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My mother in law is stricken with post polio syndrome She is partially blind, has paralysis, has had heart problems to include a heart attack. She has also in the past suffered a stroke, and has had a pacemaker installed. She is 70 years old.
She relies on her husband for help but he is 64, very overweight and has issues such as diabetes, back problems, disc problems, heart problems and has poor health though his health is not as bad as my mother in law. He also has blockages in his arteries. He just recently went in for this.
The only other person that lives nearby is my sister in law and her health is also not good as she has type 2 diabetes and relies on insulin daily.
We're thinking that I may have to end up PCSing from my base in Missouri back to North Carolina where my in laws live, so that we can care for her in the even her husband can't do it. Also because my in laws are a close knit family and my wife and I have our first child 16 months ago and we would like for my mother in law and father in law to get to spend as much time with her before they pass. As of now we only get to travel there once a year for a week.
What I'm wondering is if anyone has done this and what the proceedures are for doing it? Does their doctor need to type up a letter for me to give to my commander for approval? How does this work?
I might be wrong but I don't think this qualifies as a hardship case on your part. It's your MIL not your mother, father, ect. Why not move her to your location?
It sounds like you're trying to figure all the reason to make this more palitable but I still don't think it passes the smell test.
I think you need to suck it up and stop trying to work the system.
This may be the case. However, you can check with your Commander. He may pursue that your immediate presence will contribute to the welfare of your spouse's immediate family member. You should investigate the possibility of a humanitarian or exceptional family member reassignment or a hardship discharge, but you may opt for emergency leave for 60 days. This could qualify, I really don't know. Afterward, you may decide that this move is not in your (and your wife's) best interest. What do the in-laws think of your plans?
I only have experience w/Navy but they did do a compassionate reassignment for my sister in law when her mother was in the end stages of breast cancer, BUT I'm talking END stages and it was difficult to get approved. I believe her mother was in hospice already by the time it was approved. I am not sure how they view "in laws" versus direct family but air force is supposed to be more lenient and family friendly so it can't hurt to submit paperwork to be reassigned. That said....
I can say from a health provider perspective, while I don't know the exact extend of the situation, it does sound like there are other options. First PPS is rarely life threatening so that particular diagnosis probably would not get a swift response to you being reassigned, that is basically muscle weakness, fatique...with her stroke sounds like she might need some Physical therapy and basic assistance with daily living however this is not life threatening. Many older adults have pacemakers and they go on to lead happy lives for years. Same thing post heart attack. Even these combined doesn't mean she is close to death. My father has had two heart attacks, he's had every vessel stented in his heart after numerous angioplasties. My father in law has diabetes, has had a heart attack, he's 72. I don't mean to sound cruel but having the issues you explain wouldn't necessarily mean imminent death and needing to move to be close as something like terminal cancer would.
Your sister in law having diabetes requiring insulin wouldn't be an excuse to not caring for her mother at all. That's just standard management of diabetes. I won't go into your father in law...I'm just saying that from a perspective as a nurse I do not see a reason why they'd approve this unless she is in a hospice situation already but it doesn't sound like that at all. I probably could list many more issues of my personal family members that probably could get approved before these. I DO understand you wanting them to see your child before they die, thing is....what you describe is typical of many older adults and they could live years and years to come. Sorry to put this so bluntly but I might try to just make sure you carve out family time in other ways using basic leave.
Is it possible for your wife to go to her parents and help care for them? She could take your child to visit them for a little while and make sure they're taken care of. They would have propper care and they would be able to see your child. I know that splitting your family wouldn't make the best circumstances, but if you're unable to go it might be a possibility.
I agree with militarymom. If I were someone looking at this situation I would say "prove to me the sister cannot take care of the parent - there would have to be a lot more to her diabetes than needing daily insulin".
Humanitarian assignments are for conditions that are supposed to resolve in 12 mos or less. Is this going to resolve? Examples I have seen are children that need a series of surgeries - AD member is reassigned to a base/job near the specialized hospital, that kind of thing. I have also seen in more close-knit career fields the situation where a certain assignment would benefit/greatly assist a family who is facing a tough situation, and they make sure that person gets that assignment and it is a regular 3 or 4 yr assignment, which works out better than 12 mos. <- can you try to do this - try for a regular PCS? It probably depends on your relationship with your chain of command and the guy in your field that works assignments for you but its worth a try - esp since it sounds from what I have read about comp reassignments that chronic conditions do not get approved.
I think a better bet is to simply look into caregiver services for your MIL if FIL is not up to it. I am sorry to say. The fact that you are married and your spouse is going assumably to be doing a lot of the help-work with the ILs, I am not sure the military would approve your reassignment.
