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Old 10-01-2018, 09:13 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,817 posts, read 39,334,463 times
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If you are planning on building a long-term relationship with someone in the military, you will need to at least be willing to cultivate a "village" of your own wherever you go. You can't count on your spouse to be your ever - present everything, because there will be many times when the military's needs come first and foremost, and you'll be in a bad way if you haven't built an additional support network.

Also, as noted, don't marry young.
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Old 10-01-2018, 09:19 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,817 posts, read 39,334,463 times
Reputation: 48613
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I’m the mother of soldiers. The military is hard on marriages. Younger soldiers frequently marry the high school sweetheart. The girls are lured by a chance to feel grown up, and the young soldier’s regular paycheck and benefits. I’ve seen it happen so many times. Once the wives find themselves living on some barren Army base with the husband gone for a year, with no friends or support system, they find out it’s not what they expected. They either find romance with someone else, or run home to mommy.

The smart ones either marry other soldiers who understand the challenges, or wait until the women they marry are well established in their own careers, so they have a career to occupy them while their husband is gone.
And, additionally, many servicemembers are tempted to stray while away, as well. The party line is always that its the spouse left at home getting up to no good with the Jodies... but I've seen many a family torn apart when the faithful spouse who has been holding things down on the home front gets blindsided by the servicemember breaking it to them that they've been involved with a colleague, etc.
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Old 10-01-2018, 10:05 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,385 posts, read 18,420,530 times
Reputation: 12142
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stefani4305 View Post
Hi I'm Stefani and I'm new to this whole military thing. My boyfriend left for boot camp about 2 weeks ago and I'm really struggling. It has been extremely hard for me and I need help getting through this. My boyfriend is my best friend who helps me through everything and without him here I've lost that support system. I don't really have anyone to lean on so without him here it is very difficult to make it through the day without shedding a tear. I know the best way to get through it is to stay busy but it's difficult for me since my job refuses to give me more hours. What is the best way I can get through this?
Maybe you can join a support group.

Remember that boot camp does not last forever, so you have something to look forward to (his graduation).

Best of luck!
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Old 10-01-2018, 10:16 PM
 
Location: Hawaii/Alabama
1,595 posts, read 2,967,085 times
Reputation: 3983
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
And, additionally, many servicemembers are tempted to stray while away, as well. The party line is always that its the spouse left at home getting up to no good with the Jodies... but I've seen many a family torn apart when the faithful spouse who has been holding things down on the home front gets blindsided by the servicemember breaking it to them that they've been involved with a colleague, etc.
Absolutely! I was a soldier (medically retired), met my DH in Basic and were an Army family for 23 years. Our two sons served (one is still AD).

We have friends from Basic all the way through retirement (at this point some friends over 3 decades). Most are are 2nd or 3rd marriages, with one friend on his FIFTH marriage.

Both SMs and spouses have been known to cheat and to want out of marriages. The life of a military family is a hard and lonely one. The spouse (or gf/bf) needs to learn how to take care of themselves as soon as possible.

OP-
I agree with the advice from many of the posters. Find ways to occupy yourself/jobs/friends/school, etc. Right now your bf is trying to focus on training and finding his feet in the military. This process is extremely difficult and important and you do not want to be "that" girl that distracts him or causes him to fail in order to "save" you.

You can do this! I wish you the best of luck.
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Old 10-02-2018, 05:35 AM
 
1,687 posts, read 2,778,698 times
Reputation: 1731
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stefani4305 View Post
Hi I'm Stefani and I'm new to this whole military thing. My boyfriend left for boot camp about 2 weeks ago and I'm really struggling. It has been extremely hard for me and I need help getting through this. My boyfriend is my best friend who helps me through everything and without him here I've lost that support system. I don't really have anyone to lean on so without him here it is very difficult to make it through the day without shedding a tear. I know the best way to get through it is to stay busy but it's difficult for me since my job refuses to give me more hours. What is the best way I can get through this?
You need to watch the movie "Rocky." At least the first 2 or 3 of them. In one of them, Rocky was trying to train hard for a fight coming up, but couldn't get his head into the training because his wife Adrian didn't want him fighting anymore. Without proper training, Rocky was bound to get hurt very bad, and without the full support and confidence of his wife, he was lost.

Eventually, Adrian realized that he was going to get hurt, and got behind him and told him to "Just win." Of course, then he started training hard, and went on to win the brutal fight, all because of the support of the woman who loved him. This is metaphorical of most men in real life and their struggles.

You are Adrian. Step up, get behind him and support him fully, or you will lose him. It's that simple.
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Old 10-02-2018, 05:43 AM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
32,104 posts, read 39,155,933 times
Reputation: 40510
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poncho_NM View Post
There are times when there is a difference between a boyfriend and a spouse...

Stefani4305, Here is one of many sites discussing Boot Camp: https://www.todaysmilitary.com/training/boot-camp

Depending on where he is at and where you are at, you might be able to meet him at the end of his Basic Training. Upon completion of Basic Training he might have a short break and then normally continues on to additional training of various lengths which may be at the same location, or at another military facility which could almost be anywhere in the US...

Writing to him on occasion may alleviate some worry's. There also may be times that he might be able to write to you and call you on the phone.
But please, please don't load your problems, whatever, on him. He has so many things he has to become proficient at that anything you give him will be an added burden and distraction.
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Old 10-02-2018, 07:43 AM
 
Location: New Mexico U.S.A.
24,129 posts, read 38,859,608 times
Reputation: 28092
Quote:
Originally Posted by North Beach Person View Post
But please, please don't load your problems, whatever, on him. He has so many things he has to become proficient at that anything you give him will be an added burden and distraction.
Agreed...

Military Basic training can be a difficult situation for anyone.
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Old 10-02-2018, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
8,139 posts, read 7,463,231 times
Reputation: 17039
Get a second job and save some money.
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Old 10-02-2018, 04:53 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,530 posts, read 42,694,765 times
Reputation: 57174
Just as everyone has said, young marriages are not easy under the best of circumstances. A military marriage is the worst of circumstances.
Do not marry a soldier until you are educated, self actualized, committed, and are the kind of person who can easily adapt to new circumstances.
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