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If you're not sure where the extra money came from on the LES, put it in savings! DFAS can mess up from time to time but they're quick at taking the over payment back in one lump sum. It can throw you for a loop.
I like going to the commissary on payday because it is like entering another dimension or the twilight zone! You can learn a lot about human nature then and there!
One question I do have, and I've never asked my family. If we do have to PCS, how much say does he REALLY have in the new duty station?
I like going to the commissary on payday because it is like entering another dimension or the twilight zone! You can learn a lot about human nature then and there!
One question I do have, and I've never asked my family. If we do have to PCS, how much say does he REALLY have in the new duty station?
I guess the "main" purpose of going to the commissary on payday is to people watch.
I'm not sure how the Army works on assignments, but the Air Force allows you to put in an assignment "dream sheet" (it might be called something different these days) that lists the assignments you want in priority order. They'll consider it but nothing is guaranteed except they'll get what they need. On the other hand, you can choose to accompany/not accompany your husband on the assignment.
One question I do have, and I've never asked my family. If we do have to PCS, how much say does he REALLY have in the new duty station?
Like Steel Man says, not sure of the difference in the details between USA and USAF, but I'm sure assignments in all of the services depend on your rank, MOS, time you've been on your current post and how much time you have left on your enlistment.
In the USAF, you had the best chance of getting an assignment you like if you made sure that your specialty could be used at the base you want to move to. And that theere are a large number of slots (or "openings" to civilians) available there. There are really a lot of variables in the assignment process.
Thanks for the insight! I'm just used to going where M&D said we were going as kids. I do remember enjoying the moves and getting to reinvent myself-I could decide would I be a nerd, an athlete, whatever at each new school. It is different thinking that I'll be the wife (and eventually) mother soon. Puts a whole new spin on things!
Congratulations!!!! My son is going into the service shortly and I found that his unit (all units in MN NG) have something called a Faimly Readiness Group (FRG) these are groups of wifes,husbands, moms and dads that band together to help one another when the spouse is deployed. What a great idea to have a group of people experianceing the same things you might be. Look into it! plug in if they have one! and Stay strong! marriages are tested by long deployments but I'm sure you can do it.
P.S. A quick check and I found the Armys link to FRG...
GoArmy.com > Soldier Life > Army Families > Community Service (http://www.goarmy.com/families/family_acs.jsp - broken link)
Thanks for all the advice! What I know for sure is that he is in the middle (well closer to the end of the middle I guess) of training to be a Green Berets and from what we have discussed the way I understand it, we won't have to move around as much as I did as a kid (though the time overseas was priceless! and I would love my kids one day to have some of those cultural experiences).
One of the things I'm already experiencing is that I have more freedom than my girlfriends in planning my wedding, because he is training now and totally incommunicado, so he will just have to deal with the decisions I make! =) Though, he has said that he just wants to wear a tux, not his uniform, but I'm insisting on the uniform, because while I'm marrying him, I'm also marrying into what that uniform represents and my life will be affected by his job. Besides, he looks quite sexy in his dress uniform!!! =) (but I know, I'm in love, so I'm biased!).
Once again thanks! And if you think of anything else, I'm all ears.
Green Berets are tops in my book! Congratulations!
Congratulations on marrying into the Army family. You'll have some incredible times and experience things few others can imagine. Its not always easy but its definitely worth it.
After a 20 year career and being married to my wife for 16 years (and moving her 13 times between 5 different countries and a few states), here is my advice:
1. Build a strong marriage which can weather any storm. That means loving and respecting each other (and accepting shortcomings) but also being happy and secure during long absences.
2. Be open to meeting new people and making them part of your life, even it it means always saying goodbye when you move. Otherwise, you end up going into a shell and expecting your spouse (who will spend a fair amount of time away from home) to fill the roles your friends play - doesn't always work. Don't isolate yourself. Spouses who go down that road can end up drinking a lot, etc.
3. Save your money and plan for the future. Avoid the temptation to run up debt and immediately buy those things you've always dreamed of having. Too many young soldiers spend their bonus on an expensive new car or buy big screen TVs on credit and have almost zero left for groceries, emergencies, etc. Wait a few years for these things and save your money for the future so you'll have more options. Suppose after his first enlistment is up he wants to go use the GI Bill and go to school then try something new? If you are saddled with debt, he may not have that choice. At the same tim, I know plenty of people who saved and invested wisely over the years and when they retired at 20-22 years (with the nice pension and medical bennies), they never had to work again.
4. Check out the FRG but be advised they are all very different, depending on personality issues. If its a good fit for you, go for it. If not, don't feel obligated to spend too much time with them (because if will only make you unhappy). One issue with FRGs is that, with the best of intentions, they can fill every spare bit of time you have. So, instead of getting to know your own neighbors (who may or may not be military, if off base), you spend time driving across town to be with the FRG. Striking a balance is the key.
5. Don't stop being yourself. Have a strong sense of who you are and don't let go of it. Between an overwhelming Army culture and moving all the time and re-establishing yourself, spouses can feel like their identity is being erased every few years. This can be fun but after so many years it can get old. What happens then is that some just dedicate themeslves to supporting their soldier and family and forget to take care of themselves. While this may seem noble, its actually bad for the marriage for a few reasons. First, you'll be unhappy because dedicating yourself exclusively to someone else is draining and leads to resentment (even if they never asked for that level of dedication). Secondly, you'll end up morphing into someone else - not the person they married and definitely not the person you truly are - a sure recipe for bitterness and disapointment.
- If you like to work, play the guitar, go hiking, cook gourmet meals, play volleyball, write short stories or whatever - keep doing it.
- When your soldier asks what you think of moving to Germany or Hawaii, tell him what you really think. Just saying "I'll support you wherever we go" is nice (and makes a good opener) but if he is asking, he really wants to know what you think. Better to let him know now than two years from now and thousands of miles away.
6. Deployment. Its tough, it lasts for up to one year (15 month deployments are gone now), and it can strenghen or weaken your marriage, depending on how you handle it. Points #2 and #5 above play a big role in this one. The best thing for a soldier to know when deployed is that his/her spouse is getting on with life and doing something which makes them happy. The worst is knowing that your spouse is probably isolating herself/himself and getting depressed, drinking, etc. So, by taking care of yourself and staying vibrant and "plugged in" to your community, you are making it easier for your soldier to do his duty. Also, by being "plugged in" you'll be helping someone else going through the same things. Be sure to write and not just emails. There is something about getting a letter that is special. You can carry it with you and read over and over.
- Homecoming from deployment can be tough, especially is he has seen a lot of firefights, etc. We all play it tough over there but when we come home, a lot of things come out of our system. You may find him crying or just sitting there thinking deeply about things. He may sometimes seem quick to anger but it has nothing to do with you. At the same time, you've changed as well (not a bad thing) and you'll need some time to get readjusted to each other. Thankfully, the Army has some excellent homecoming programs which will get both you and your soldier ready for these things.
7. If you get overseas, be sure to travel. Get off the post and explore. If you follow point #3, you'll be able to do all kinds of things. Living abroad is a great experience and you'll build up some great memories.
I wish you all the best in your marriage and life in the Army family.
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