Confused Military Spouse (Army, reserves, reservist, stationed)

[vcreighton]

My husband is a Sergeant in the Army Reserves... It's my understanding that my husband receives a separation allowance for being away from his family. I'm a stay-at-home mom who spends my days caring for our two daughters. My husband is living in a lapse of luxury while I struggle to care for our two daughters. I'm constantly receiving disconnection notices, not because I refuse to pay my bills but rather because I just don't have the income to cover my monthly expenses. If I choose to purchase diapers and wipes or some other much needed basic necessities, there will be a bill which, more than likely, will go unpaid in that particular month. I only have basic expenses: Rent, Electricity, Water & Sewer, Telephone Services. NO luxuries like Cable or Cellular.
I was told by my husband that neither our daughters nor myself are entitled to any of his benefits. He explained the separation benefits to be a compensation solely to him and not for the care of his family. I'm lost here, I thought a husband was responsible for his household no matter where he is stationed. Help!!!
I've been job hunting since November 2008 with no luck. Companies are let employees go left and right on my area. I'm not looking for the easy way out. I've been doing caring for our two daughter since my husband return from over seas in June 2008. It has become rather difficult to keep going. I've had to apply for public assistance to keep our daughter out of a homeless shelter.
Meanwhile, my husband has been purchasing wide screen HDTV, Xbox 360, and other expensive electronics. He feels no remorse that I've been reduced to borrowing diapers and money to pay for diapers and wipes most months. I would like to know what my rights are as his wife. Am I better off divorced?

[toosie]

Depending where he is and for how long, it's possible that he is earning extra pay for housing and/or hazardous duty. It's up to him to have the army direct the funds into your joint account or an account of his choosing. From what you describe it doesn't sound like he is being a stand-up guy. From my experience with the military, you, as the wife of an Army Reservist, are unlikely to get much help resolving this through his chain of command. My suggestion is for you to call Military One Source for help understanding what resources are available to you. That number is 800-342-9647. You will have to give his rank, name, and branch but you can open a file that is in your name only that he does not have access to. Pay attention when they ask you for that release so you are sure that you're the only one with access. Unfortunately, your situation is not unusual. The good news is, you can probably find lots of support from others who have been in your shoes. Good luck to you.

[Poncho_NM]

Originally Posted by vcreighton

I was told by my husband that neither our daughters nor myself are entitled to any of his benefits.

There is always two sides to a story.

I think if your husband was in a divorce hearing and stated the above he would be in for a great shock.

All I can offer is that you need help. But I am not sure what is currently available. I would probably start calling the nearest military installation and asking for help and some guidance.

Good luck.


Rich

[alicejb]

OP, I don't know how it works for the reservist side of the house but something smells fishy here. If you are legally his wife, you are entitled to what he has also. From the active duty side anyway. If he's deployed he is supposed to get a family separation pay, housing allowance (for his dependents zipcode), hazardous duty pay (if he's in the front line or danger area), etc. Pardon, I might miss some of the allowances. Look at some of the links I"ll post here and do the research. Like I said, I am aware from the active duty side of the house, it migh not be the same for his side:

Reserve Pay Overview - Military Benefits - Military.com
Military Insider: Reserve Benefits & Resources

Either way, he sounds like a rat. If you two are legally married, you have more rights than what he's blabbing about. Do your research and ring the chain, if need be. Besides, I wouldn't call someone like that a man if he lets his wife and child forage for food and diaper while he's worried about some Xbox and large screen TV. You might want to really clean house once the mess settles in...

Good luck, OP.

[TheJagMan]

Originally Posted by Poncho_NM

There is always two sides to a story.

I think if your husband was in a divorce hearing and stated the above he would be in for a great shock.

All I can offer is that you need help. But I am not sure what is currently available. I would probably start calling the nearest military installation and asking for help and some guidance.

Good luck.


Rich

Fully agree here. To my understanding, there is nothing the military can do other than provide pressure for him to pay. You're ultimately going to have to take him to court to collect anything; thus letting a judge decide.

Of course it's tough out there, that's something you need overcome. Consider moving in with a friend and family member. Try and get a job in retail or something, also consider looking into states that offer free tuition.

[Submariner]

You need to contact the base legal office.

If you have been married to him for 10 years or more, than even in a divorce you are entitled to 50% of his base-pay, plus child support.

[lisdol]

Technically, it is his. But...The level of character he is expected to exhibit as a member of the military includes considering the welfare of his dependents.

Military one source is a good starting point, like someone else offered. If you know his unit, see if you can get in touch with the chaplain. The chaplain might be able to help you get more information or help and might even be able to talk to your husband and try to work things out. I always suggest that instead of contacting the boss b/c some bosses will not want to get involved and will get upset with him for being bothered by you and nothing will get accomplished.

Based on your side of this story, he has little consideration for your welfare and his child's welfare. I cannot tell you what to do with your marriage, but I surely think you need to think long and hard about where your marriage is going.

[alicejb]

vcreighton, did you get my direct message? i sent a reply to yours...grrr, this work filter i have sucks!

[marmac]

Originally Posted by forest beekeeper

You need to contact the base legal office.

If you have been married to him for 10 years or more, than even in a divorce you are entitled to 50% of his base-pay, plus child support.

I never heard of thast one ( 50% of his pay)

A civilian would never be ordered to giver his wife 50% of his paycheck plus pay child support.

That doesn't sound right.

[Crew Chief]

Marmac, back in the 1980's Congresswoman Patricia Schroeder got passed something called the "Ex-Spouse Protection Act (or similar wording). The act permits state courts, when a couple divorces, to divide military retirement benefits 50/50 between the military member and ex-spouse if the marriage lasted at least 10 years while the member was on active duty. There's a LOT of discussion that goes along with the details of this act and I'm ready to hit the sack right now. But if someone else hasn't posted, I'll talk about it futher later. Or you can run an internet search about it.