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Old 10-20-2013, 09:07 PM
 
2 posts, read 31,913 times
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So, a bit of background. I'm in the tail end of my application process. I'm going intel, I've done my OAR, had my interviews, and my application is looking pretty good. Fingers crossed and all that.

My issue is this. I live in San Diego, my wife goes to school there and I have two kids. There is no way that she can move for the next 3-4 years. If I get in, I know that life will become harder on her...but this is a life time dream of mine, its good for my career, and I'm not getting any younger.

What are the chances that I'll be stationed in San Diego? Is there anything I can do to increase those chances? It's only the first 3-4 years that matter to me. After that her degree is mobile enough that she can move with me if need be. But if I ended up in...DC or something like that, and neither of us could move for these years, then it'd wreck havoc on our relationship.

So, what are my chances of keeping the family together? Is there anything I can do to increase my chances? If I get stationed elsewhere, can I transfer? And finally...are there any bases near enough to San Diego that things could still work out?

Sorry for all the questions. It's just hard to sleep when I have a job on one hand that I truly want, but at the same time and worried about my family.
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Old 10-20-2013, 11:25 PM
 
Location: Florida
3,192 posts, read 4,232,952 times
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This is the life of the military and I'm sure you've been told. Military can send you anywhere and you'll go.

Have you spoken to your recruiter about requesting a specific station?
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Old 10-21-2013, 08:08 AM
 
Location: San Antonio
3,182 posts, read 9,221,015 times
Reputation: 4716
Navyapplicant,

I'm an Air Force recruiter, so I could be wrong, but I don't think the Navy can or will guarantee an assignment. Why couldn't your wife transfer schools? Is San Diego the only place that has her Major?

We, in the Air Force, have this option where you get your assignment in Tech School (Job training, not sure what the Navy calls it). They will absolutely NOT consider your wife's location. But, in the Air Force, you can trade assignments with people in your class if they agree. I don't know if the Navy does this, but it could be an option. Someone is bound to end up with an assignment to San Diego.
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Old 10-21-2013, 08:49 AM
 
12,626 posts, read 12,065,272 times
Reputation: 17267
Quote:
Originally Posted by navyapplicant View Post
So, a bit of background. I'm in the tail end of my application process. I'm going intel, I've done my OAR, had my interviews, and my application is looking pretty good. Fingers crossed and all that.
Congrats and hope you pass everything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by navyapplicant View Post
My issue is this. I live in San Diego, my wife goes to school there and I have two kids. There is no way that she can move for the next 3-4 years.
Beleive me, she can move; there is no physical barrier keeping her from moving. The only reason she does not move is because she does not want to, not because she "cannot".


Quote:
Originally Posted by navyapplicant View Post
What are the chances that I'll be stationed in San Diego?
Slim or good, it is like throwing a dart blindly. I know peoople who got stationed in their home town (well, close), and people shipped to the other side of the world, no predictability in it at all. Maybe different for officer, but I never heard of it being so.

Quote:
Originally Posted by navyapplicant View Post
Is there anything I can do to increase those chances?
For enlisted, no, but since you are officer, I have no idea. I never heard of something special for them though. I have a friend that is an officer, no special deal for him.


Quote:
Originally Posted by navyapplicant View Post
After that her degree is mobile enough that she can move with me if need be. But if I ended up in...DC or something like that, and neither of us could move for these years, then it'd wreck havoc on our relationship.
She can move now, nothing is stopping her. My wife went to three different universities followng me around before she finally graduated. I do not see why it would wreck havoc on your relationship, unless it is rocky to begin with. But this is more of a relationship issue, not a military one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by navyapplicant View Post
So, what are my chances of keeping the family together?
Chances are great, provided your wife moves with you, but that would require the thought of being together more important than going to a specific university.

Quote:
Originally Posted by navyapplicant View Post
Is there anything I can do to increase my chances?
I have no idea about officers. The officers I know did not have any choices, but that is a small sampling and not intel.

Quote:
Originally Posted by navyapplicant View Post
If I get stationed elsewhere, can I transfer?
After your tour, yes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by navyapplicant View Post
And finally...are there any bases near enough to San Diego that things could still work out?
Is this a serious question? SD has a few bases. You also could get sea duty, just threw that in there because it seems you are thinking shore duty a lot.
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Old 10-21-2013, 09:04 AM
 
Location: Illinois
3,168 posts, read 4,153,023 times
Reputation: 5580
Your wife should move with you upon finishing out this semester. JMHO
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Old 10-21-2013, 09:05 AM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,163 posts, read 16,510,896 times
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The chances of you being assigned to San Diego and staying there for 3-4 years is nil. My son was enlisted in the Navy and stationed in San Diego after his training, but he did a couple tours on an aircraft carrier too. During his 4-year enlistment he probably spent 18 months in San Diego.

