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Old 11-30-2011, 07:58 AM
Location: Houston, TX
17,032 posts, read 26,015,549 times
Reputation: 16166


Sounds like you coddle the kid. First let him graduate but let hime know that he is an adult now and has to figure out how he is going to make a living for himself. (which means not living with mom and Dad - should have done this when he was 15 or 16). Discuss options and plan how HE could pay for it. Maybe the option of living at home for college is a choice as long as he maintains a B average. YOU will NEED to enforce this. Military is an option but I agree w others that if he is pushed into it he may just quit.
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Old 11-30-2011, 09:08 AM
Location: Columbia, SC
519 posts, read 1,824,931 times
Reputation: 615
My son was a lazy, unmotivated 18 year old and it was a struggle to get him graduated and to keep a job. I was very concerned about his prospect post-high school and had no doubts he would not do well in college at that point in his life. I asked him if he had every considered the military, and when he said he had, I asked if he wanted to talk to a recruiter. With his okay, I contacted a Marine Recruiter, and they met the following day. My son went to MEPS the following day and called me from there to tell me he had enlisted. Best decision he ever made. That was 11 years ago, and he's still in.

The military is not for everyone. I would sit down with him and try to figure out what he really wants to do. I agree that if you push the military on him and it ends up not being a good fit, he will harbor resentment towards you for pushing it on him. I have since married and active duty Soldier, and both of my daughters enlisted in the Army (one after completing her BA). Like I said, it's not for everyone, but has been great for my family!

Best wishes!
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Old 11-30-2011, 11:30 AM
Location: Matthews, NC
14,693 posts, read 22,460,513 times
Reputation: 14289
Bottom line is that either choice is his decision that he has to live with. And if he does go to college and it is a financial strain on you, then why are you paying? Plenty of people have made it through school working a part time job.

And don't forget, the world needs ditch diggers too so maybe a regular old job after high school is the best plan for this individual.
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Old 11-30-2011, 02:29 PM
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,568 posts, read 21,741,355 times
Reputation: 44332
OK I have leaned this so far from all of you helpful folks:

GED's no longer are generally acceptable in the Military.
Honestly, I am at my wit's end paying for a Christian High School, mostly because the schools in our city are bad to dangerous. They are typical city schools.

His sister's are both doing better than he is, they are on the Honor Roll, and he is getting very bad graded with LOADS of personnel attention.

With all of this personnel attention, he is only getting low Bs and Cs.
, in our former area, in a large elite public suburban school, he was getting Cs and Ds.
So I have learned that he does so better with 1. personal attention 2. A more structured environment.3 a stricter format 4. A school where he is known by name.

As for community college, we do have an excellent one here. One of his sisters is thinking about going there for two years, getting her Associate Degree, and then, transferring to a 4 yr. college.She is also thinking about the Military, but for very different reasons. Her cousin went to Clemson, and is an officer. She is a PA, and has very little debt. My daughter and my niece, are self motivated.

I have nothing personally against community college. But it does require perhaps MORE self discipline, than does a more personnel private smaller less competitive college.

But these two are very different. He has two male friends who went to the local CC after graduation from the same secondary school. One is on academic probation, and the other is "taking the semester off because he is tired of school" His plan? To work in the same fast food joint at 7 something per hour and live at home.

One poster asked about my son's job and that's an excellent question. He has had a job at a Department Store, a large locally known one since he turned 17. It is not a seasonal job. Most boys were hired for stock and other "back room' positions" My son started with sales and costumer service.He now earns under eight per hour. There is no future with this job. I know woman my age in their mid 40s who have been there for ten years. They make about $10 per hour - nothing more and they do not receive benefits. The only ones who do are district managers. And there are very few of those jobs.

As far as a technical career, or a Vocational School, most careers in our area are in the medical field, or automotive. He is not particularly good in math or science, and has no interest in becoming a doctor or a nurse or anything medical. There are few jobs in the Automotive Fields here.

The one kid I know who is doing that has a family business where he will be hired.
We have no family business, which is another thing to think about.

His SATs are 600 critical reading, 590 verbal 450 math. As you can see Math is not his strong point.
His strong areas are English, History, Especially WWII and the Civil War, Graphic Arts, and Anthropology.

