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Old 12-27-2017, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
26,815 posts, read 17,234,614 times
Reputation: 38940

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Quote:
Originally Posted by coschristi View Post
The bolded. That is very important because we don't get do-overs in life. What you can do in the decade between the ages of 41-51 will be much different than what can be done between 61-71.
I hope they can learn to be happy now. The bitter and resentment once she is free, is harming only herself, and probably leave her 70s as a time she is sad, because she spent her 60s on resentment. Break the cycle now.
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Old 12-27-2017, 11:25 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,309 posts, read 15,610,852 times
Reputation: 38258
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
What stands out to me is..... lack of teamwork. He tells you pick from two states, he tells you get a job in the city, and then tells you no, we are living in a different town, quit your job....

Usually these types of decisions are discussed in advance by both parties and decided on jointly. Sure, if a job can ONLY be found in one location that makes it different, but doesn't sound like the case here.

I guess I do not understand the marriage dynamic.
Yes, it certainly does not appear that your marriage is a partnership.
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Old 12-27-2017, 12:58 PM
 
Location: Dayton, OH
480 posts, read 183,306 times
Reputation: 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by newcomputer View Post
I lived for 20 years, twenty PRIME years from 40-60, with my husband in a town I hated more every year. I tried the first few years because I thought it was something that could be fixed. It couldn't be fixed.


It contributed to the ruin of my health and my feelings for my husband. He died when I was 60. I was and still am sometimes very bitter.
Sometimes living on one's own, be it divorced, widowed or whatever, is a glass half full.

I have been divorced for 10 years, and while it has been a financial challenge to raise two boys on my own, I really like not having to answer to anyone else.

OP, I hope your situation works out in a way that is best for you.
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Old 12-27-2017, 01:21 PM
 
Location: 49th parallel
2,047 posts, read 1,010,307 times
Reputation: 4183
Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyGamer42 View Post
Once again, I had to quit the job I had got in the big city (which I enjoyed) and move again.
Dear Lady Gamer, I do feel sorry for your situation, but I am wondering if you have not got yourself into a situation where nothing is going to be right for you now. Reason I am saying this is the quote above, where you say you enjoyed this past job in the city. But your hobbies are hunting, fishing, riding, outdoorsey stuff. Could you do those things in this last "big city" with the job that you say you enjoyed? If not, but you were still happy, maybe something else is the problem.

Far from son? I realize maybe it's not as good as when you were in the "big city," but 2 hours is nothing. Leave on Friday night and spend Saturday. Come back Sunday for a nice day outside somewhere with your husband. We used to drive 5 hours every Friday night and the same on Sunday night every weekend. It is do-able, if you really want to.

I reckon your hubby has been a little too dogmatic about where he wants to live, but does he have form? (By that I mean, did you allow him to do this all through your marriage and now it's a way of life?)

Just a few thoughts, and please forgive me if I've got the wrong end of the stick.
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Old 12-27-2017, 01:34 PM
 
Location: Hard aground in the Sonoran Desert
4,534 posts, read 7,890,860 times
Reputation: 6233
Don't really know what this thread has to do with the military at this point but I'll throw in my two cents.

My wife and I moved all over the country and world over three decades in the military and we always made the best of every situation and place we were sent. Many of our friends did not and were miserable in the same places that we enjoyed and thrived in.

If you're not where you want to be now, work hard on changing your situation. That may involve working for a while to save some money to move. Use the time to figure out where you really want to be and work to make it happen.

Good luck and you'll have a better chance of happiness if you find the best in whatever situation you're in and work to improve your situation if there are things missing.
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Old 12-27-2017, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas, NV.
673 posts, read 229,727 times
Reputation: 729
You are not wrong. I too, only know Military men and they get really rigid as time goes on to say the least. He isn't going to get kinder. He doesn't respect your viewpoint because he was pushed around and treated like a dog by his Military peers his whole life and he seems to take it out on you. You two, do need counseling if you can afford (some are free - find reviews - free is usually not good) that brings in clarity. An outsider will really help. We can't tell you on a board to leave him. That would be wrong of us. Somebody who sees you two in person and smells the chemistry can help you.
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Old 12-27-2017, 07:00 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas, NV.
673 posts, read 229,727 times
Reputation: 729
Default reply

Quote:
Originally Posted by newcomputer View Post
I lived for 20 years, twenty PRIME years from 40-60, with my husband in a town I hated more every year. I tried the first few years because I thought it was something that could be fixed. It couldn't be fixed.


It contributed to the ruin of my health and my feelings for my husband. He died when I was 60. I was and still am sometimes very bitter.
I'm so sorry.
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Old 12-27-2017, 07:18 PM
 
10,203 posts, read 7,294,120 times
Reputation: 17881
When you come on city-data and discuss moving and refuse to name the city.... you might be afraid of learning something positive about your new home. Your mind seems made up.
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Old 12-27-2017, 07:49 PM
 
12,399 posts, read 11,885,042 times
Reputation: 16934
No advice, but, my experience I learned, then learned again is; life is too short to live somewhere you do not want to live. Money is money, but I would, and did, take a pay cut to live somewhere I like.
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Old 12-27-2017, 08:34 PM
 
5,221 posts, read 3,233,146 times
Reputation: 19697
Quote:
Originally Posted by hunterseat View Post
When you come on city-data and discuss moving and refuse to name the city.... you might be afraid of learning something positive about your new home. Your mind seems made up.
I think it's possible the OP didn't want the thread derailed by people exclaiming, "Oh, you don't like Pleasantville? It's a WONDERFUL town! What's not to like? You're just not TRYING hard enough!"

...when the point of the thread is not the location but her DH's disregard for how his unilateral decisions affect her career and happiness.
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