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Old 02-10-2009, 04:04 AM
 
Location: Cartersville, Georgia
285 posts, read 926,167 times
Reputation: 233

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Quote:
Originally Posted by blue_eyedgirl View Post
I have a close family member that has joined up and been serving for over a year now. We used to be very close but his personality has changed drastically since enlisting and he seems to slowly be pulling away from family and friends. Is this normal? Should I just give him his space or should I try to keep in contact and keep the lines of communication going? For those of you that have served or are currently serving was this your experience when you first joined up? He got to come home for a break recently and it was like being around a completely different person. The gentle fun loving person is now angry and quiet. I want to be there and offer support but not really sure what to do next.
You have gotten a lot of good advice from everyone so far who have responded with their experiences that they have. I to had gone through the same things that everyone has written as well of your experiences as of so far.

I got some help from what everyone has written to you, what I am dealing is with and what they went through in reference to dealing with people who think they know and understand us veterans but have never been a member, thank you everyone.

Never stop communicating with him. Letters, cards and care packages mean so much just knowing that family is there for them.
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Old 02-10-2009, 08:10 AM
 
Location: following the wind of change
2,278 posts, read 3,916,115 times
Reputation: 4383
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zig'sbird View Post
Blue eyed girl,
One thing I have found to be a universal truth with any service is that you ask a soldier/service member what they think, they will tell you outright. They will not beat around the bush or hint at the answer. They will be blunt to the point of rudeness.
Hell to the yes! Don't I know it....lol.

Blue-eyed, to add to other posts, a friend of mine told me that in order to make it easier for him to cope with being away from home, he consciously distanced himself from the familiar so it won't be too painful when he has to leave. I don't know if this is your brother's first time away from home, but it was for my buddy and he said that was his initial reaction but overtime he loosened up a little. Who knows it might be the same for your brother--it might not be anything personal but sort of like a coping mechanism for him. Also, who knows what he witnessed w/ his professional and personal experiences...some of us run into not-so-savory people in the professional side or heavy experiences in it. But you're good to care for him and just keep giving him the support...he probably needs it more than he lets on and he'll appreciate it.
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Old 02-10-2009, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Orlando
8,176 posts, read 18,505,998 times
Reputation: 49864
I wish I would have been able to read a thread like this when my son went to bootcamp. It would have helped me help him alot.

He went thru the same things that the OP described. When he came home we would always try to get the family together just to make sure everyone got to visit. It would always turn out that he would sit by himself or with one of us while the others visited with each other.

They just didn't have anything in common anymore. He finally asked after the last one that I didn't do that anymore. While I thought I was doing him a favor, I was actually making him miserable. I'm glad he finally told me.

Now we let people know he's coming and if they want to arrange to see him, its up the them.

Please continue to write and keep him up to date on what's going on with you. This means more than he probably says right now.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:12 AM
 
756 posts, read 2,215,874 times
Reputation: 635
Quote:
Originally Posted by blue_eyedgirl View Post
I have a close family member that has joined up and been serving for over a year now. We used to be very close but his personality has changed drastically since enlisting and he seems to slowly be pulling away from family and friends. Is this normal? Should I just give him his space or should I try to keep in contact and keep the lines of communication going? For those of you that have served or are currently serving was this your experience when you first joined up? He got to come home for a break recently and it was like being around a completely different person. The gentle fun loving person is now angry and quiet. I want to be there and offer support but not really sure what to do next.
People grow and change, that is a good thing. Listen to him, talk to him, email, call, write him. Keep at it - he will come around. He is still the same person, he is just working through maturing and new emotions. His behavior sounds like he may have just returned from his first deployment? Or getting ready to go?

Deployments to other countries, especially the Middle East are eye openers for many. Its hard to come back where we have it so good, and listen to people complain how bad they think they have it here. He may be worried about his comrades in harms way.

Talk to him and see what he is angry about. Fear sometimes masks itself as anger. Let him know you care and ask him what he needs.
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Old 02-11-2009, 12:47 PM
 
443 posts, read 2,131,771 times
Reputation: 208
Quote:
Originally Posted by blue_eyedgirl View Post
I have a close family member that has joined up and been serving for over a year now. We used to be very close but his personality has changed drastically since enlisting and he seems to slowly be pulling away from family and friends. Is this normal? Should I just give him his space or should I try to keep in contact and keep the lines of communication going? For those of you that have served or are currently serving was this your experience when you first joined up? He got to come home for a break recently and it was like being around a completely different person. The gentle fun loving person is now angry and quiet. I want to be there and offer support but not really sure what to do next.
have them get skype....all you need is a camera for your computer and it's free...It seems way more personal seeing who you are talking to!! It's a really great tool!!!!!
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