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Old 04-19-2014, 08:07 AM
 
Location: 5 Miles to the Beach
1,403 posts, read 1,976,522 times
Reputation: 481

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So, I'm a mil spouse and I'm definitely not saying ALL spouses are like this but I have seen my fair share of those who think they are entitled to way too much because they are married to a service member.

For instance, they want discounts at numerous stores, they get mad if the MP doesn't salute them (officer wives), but mostly, it's just places that won't hand them out a deal because THEY aren't the service member.

What do you think of this? Personally, wives should be grateful if anywhere gives them a discount. They HAVE NOT served. I don't see many places offering police/firemen wives discounts.

 
Old 04-19-2014, 09:10 AM
 
10,868 posts, read 41,128,193 times
Reputation: 14009
I've run into military spouses who cling to their SO's rank even in retirement.

It's pretty comical, with their attitude of entitlement to be treated with the deference and respect they envision that their spouses were accorded by all subordinates when on active duty, but they're still civilians and never were on active duty.

The worst of it is when they order you to do things for them at your sole expense for their sole benefit, and when you don't perform as expected, they fabricate laws or customs which in their mind are true and order you to comply. When you don't do so, they get belligerent because you won't give them their way.

I've watched them do so with everybody from their local rural route postal delivery worker to contractors providing services. The fun part is when the contractor decides that they've "had enough" and decline to provide services, inviting the folk to secure the work they need from others. When it turns out that they cannot obtain such services due to limited supply in the area or that the word is out that these are difficult people to work for and please, they still don't change their attitude of entitlement.

As I have related on other C-D threads, I've had these types of problems even with an active duty senior NCO who repeatedly and blatantly tresspassed upon my property and used it for their side business income without so much as a courteous "may I enter your land to run dog training clinics for my paying customers?" request. The fellow backed up his entitlement attitude with aggravated assaults upon me which I was able to peacefully keep my distance. Thankfully, his 1st Sgt investigated my complaint and the wheels were set in motion for the fellow to have a transfer to a remote duty station for the balance of his career.

IMO, gotta' be a miserable way for them to go through life, but they are oblivious experts in doing so.

I wonder if there's a culture in some areas of military service which fosters this attitude?
 
Old 04-19-2014, 09:45 AM
 
Location: 5 Miles to the Beach
1,403 posts, read 1,976,522 times
Reputation: 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunsprit View Post
I've run into military spouses who cling to their SO's rank even in retirement.

It's pretty comical, with their attitude of entitlement to be treated with the deference and respect they envision that their spouses were accorded by all subordinates when on active duty, but they're still civilians and never were on active duty.

The worst of it is when they order you to do things for them at your sole expense for their sole benefit, and when you don't perform as expected, they fabricate laws or customs which in their mind are true and order you to comply. When you don't do so, they get belligerent because you won't give them their way.

I've watched them do so with everybody from their local rural route postal delivery worker to contractors providing services. The fun part is when the contractor decides that they've "had enough" and decline to provide services, inviting the folk to secure the work they need from others. When it turns out that they cannot obtain such services due to limited supply in the area or that the word is out that these are difficult people to work for and please, they still don't change their attitude of entitlement.

As I have related on other C-D threads, I've had these types of problems even with an active duty senior NCO who repeatedly and blatantly tresspassed upon my property and used it for their side business income without so much as a courteous "may I enter your land to run dog training clinics for my paying customers?" request. The fellow backed up his entitlement attitude with aggravated assaults upon me which I was able to peacefully keep my distance. Thankfully, his 1st Sgt investigated my complaint and the wheels were set in motion for the fellow to have a transfer to a remote duty station for the balance of his career.

IMO, gotta' be a miserable way for them to go through life, but they are oblivious experts in doing so.

I wonder if there's a culture in some areas of military service which fosters this attitude?


That would be interesting to know.
 
