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First, I thank your husband for his service to our country and to you for being his anchor/support system.
Next, You might want to check out a forum 'Veterans Benefits Network' at: http://vets.yuku.com/bvetbenefits specifically the 'PTSD Specific Discussions/Claims/Issues' or just click on: http://vets.yuku.com/forums/70/t/PTSD-Specific-Discussions-Claims-Issues.htmlif it doesn't work then just copy and past into your browser.
Again, thanks to the both of you for your sacrifices.
The above posts have been great. I just want to add a few things. First, thanks to everyone who has served. We have the greatest military!!! But, anyway, that should be self-evident!!!
Your husband could have PTSD, it is an epidemic these days, so I would advise him going to speak with a professional or with a chaplain (a lot of chaplains these days are receiving some training in PTSD).
It could also just be adjustment, we all adjust differently and your husband could be dealing with the let down. For months he was in a place where death and trauma was a reality and where fear was a bedside companion for many. He and the others in his unit probably bonded in a way that civilians cannot understand, they are his brothers now. He has gone from everything that war entangles to being at home and away from these men that he shared everything with, from combat to MRE's, to cold showers. A lot of guys are glad to be home, but also worry about those left behind still in the combat zone, and they can almost feel guilty for enjoying being home. Also, being at work could be a place where he is with some of the men that he was in combat with and he doesn't want to break that bond yet. Homecoming is a complex issue and your husband is probably conflicted about many things.
All this to say, that I agree that seeing a counselor would be helpful for both of you. Or you could read a book or 2 on the issue.
When War Comes Home (for wives) & The Combat Trauma Healing Manual (for service members) by Rev. Chris Adsit
I'll try to be brief on a long story. Desert Storm USS Iwo Jima LPH-2. Arrived after 10 guys were killed in a steam leak. The engineers who were there when it happened were screaming in their sleep for weeks and months afterward. Things happened while there. While working at a shore based ship maintenance facility I had to remove a pump from a minesweeper. Nearly drowned because the valves failed. That happened late 1997. First few years I'd occasionally jump wide awake from a ship dream. Things got better. About 5 years after getting out I got some chemical vapors in the eyes at work. Went to ER for treatment. When the nurse began pouring cold saline solution onto my face I came close to knocking her out. I felt like I was being drowned again. Didn't know how much the near drowning effected me. Loud sudden noises makes me jump. Have to turn down the volume of the phone at work. A white noise sleep machine helps me to sleep better at night. Engineers who work in the engineroom and fireroom jump up wide awake if everything goes dead quiet like if there's a power outage. Wife couldn't understand why it would take hours for me to go back to sleep when the power turned back on. She didn't know my body was ready for action cause my job was to run to the engineroom to help get the generators back up and running again. That happened to us while in a minefield. Very scary for all of us. Don't try to force him to talk about it with you. If he does tell you about what he saw or did or what it was like then pay attention and just listen without judging him.
Don't try to force him to talk about it with you. If he does tell you about what he saw or did or what it was like then pay attention and just listen without judging him.
Agree. It's difficult for spouses to understand that even without saying anything, their vibe of wanting things to be normal can be a big pressure on the returning spouse. I might sound cold but would suggest for any spouse to try to have no expectations for at least three to four months.
Military life trains your senses for survival in a way that's difficult to put into words, much like survivors of a plane crash have experienced something unique that maybe husband, wife, children not involved, would not understand.
Decades ago what helped me was other veterans.
I want to thank everyone who contributed to this thread.
A good book on the subject that I highly recommend is Back From the Front: by Aphrodite Matsakis. It is less than $17 on amazon, or Barnes and Noble can order it for you. It is one of my favorite books on the subject, and is written for spouses.
If you want to know what the combat person went through I'd recommend Lt. Dave Grossman's book On Combat (once again it isn't too expensive and is easy to find). He's been there and done that, and he's become one of the leading experts on combat and all the issues that relate to combat.
this is so sad, as tdy's(tours) get longer and longer....something need to be offered more for service members when they get home, as well as for family members, so all can adjust back to normal.
this should be automatic part of debriefing, just as when a police officer has to go to therepy when he has discharged his gun, service members need a cool down to.
they are over there much longer now, they develop new habits, often forgetting what its like tobe at home and with their families again.
things may have troubled them while away, enough so that they need to be able to release it thru therepy before they are tossed back into their normal lives.
if not...bad things happen, spouse/child abuse, rage, suicide, etc.
this should be manditory, to be sure they are "ready" again.
my husband tripped out alot, over the years, he would handle each tdy differant, he was always glad to be home, and couldnt wait to do all he missed out on, but closer to retiremenet, he was getten burned out, and it took longer to bounce back.
most only need few days to a week to bounce back, the excitement of being home with their families is all they need, but if its taking that long, i agree with others on here....see a doc...if your spouse wont go on his own and you truly feel there is a problem...go over his head and talk to his supervisor, they can help set up appts and get them in without them thinking you was in on it.
I truly hope all works out for you, and im sooooo glad your loved one is home safe, feel blessed with that....he will get back to normal soon enough, just have patients, nd seek help if need be, even for yourself, we all need to vent.
Thank you for his service...and God bless all our troops and their families
Hello. Our stories are a bit different, my boyfriend came back after losing his his legs and major use of his right wrist. At first he seemed okay, then withdrew from me. He broke up with me shortly after and refused to talk to me. Once we got through that (took almost a year) (lots of rehab too) everything has been great. We have good days and we have bad days... mostly we have problems every now and then with night terrors or emotions he was hiding. I know we also had problems with say garbage bags on the road or something looking out of place. All I can say to you is that he may or may not need help but I do not think he can be forced. Constantly let him know you are and will be there for him and love him. Good luck and thank you and yours for everything.
Glad to hear he is back safe and sound. "Hibernating" for awhile is pretty normal since you have zero privacy and no quiet time when you are deployed. Its also like going from 100 mph to 15 mph all at once and then the mental fatigue catches up fast.
If he gets frustrated, please know that it has nothing to do with how much he loves you and the kids, it just means he needs time to recharge and process the big change that coming home entails.
If you want to get him out of the house, walks in a quiet park may be a good place to start. It worked for me!
I wish you and your family all the best in enjoying your reunion together!
Hello. Our stories are a bit different, my boyfriend came back after losing his his legs and major use of his right wrist. At first he seemed okay, then withdrew from me. He broke up with me shortly after and refused to talk to me. Once we got through that (took almost a year) (lots of rehab too) everything has been great. We have good days and we have bad days... mostly we have problems every now and then with night terrors or emotions he was hiding. I know we also had problems with say garbage bags on the road or something looking out of place. All I can say to you is that he may or may not need help but I do not think he can be forced. Constantly let him know you are and will be there for him and love him. Good luck and thank you and yours for everything.
You are a good woman.
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so sad
