Only in the military (Army, Air Force, Marine, training)

[Zig'sbird]

Much like the other thread about funny sayings, let's also share funny incidents or just SOP that you would only find in the military.

I have two

Last time I was deployed, we would occasionally have some mandatory classes that we would have to attend. This one time, it was 2 different classes back to back. The first class was over OPSEC - Operational Security. The class basics was on how to give pointers to the enemy and keeping information to yourself. The instructor decided since this class is the same thing we get all of the time, he would spice it up and make it more real for the soldiers.

So, what did he do? He gave an hour class on how to properly cheat on your spouse. He went into great detail about how to hide your trail. Right afterwards, he then said, now replace your spouse with the enemy and now you can understand how OPSEC works. You have to protect every little action so you don't tip off your enemy.

Thus ended the first class.

Second class - Army Ethics

[Crew Chief]

Back some months ago, the Air Force Times ran a list of "The Top 100 Reasons it's Great to be in the Air Force". One of my favorites, contributed by an KC-135 Inflight Refueling Specialist or Boom Operator: "Three officers drive me to work and when we get there, I lie down and pass gas"!

[sunrico90]

Lets keep this thread alive and going... I got to think hard about my experiences, but I'll Be Back

[ESFP]

When approaching a group of Mexican fishing boats grouped together, my CO ask if I knew Spanish. I said "No", but I'd see if they looked like they needed our help. We went to the bow, he leaned over with a megaphone and ask, "Do you-o need-o any assistance-o?" I told him if he did that again I'd throw him over the side.

[121804]

Not necessarily "funny", but at Fort Hood, TX, it is a free range for cows. Great for the cows. Tough when you are running a range. When the cows come into the perimeter (which they do b/c it's their grazing land), you have to shut down the range, call range control, wait for range control to come out & clear the perimeter, call range control to get permission to start firing downrange again, and then get soldiers back on the line.

My first week at Hood I was given a .50cal range to run. Had no clue about the cows. All of a sudden see about 4 cows to the right of the range heading directly towards the range. .50cal is not intended to use at close range nor was I aware soldiers knew that they had ton stop firing (some did not) nor was I intending on shooting cows, so I almost had a heart attack.

This happened 3 times throughout the course of the range. Needless to say a range that was scheduled for 4 hours ended up taking 8 1/2

It happened to me numerous times over the course of 4 years...

[Mike in TN]

I guess only in the military can you be fired for being overweight.

[gumbo31]

In basic training we were standing in Open ranks formation for an inspection. I think we were supposed to have our feet 12 inches apart in Parade rest position or something like that... I'm not sure.

The TI says, "Airman Smith, do you know what 12 inches is." , Airman Smith responded "Yes sir," ... The T.I responded , "Well that's not 12 inches, how about I whip out my d-i-c-k and show you what 12 inches is."

[Crew Chief]

Although I was in the USAF, I was able to work extensively with air and ground crews in the other services. Many of my favorite "war stories" involve my Marine brothers & sisters. I'll tell a couple here:

The USAF probably goes by the book too much compared to our comrades in the sea services. As a newly-arrived E-4 at Kwang ju Air Base, Korea, I helped service two Marine F-4s. While inspecting the underside of the plane, I noted a very small hydraulic leak. When I reported it to the aircrew, the pilot said "You know what that means, Chief?" When I told him that I didn't, he responded; "That means there's still fluid in the system!"

Another flight of F-4s stopped for a "gas n' go". They had stopped at Osan before coming to us. While at Osan, they did some shopping. When we strapped the back seater into the aircraft, he put a large clock across his lap... We were on pins and needles until we heard that they'd landed safely at Iwakuni, Japan. Ejecting from the aircraft with that clock on his lap sure would've been painful...

[Steel Man]

[quote=Crew Chief;4793774]Although I was in the USAF, I was able to work extensively with air and ground crews in the other services. Many of my favorite "war stories" involve my Marine brothers & sisters. I'll tell a couple here:

The USAF probably goes by the book too much compared to our comrades in the sea services. As a newly-arrived E-4 at Kwang ju Air Base, Korea, I helped service two Marine F-4s. While inspecting the underside of the plane, I noted a very small hydraulic leak. When I reported it to the aircrew, the pilot said "You know what that means, Chief?" When I told him that I didn't, he responded; "That means there's still fluid in the system!"

Another flight of F-4s stopped for a "gas n' go". They had stopped at Osan before coming to us. While at Osan, they did some shopping. When we strapped the back seater into the aircraft, he put a large clock across his lap... We were on pins and needles until we heard that they'd landed safely at Iwakuni, Japan. Ejecting from the aircraft with that clock on his lap sure would've been painful...[/QUOTE]

At least he would know when his time was up!

[Crew Chief]

Dang it, Steel Man, I can't give you rep points so soon; that was AT LEAST a 10-rep pointer! Thanks!