The Air Force is a little better than the Navy for families, but almost nobody stays stateside for the duration of their enlistment. I was in USAF intel and was lucky in being assigned to Anchorage, AK for my "overseas" tour, so my wife was able to join me. Had I been assigned to one of the bases on the Aleutian chain, she could not have come with me. FWIW, I had volunteered for Hawaii.

You need to have a discussion with your wife and decide if this is what's best for the family. You should assume that you'll not be in San Diego for much of the first 4 years and that, only if you're very lucky, you might be there for 18-24 months of it. Once you sign up, your butt belongs to the Navy.
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Old 10-21-2013, 10:22 AM
 
Location: New Mexico U.S.A.
24,129 posts, read 38,859,608 times
Reputation: 28092
Quote:
Originally Posted by navyapplicant View Post
So, what are my chances of keeping the family together?
Very good. You get assigned somewhere. You bring the family unless you get an unaccompanied assignment, then that is bad.

Intentionally splitting up a family for 3-4 years, could be disastrous...
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Old 10-21-2013, 11:59 AM
 
595 posts, read 2,031,579 times
Reputation: 1206
Quote:
Originally Posted by navyapplicant View Post
So, a bit of background. I'm in the tail end of my application process. I'm going intel, I've done my OAR, had my interviews, and my application is looking pretty good. Fingers crossed and all that.

My issue is this. I live in San Diego, my wife goes to school there and I have two kids. There is no way that she can move for the next 3-4 years. If I get in, I know that life will become harder on her...but this is a life time dream of mine, its good for my career, and I'm not getting any younger.

What are the chances that I'll be stationed in San Diego? Is there anything I can do to increase those chances? It's only the first 3-4 years that matter to me. After that her degree is mobile enough that she can move with me if need be. But if I ended up in...DC or something like that, and neither of us could move for these years, then it'd wreck havoc on our relationship.

So, what are my chances of keeping the family together? Is there anything I can do to increase my chances? If I get stationed elsewhere, can I transfer? And finally...are there any bases near enough to San Diego that things could still work out?

Sorry for all the questions. It's just hard to sleep when I have a job on one hand that I truly want, but at the same time and worried about my family.

Is your wife on board with this? It sounds like you really need to sit down and discuss this life change with her. Joining the military, officer or enlisted, is literally signing over your life to the US Government. From that point forward you (generally) will have little say in where you go. Yes there are exceptions but there is no guarantee even if they give you a choice. Especially your first base after training. You can certainly try to get San Diego but what if you don't? What then? You've signed a contract and need to fulfill it, can't just up and quit at that point.

I feel like you and she need to be on board with this together, if she isn't involved with this decision and doesn't want to move, then perhaps joining the military is not the best decision, dream job or not.

I also agree with the others who've mentioned she can move if she chooses to. However, what program is she in at school? I was in my senior year of Dental Hygiene school when we got orders. My husband and kids moved to the next base and I stayed behind to finish because I couldn't transfer at that point without starting from the beginning. But that was only one year and it sucked. I couldn't imagine 3-4 years being separated just to finish school. I hope you and she can come to an understanding that works for both of you!
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Old 10-21-2013, 12:21 PM
 
10,380 posts, read 7,467,722 times
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When I saw the title of this thread I thought "no need to worry! You'll be shipboard no matter what!" But that's not necessarily true. I'd really NOT make this an issue if I were you because there might be a red flag that goes up somewhere and they'll decide you're too much trouble. You pretty much take it or leave it. You could very well get unaccompanied orders. I was an instructor for Navy and Marine students in their A school. (I was a jarhead, then went Air-Guard) I had one young lady (Navy student) get orders to the Antartica! She walked around in a daze for a day or two. This is an adventure! You just never know!
You're going into a great field. You could end up anywhere. But don't worry about it PLEASE. Focus on your training and the closer to number 1 in your class, the better assignment you're liable to get.
When I started reading your original post I thought if she can't go anywhere, then maybe try to spend your early Navy years shipboard to get that time over with. I'm not sure if that's possible. Good luck!
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Old 10-21-2013, 01:36 PM
 
4,159 posts, read 4,192,017 times
Reputation: 2196
It always depends on the needs of the Navy. If you are surface line officer there still are a lot of ships there so that is a plus. If you have to move just leave the wife behind and make the best of it. She will have to hire a baby sitter and pay for after care etc...but time goes fast. You will like the Navy so good luck!
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