
Do you have a fro, or ombudsman that you could speak to? There is a site called cinchouse.com that is all about spouses so you could try that.
Do you have family you can lean on, move in with until things get better? Doesn't sound like a good environment at all. I also found this site: http://www.sillunderground.com/
I don't know what base your at but I think they have an underground for each one. Good luck.
Do you have a fro, or ombudsman that you could speak to? There is a site called cinchouse.com that is all about spouses so you could try that.
Do you have family you can lean on, move in with until things get better? Doesn't sound like a good environment at all. I also found this site: Sill Underground - heart and soul of our community
I don't know what base your at but I think they have an underground for each one. Good luck.
i dont really have any family like that but i was thinking the same thing actually both of us were...my husband actually said " i dont think we'll both know what we actually mean to each other until we spend some time apart" because i did tell him i wanted to leave
I was wondering what rights I have as a military spouse... I'm new to this military life thing,
You might start by going to the Military OneSource. Education, relocation, parenting, stress - you name it - Military OneSource is here to help you with just about any need. Available by phone or online, our free service is provided by the Department of Defense for active-duty, Guard, and Reserve service members and their families. The service is completely private and confidential, with few exceptions. Military OneSource
You might look at the Strong Bonds web site. It offers single Soldiers, couples and families relationship building skills to thrive within the military lifestyle. The Strong Bonds couple weekend retreat is offered by Army chaplains and is designed to strengthen relationships, inspire hope and rekindle marriages. Strong Bonds is open to active duty Army, Army National Guard, Army Reserve and Air National Guard families. To locate a retreat near you, go to www.strongbonds.org.
You can also contact the Army chaplains office and see what advice you can gain.
It appears the you have a marriage problem, not an Army problem, but there is a lot of help available to both of you, if you want it. It will take some work on you and your husbands part.
I served in the Army for 22+ continuous years. My wife and I went through a lot of good times and bad times. We know many people who have gone through a variety of marriage issues. My wife and I have been married 42 years...
The military can't force him into marriage counseling, and calling his chain of command can simply make matters worse between the two of you.
You might want to try and google military significant other/spouse forums. Some of them may be able to help you find base support agencies to make sure you and your daughter are able to take care of yourselves.
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