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My daughter just came home from a month at her father's house. She was telling me about sitting at the breakfast table with her father and his GF and her 2 teen sons and their 3 little ones together. She was telling her dad about going to Vo-Tech for Graphic Design and mentioned they had a ROTC program there. The GF goes off and starts ranting about "None of HER children will be in the military....." So she is telling me and one of our mutual friends about this over LUNCH in a public restaurant in little town Oklahoma where that would practically be fighting words. In our family we have a VERY VERY strong military history/tradition/past going all the way back to the Revolutionary War and that is just not acceptable in any way shape or form. But. I also know how kids bring stories home from the other parents. If there is something that is guaranteed to get my neck in a twist, that would be it. And my 16 yr old knows it as well as anyone else that knows me.
I couldn't believe I kept my cool and didn't blow the top off of my head. My friend said...Karen your scalp is turning red. Your face is purple. Are you OK??? NOOOOOOOO but I survived. I wanted to call up GF and tell her what I thought about it...but I didn't. I might still do it though. Just to make myself feel better. And to point out to her that FIRST it isn't her child. SECOND there are LOTS of worse things the child (@16 she is barely still a child) could be doing besides considering the military for a career. And Third repeat of #1 would probably be in order hahahahaha.
I think it would be a fine career choice for a young lady that is somewhat undecided about what she would like to do with her life. After 4 years she can decide what she wants to do next, have the direction and discipline to know how to get from point A to point B, and the motivation to get it going on.
It's nice that you respect the military and its history, but let's see... You're thinking about getting into a telephone conflict with your ex-husband's girlfriend because of something your 16 year-old daughter told you. The military gets along quite well on its own. You're not going to change anyone's mind about it. People enjoy the hard fought freedom (thanks to our veterans) to have their own opinion. Give your daughter advise and support your beliefs, but leave your feelings about your ex-husband and his friends well hidden. It doesn't sound like the girlfriend has much influence anyway.
My daughter just came home from a month at her father's house. She was telling me about sitting at the breakfast table with her father and his GF and her 2 teen sons and their 3 little ones together. She was telling her dad about going to Vo-Tech for Graphic Design and mentioned they had a ROTC program there. The GF goes off and starts ranting about "None of HER children will be in the military....."
First of all, you were not there so you don't know exactly how the conversation started or what was said. Secondly, she has the right to state her opinion. It is her house after all, and she was talking about HER kids, not YOUR kid.
I think in general when people react this way, as she did, it is not ill intentioned. The military is a very dangerous field to go into. And many people do not want their children to go into it because they don't want them to die, get blown up and damaged for life, or develop psychological problems. I'm sure you are aware of the risks. There is no need to start an arguement with her and increase tensions. Just let it go. People have their opinions. You don't have to agree with them.
Just remember, when your daughter is 18, she can make this decision on her own, and will have your support. There will always be people in a family who disagree with the path one member chooses. Heck,I was on a BSN track in college to get my nursing degree, and I was being pressured to give it up and go pre-Med because a BSN was not "good enough for me".
After my husband and I got married, I was having trouble finding a job in my field (I had a degree in community health and wanted to work in public health, doing anything to get a foot in the door) and my FIL suggested the Reserves (my husband is AD AF). Husband said "no way - I don't want a dual-military marriage" and I felt that we would have kids soon and I did not want to be dual-military parents. Looking back, my husband tells me - I wish I had encouraged you b/c we could have socked away some money (and I think I could have gotten some relevant job experience had I been able to get a position in public health or as a med tech or some administrative position in the MTF).
So, when the time comes, have her think objectively about the decision and tell her to shut out the voices (both the discouraging ones and encouraging ones) so she can make the best decision for her.
How did your daughter feel about GF's response? That, to me, is the far more important issue. Was she upset? Offended? If the Gf's outburst was disturbing in any way, your job as a parent is to model how she could respond. There are ways for her to respond to such an outburst that are non-confrontational, respectful, informative and will shut the nosy busy-body down. What was her father's response? If this woman was just expressing an opinion and spouting off at the mouth, that's one thing. But if she was verbally attacking your daughter and making her uncomfortable, then her father had an obligation to step in and come to her 'defense.'
Sounds like it just another point of contention between you and the gf. The gf should keep her mouth shut IMO, but it's awful hard for opinionated people to do this. Don't get caught up in it, support your girl and focus on her, not the gf - who cares what SHE THINKS her kids are going to do, they have a mind of their own and maybe the kids will see the success your daughter is working towards and follow in her footsteps.
Just remember, when your daughter is 18, she can make this decision on her own, and will have your support. There will always be people in a family who disagree with the path one member chooses. Heck,I was on a BSN track in college to get my nursing degree, and I was being pressured to give it up and go pre-Med because a BSN was not "good enough for me".
So, when the time comes, have her think objectively about the decision and tell her to shut out the voices (both the discouraging ones and encouraging ones) so she can make the best decision for her.
My daughter and I have discussed this very much as I would want her to be informed and discuss any other career option she would have. Pro's and Con's from all sides. She will make her decision for herself when she turns 18, this much I am sure of. She felt like she was being attacked especially when her father didn't say anything about the comments. She knows how I feel about it and she is also very aware that when she turns 18 she can do whatever she wishes. I called Dad a couple of days ago about some other things we needed to discuss and he mentioned it to me. I told him I didn't say anything...but he needed to discuss with GF that this is definitely a career option we both support for her, if she so chooses. We discusses a long time ago that bf/gf's come and go but we are here..and the kids are here to stay. We have to put them first with us being the parents and there for them. This one has been pretty good so far.. we get along fairly well. We both know our kids do what they can to keep animosity going so we watch out for it as much as we can.
Last edited by okpondlady; 07-13-2009 at 12:40 PM..
Reason: Clarification
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