His personal interests include reading ( especially about wars and history but also other topics) watching The History Chanel, computers and video games, track, ski team, Archeology,church your group, girls, drawing cartoons, social activities and driving around (what I would call cruising) and exploring and photographing things to to with Rail Roads, abandoned Coal Mines etc.( We have a lot of that here)

His personnel strengths are verbal skills, a large vocabulary, good manners, working well with others, a good work ethic, ( when it comes to his job, and his second job doing odd jobs and mowing lawns for an older couple in our church who hand choice him because he is "polite and friendly"

PS I am really NOT going to pull him out of HS. I am going to havehim ham=nd over his pay check and give him and allowance.

I appreciate ALL of your income.

Thanks, Signed "Mom on the Edge"
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Old 11-30-2011, 02:47 PM
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,568 posts, read 21,741,355 times
Reputation: 44332
Really I am not pushing or coddling. I am very strict with all of my kids. Two are doing well, all are kind polite and respectful kids. I am proud of that. I have done all of this by my self.

Yes I am married to dad, but he is involved with work not them.

All three are nice people, which today is an accomplishment. We have all dicussed after college plans since 10th grade. I am a planner by nature, and I do not believe in just standing around and "letting life happen to you"

All three are very involved in our church and are required under my roof, to attend each Sunday.
They also have chores. We eat together each night, and if I am old fashioned - go sue me.

My concern is that graduation is only 5 months away. Financed are not what they once were, and he thinks more about the here and now, than the future.

And of my kids, he is the one who will be facing the future soon.
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Old 11-30-2011, 08:07 PM
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ
16,116 posts, read 20,145,602 times
Reputation: 8204
The fact that this is posted on the Military Thread means most replies will be from people with military experience. Fifty years ago I was a High School dropout with only the inner city to look forward to. I finished High School, College and two careers thanks to the Structure the Army gave me. I can't speak for your subject but it turned my life around
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Old 12-02-2011, 07:18 PM
Location: san antonio, tx
608 posts, read 825,486 times
Reputation: 872
Sheena12, I think what you're doing is great. You have to be an active parent these days. I agree with everyone else that a HS diploma is a must. Also, for what its worth, I went in the military with the intention of staying in for 20 years simply because I did not want to go to college. But as I got older and matured a little more, I realized the importance of a college education. Obviously, having served for 20 years, I am definitely pro-military and I think all young people should have to serve at least 3 years. It sounds like your son will do well if he's open to joining.

Best of luck!
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Old 12-07-2011, 10:38 AM
4,159 posts, read 4,192,017 times
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I did 25 years in the Navy and enjoyed it. I think joining the service might be a good deal for your son. Give him a chance to earn a living and see some of the world.
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Old 12-07-2011, 05:58 PM
Location: Eastern Washington
13,388 posts, read 42,701,155 times
Reputation: 11465
Something to think about might be a military college like VMI or North Georgia College.

Why is his math score relatively low - is it really lack of aptitude, or just awful teachers? I had trouble with math in high school, mainly because the teachers didn't really know the subject and I am not the type to "never reason why, just invert and multiply". Went on to minor in Math, major in Physics.

My point being that if his math issue is fix-able, the Navy Nuclear program might be an attractive option, either enlisted with no college, maybe college later, maybe on the Canoe Club's nickel - or if he can get in the full ride scholarship to join the O Gang. I went through this program as a civilian, and while nothing's perfect, it's a good solid program, and if he learns his stuff, he can get a job at a nuclear power plant when he wants to leave the Nav.
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Old 12-07-2011, 10:03 PM
4,829 posts, read 4,805,492 times
Reputation: 6172
Leave him alone, he has to make HIS choices to (not) regret about. You don't do him a favor by pushing & "directing" his life & "success" (as you see it). Yup, it's a common thing for
"disappointed" parents (not only in USA) to dump their kids on the structured & tightly managed institution of army as a way to "reform" their kids. Army will "teach" them, army will ... will teach them what? To obey unconditionally, to function & succeed in highly structured environment, to live on schedule (of NOT their making)... But guess what? "Real" world is NOT Army, there is no Sargent, there is no schedule, there is no clear structure, there is no clearly defined mission and targets, there is no clear chain of command, promotions & rations.

50 percent: Rate at which veterans are more likely than other Americans to become homeless. The

About 75,000: Number of veterans who are homeless on any given night, according to estimates from the Veterans Administration.

Yes, many of those are homeless because of mental conditions and addictions, but at least an equal number is homeless because they were cast out from the highly structured Army environment into unstructured human Jungles. It's a bad idea to let army to mold & shape your son.
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