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My husband is a Sergeant in the Army Reserves... It's my understanding that my husband receives a separation allowance for being away from his family. I'm a stay-at-home mom who spends my days caring for our two daughters. My husband is living in a lapse of luxury while I struggle to care for our two daughters. I'm constantly receiving disconnection notices, not because I refuse to pay my bills but rather because I just don't have the income to cover my monthly expenses. If I choose to purchase diapers and wipes or some other much needed basic necessities, there will be a bill which, more than likely, will go unpaid in that particular month. I only have basic expenses: Rent, Electricity, Water & Sewer, Telephone Services. NO luxuries like Cable or Cellular.
I was told by my husband that neither our daughters nor myself are entitled to any of his benefits. He explained the separation benefits to be a compensation solely to him and not for the care of his family. I'm lost here, I thought a husband was responsible for his household no matter where he is stationed. Help!!!
I've been job hunting since November 2008 with no luck. Companies are let employees go left and right on my area. I'm not looking for the easy way out. I've been doing caring for our two daughter since my husband return from over seas in June 2008. It has become rather difficult to keep going. I've had to apply for public assistance to keep our daughter out of a homeless shelter.
Meanwhile, my husband has been purchasing wide screen HDTV, Xbox 360, and other expensive electronics. He feels no remorse that I've been reduced to borrowing diapers and money to pay for diapers and wipes most months. I would like to know what my rights are as his wife. Am I better off divorced?
I think this is more of a marriage problem issue.
However, I will tell you the general idea of what I know. Also, keep in mind that the reserves may have some variations on this.
In a technical sense your husbands pay is his, not yours. You cannot go to the finance office and tell them he is not supporting you and then they in turn give you money.
However, there is a regulation that covers issues like this when Soldiers do not pay support for their families. It takes some doing though. Most of the ways Soldiers are made to pay in many instances is by pressure, not by regulation. You as a spouse can call his commander and/or First Sergeant and let him know your situation. In a very strict sense they may have the ability to discharge him from the service because something like this would bring discredit to the Army. However, many leaders do not use this route.
The regulation if it still reads the same states that in the absence of a court order, written agreement, or a verbal agreement at least he is supposed to give you the extra amount of money he gets for being married. This is money that is for the family. In some cases you may even be able to back pay you for all the months he did not give you this money. This amount is not part of his pay.
If going to the commander or First Sergeant does not work. I suggest you contact the JAG office or the IG office. They can give you more guidance on how to handle this. I believe they can give you enough material for you so he can provide support.
In a more extreme case some spouses have written to their congressman listing their plight. Congressman are good at putting pressure on military personnel through their command.
I recommend you first contact the Commander or First Sergeant.
Second if this does not work, the JAG office or the IG office. Contact them first only to get information what options you have and what are you entitled to. Knowledge is power.
Actually, the next step is to contact the Battalion command or Command Sergeant Major.
The next step is the Brigade Commander of his Command Sergeant Major.
Next, maybe the Post Command Sergeant Major or the Post Commander.
I would recommend you first contact the NCO then the officer.
Before you do all these, I would recommend you tell your husband you will do these steps if you do not recieve any support from him. He seems to be acting this way because he believes you are very ignorant about what benefits and protections you have as an Army spouse.
Is there a military base close by? If so, let me know. I will try to help you as best as I can on where to go for help.
I am a Sergeant Major with 31 years of service this year. I will be happy to give you guidance on this matter.
Lastly, do not use this guidance as THE law. You must go to the appropriate agencies that have the experts on these matters. I am simply giving you some courses of action for you to use to get the best information for you to make the most informed decision.
My husband is a Sergeant in the Army Reserves... It's my understanding that my husband receives a separation allowance for being away from his family. I'm a stay-at-home mom who spends my days caring for our two daughters. My husband is living in a lapse of luxury while I struggle to care for our two daughters. I'm constantly receiving disconnection notices, not because I refuse to pay my bills but rather because I just don't have the income to cover my monthly expenses. If I choose to purchase diapers and wipes or some other much needed basic necessities, there will be a bill which, more than likely, will go unpaid in that particular month. I only have basic expenses: Rent, Electricity, Water & Sewer, Telephone Services. NO luxuries like Cable or Cellular.