Old 04-19-2014, 11:24 AM
 
Location: New Mexico U.S.A.
24,129 posts, read 38,859,608 times
Reputation: 28092
Quote:
Originally Posted by PAinSC View Post

That would be interesting to know.
Why? Seems like your bashing an unknown number of Wives of Military members... You going to bash retired members wives also? That would be my wife.

Then we going to berate their screaming unruly children?

This is not a gossip forum. Just my opinion...

Last edited by Poncho_NM; 04-20-2014 at 08:58 AM..
 
Old 04-19-2014, 11:32 AM
Status: "Rocktober...well that was fast. :-(" (set 18 days ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg, VA
10,285 posts, read 10,442,913 times
Reputation: 13239
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poncho_NM View Post
Why? Seems like your bashing an unknown number of Wives of Military members... You going to bash retired members wives also? That would be my wife.

Then we going to berate their screaming unruly children?

This is not a gossip forum. Just my opinion...
I disagree. The question was if there was a "a culture in military service which fosters this [entitlement minded] attitude." Wanting to consider this possibility is hardly gossip and it is not bashing of military wives. I don't see any claim that "all" military wives fit the description of those in the initial post. It doesn't even say "most." In fact, there is no attempt to quantify the number of military spouses who fit this description. Rather it is an acknowledgement that SOME do fit this description and a discussion specifically about those spouses. It also appears to be an effort to explore factors that lead to this mentality. It seems to me like a logical progression of a valid discussion.
 
Old 04-19-2014, 11:47 AM
 
Location: Hard aground in the Sonoran Desert
4,549 posts, read 8,001,354 times
Reputation: 6273
Have them read this...




Source: http://assets.mediaspanonline.com/pr...1152009A28.pdf
 
Old 04-19-2014, 01:37 PM
 
Location: 5 Miles to the Beach
1,403 posts, read 1,976,522 times
Reputation: 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poncho_NM View Post
Why? Seems like your bashing an unknown number of Wives of Military members... You going to bash retired members wives also? That would be my wife.

Then we going to berate their screaming unruly children?

This is not a gossip forum. Just my opinion...
Where in the world did you get this impression of my post?! I was asking a question of what people thought when wives demand certain things.

My question was very clear. I said not ALL wives are like this but there are SOME. And I never brought up children so.........
 
Old 04-19-2014, 01:42 PM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
32,105 posts, read 39,155,933 times
Reputation: 40510
Well I asked the Admiral's wife about it. She agrees.

That was one thing that drove Mrs. NBP nuts, having to kowtow to the higher ranking wives. Even after 30 years she still mentions it occasionally. Usually when she's referred to as "wife of North Beach Person" as some event where it doesn't matter.
 
Old 04-19-2014, 01:55 PM
 
10,868 posts, read 41,128,193 times
Reputation: 14009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poncho_NM View Post
Why? Seems like your bashing an unknown number of Wives of Military members... You going to bash retired members wives also? That would be my wife.

Then we going to berate their screaming unruly children?

This is not a gossip forum. Just my opinion...
No disrespect intended to you or your spouse, and certainly no intent to "bash" anybody that I don't know.

However, I have very specific examples of the entitlement attitude which I have been subjected to for well over 60 years.

You see, I grew up in San Diego ... out on Point Loma. 90+ % of my childhood friends were the sons/daughters of active duty and retired military, mostly Navy. I've grown up closely with families of CPO's and all the way through the highest officer ranks (our next door neighbor for years was an Admiral, who retired when I was in High School ... but what a prick, full time).

I recall having a real run-in with him one day (I was about 14 years old then) when I saw a guy trying to walk off with my ping-pong table; it was out of our garage because I was refinishing my Lightning sailboat and I needed the space. I'd set the table on the side of our house, on our property, and behind a property fence. Only the Admiral didn't think it appropriate for it to be there for those weeks, so he "gave" it to one of his CPO's. I got the but*-chewing of my life at that point for having created an eyesore for the Admiral, who, by golly, was going to get it out of his view when he drove down the street to enter his driveway. The concept that it wasn't on his property nor his to give away to others didn't begin to cross his brainwaves, he knew that it was an eyesore and it was going to be removed by his order! Similarly, his wife was forever harrasing my folks about the "unkempt" iceplant ground cover on the hillside at the back of our property; at the time, iceplant was a standard low maintenance ground cover plant and it was not something that you manicured like a lawn. My folks used to just shrug her off, but I was the one who caught hell if I didn't go into our backyard and trim up the cover now and then. It was only visible from our backyard and that neighbor's back patio area.

While I didn't understand then the attitude of "clinging to one's rank", I was exposed to it frequently by many of my friend's parents who ran their ship ... er, household ... like they were still in COMMAND. I watched many O-5's (and up) act like meals at home were being served by officer's mess staffers, and we as children were subjected to the same standards as an incoming midshipman at the Academy. As I grew up, I realized that we weren't midshipman and weren't adult in young years (even before age 12) enough to be held to such a standard. Yet the wives, who otherwise allowed us to be kids ... put on a whole different attitude when their command spouses were at home. I watched the younger siblings of my friends get treated to such performances, and it wasn't fun for them or us older kids.

I can recall numerous times when I got disciplined by a good friends' Commandant (O-6) ... er, Dad. Little things like getting a nasty heavy handed lecture on the correct terminology when discussing such things as a boat (er, SHIP) propulsion system. I can assure you that the manner of dialogue and instruction wasn't friendly, nor targeted to address my questions asked in good faith about the outboard or aux inboard engines on our craft which were causing us some difficulties and anxious moments while fishing or sailing. I learned over time that I'd do better to be gone when the man was around, even though his sons and I spent many hundreds, if not thousands of hours on our boats. The crowning glory for this fellow was one day he asked after his retirement, knowing that he was coming to work at General Dynamics in a department where he'd likely be under my Dad's managment/engineering, what my Dad did there. My Dad had essentially created his own system safety engineering approach and was highly regarded in the aerospace industry; I responded to the inquiry with a few words in the most general of terms that I had heard my Dad describe what he did as a professional. The response of the fellow to that, instead of a general pleasantry, was to verbally assault my Dad as being "full of shi*" and his work "was a bill of goods". Nothing I said would have justified such a response to me, let alone to my Dad ... who was the executive with the "red badge" at the place of work. As best I could tell (in later years), the guy was struggling with having to perform for his inferiors to now earn his living. I do recall that G-D referred him back to the Navy for post-retirement training on how to conform to civilian life. The guy didn't last long at the job, and another department head refused to let him transfer into his department, so he moved on to Rohr. I got treated like dirt at their house around that time, as if I was responsible for the guy's problems at work ... even though one of their sons and I were traveling together to regatta's. My folks were always gracious to their kids, and I know that they picked up the tab down at SWYC and other clubs for them through the years ... even when I left the area for school, my Dad always invited those boys to join him or to go get a meal when they were at the club for the day and sign it to his member account. But the parents snubbed my folks every opportunity that presented. The biggest laugh was that the fellow had never come to work for my Dad, he'd tangled with other folk before reaching that department.


Yet at the same time, many more households were some of the most patient, accomodating, friendly, welcoming, hospitable people I've ever known. It's pretty telling that many of these wonderful folk were as good a friend to me through the years as were their children, and in some cases, those genuine friendships have lasted for many years since we were kids. In some cases, my childhood friends have passed on yet their parents and I still get together. The difference couldn't be more dramatic between these folks and the ones who held the entitlement attitudes and treated everybody else who held a junior rank to them as decidely inferior people.

Hence, my question of the prior post. What or where is it that fosters and accepts such disregard for others?

Last edited by sunsprit; 04-19-2014 at 02:13 PM..
 
Old 04-19-2014, 02:21 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,690,207 times
Reputation: 22158
It's hardly unique to the military --- lot of wives think they get social status from their husbands' jobs.

Even in high school, you see the girls who date jocks believing they are better than others if their jock is one of the school's stars.
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