I was told by my husband that neither our daughters nor myself are entitled to any of his benefits. He explained the separation benefits to be a compensation solely to him and not for the care of his family. I'm lost here, I thought a husband was responsible for his household no matter where he is stationed. Help!!!
I've been job hunting since November 2008 with no luck. Companies are let employees go left and right on my area. I'm not looking for the easy way out. I've been doing caring for our two daughter since my husband return from over seas in June 2008. It has become rather difficult to keep going. I've had to apply for public assistance to keep our daughter out of a homeless shelter.
Meanwhile, my husband has been purchasing wide screen HDTV, Xbox 360, and other expensive electronics. He feels no remorse that I've been reduced to borrowing diapers and money to pay for diapers and wipes most months. I would like to know what my rights are as his wife. Am I better off divorced?
I understand that you are a kind person, and dont' want to give him any more grief than need be. I can't advise you on how to instill a sense of responsibility to his children. I won't make judgement calls about his behavior in this post.
However, it is my understanding that the Army Reserves also use the Army Regulation 608-99. That Regulation is an important and probably the only regulation you will ever have to familiarize yourself with~ it outlines the Soldiers responsibility to his dependents.
My suggestions to find resolution: (they echo many of the posters above)
1. Contact your Husband's Chain of Command or if he is deployed contact his Rear D. You want to speak to the 1SG (or NCOIC) there or request to speak to the CO. Do not wait more than 48 hours for a call back or a call to tell you what the plan is to assist you. Keep calling. Make sure to notate who you spoke to, what time it was, and a brief note of what was said. Keep a log of that just in case. Think Memorandum for Record, just in case someone drops the ball.
2. Tell them exactly what the nature of your problem is: That you are not receiving support from your Soldier and you can't pay the bills and provide for your children's basic needs. That should get the ball rolling. Be straight forward and trim all the excess details out ~ BLUF ~ Bottom line up front.
3. You have not said if you wish to continue your marriage or divorce him. If you choose to divorce him, he will be obligated to pay his child support ~ I recommend to go ahead and request a non-discretionary allotment for the children prior to the divorce being finalized.
4. A suggestion that might help you: When you get your call back (1SG, CO or even the CFS) or if you are asked to provide a number of what help you need for your children get together a list (and documentation if available) for expenses. Such as rent (lease, or receipts or arrearage) utilities, food, medical care monthly etc.
The bottom line IMHO: This isn't about him, this isn't about you and him, this is about the welfare of the children. Period.
Off Topic to others that have posted:
I know about the 50% on the retirement pay division (Uniformed Services' Former Spouse Protection Act) but I wasn't aware that a divorce automatically results in a 50% division of those still on Active Duty (or reserves and etc.). Anyone have a link for that please? I'd like to read up on that.
I feel sorry for you and your husband is a jack*ss.
I would call his Commanding officer. And if you are indeed seperate I would also try to claim child support. As a dependent you should have all the benefits he has.
If you have been married to him for 10 years or more, than even in a divorce you are entitled to 50% of his base-pay, plus child support.
I didn't read the whole thread, but I would like to point out that in most states, the non-military spouse is not entitled to any such thing.
In a divorce, the old "dumping" laws just won't stand up in most states.
The non-military spouse has to prove in court that he or she contributed to the career of the service member and several other things. Child support is a given for the non-custodial parent, but trust me, the old myth of the non-military spouse getting income or retirement is just that.
Oh, and if the non-military spouse gets remarried, anything he or she "got" from the service member's benefit is forfited.
I feel bad for the gal who posted the thread. But sadly, the military has deadbeats too.
There are several different approaches you can consider. If your husband is currently deployed, his unit will have a point of contact left behind at the unit level who could help you. All units have a family support group that has a direct link to his first sergeant or company commander.
Are you separated because of military duty or activation, or just separated because of marital difficulties? Regardless of the circumstances, he will receive additional benefits while activated for his annual training, (warrior training) or anytime he's activated. He has a obligation to provide for your support under any circumstance. The military provides BAQ with dependents to all married military members.
Check with the local military legal office or Army Reserve Command that oversees your husbands unit. They have different resources available to you.
Non-military spouse is entitled to alot more than you think. If your husband and yourself are leaving apart and not divorced his command can and most likely order him to send his bah by allotment to you. I used to work in the S-1 and OLY MOKES did this happen alot!
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You Have Rights Too As A Family Member