"The problem can be expected to be resolved by family members joining the soldier at their duty station."
That to me sounds like if by you being assigned there, it makes it easier for your wife to care for the family, that is not valid. Its only if say, you, were single, or your wife were unable to care for the parents, and you were there taking care of them constantly, that the reassignment would be approved.
I sure would like my kids to spend more time with their family but that is life. My mom died of cancer on the opposite coast from my kids. I know what it feels like to wish your kids got more time with their grandparents. I suggest if it is important, your wife gather up the kids regardless of your leave status, and go visit. You can pay back tickets on credit. You can't get time back after someone is gone.
One thing I always tell people is if they have Air Force related questions is to see if there's an AFI that covers it. In this case AFI 36-2110, Assignments, has the answer:
EFMP does not cover in-laws unless they fall under one of the following circumstances listed.
A25.2. For the Purpose of the EFMP, the Following Terms are Explained.
AFI36-2110 22 SEPTEMBER 2009 407
A25.2.1. Exceptional Family Member: Limited to the member’s spouse, child, or other person actually residing in the member’s household who is dependent on the member for over half of his or her financial support, and who meets DOD criteria for enrollment in the EFMP.
Humanitarians do cover in-laws but you do not qualify.
A24.7. Reasons Humanitarian Requests are Usually Disapproved. Requests for reassignment or deferment are usually disapproved when it is probable that the problem will exist for an indefinite period of time, or the request is based on one of the following circumstances: A24.7.1. A desire to provide physical, emotional, or other support to help with the activities of daily living to a parent or parent-in-law due to age, non-terminal or chronic illness or disability, or recent death in the family.
You may want to take a look at getting an assignment closer, or do a short tour in the hopes that you can get the assignment you want. I would recommend at the very least closely reviewing the AFI (hey, I may have missed something) and discussing your options with your First Sergeant.
Best of luck to you and your family.
Last edited by goodmanm; 01-29-2010 at 08:55 AM..
Reason: clarification.
My mother in law is stricken with post polio syndrome She is partially blind, has paralysis, has had heart problems to include a heart attack. She has also in the past suffered a stroke, and has had a pacemaker installed. She is 70 years old.
She relies on her husband for help but he is 64, very overweight and has issues such as diabetes, back problems, disc problems, heart problems and has poor health though his health is not as bad as my mother in law. He also has blockages in his arteries. He just recently went in for this.
The only other person that lives nearby is my sister in law and her health is also not good as she has type 2 diabetes and relies on insulin daily.
We're thinking that I may have to end up PCSing from my base in Missouri back to North Carolina where my in laws live, so that we can care for her in the even her husband can't do it. Also because my in laws are a close knit family and my wife and I have our first child 16 months ago and we would like for my mother in law and father in law to get to spend as much time with her before they pass. As of now we only get to travel there once a year for a week.
What I'm wondering is if anyone has done this and what the proceedures are for doing it? Does their doctor need to type up a letter for me to give to my commander for approval? How does this work?
The Air Force is not your friend. You are going to have to repeat this mantra over and over again (and this applies to everyone else). You are going to meet someone along the way who has scammed the system and you are going to get frustrated because you genuinely have a need. That's just the way it goes.
I worked in assignments at Ramstein (I filled in for a civilian who was on maternity leave) and in the course of about 8 weeks, I heard one story after another of someone "needing" to be in a location to take care of a family member. I shook my head in sympathy, had them fill out the paperwork, and sent it off for processing (where 99% of them came back declined).
There are exceptions to every rule, but here's the basic facts. You are only given what's called a humanitarian assignment if it's for an immediate family member. It doesn't matter if someone is closer to you than your immediate family (and by immediate, I mean wife, kids, mother, father). That's it. No grandparents, no sister, and no in-laws. And by "immediate", that's for the military member, not your civilian spouse.
I'm sure your situation seems dire and you probably aren't trying to "game" the system. But think of it this way...there are hundreds of thousands of military members out there. If only 1/10th of them tried to game the system (and trust me, they do), everyone would be on some sort of "hardship" assignment to take care of their ailing grandparents who (no big shocker) live in Florida. The entire time I was at Ramstein, I heard from what seemed like hundreds of people and not one of them (NOT ONE) ever had someone they HAD to be close to in South Dakota. Everyone had a relative in California, Florida, the east coast.
My only advice to you is to fill out the paperwork and see how it goes. Go to your MPF Assignments office and fill out paperwork for a humanitarian assignment. There is extensive paperwork (including doctor notes) you will need. Turn it in and keep your fingers crossed. Don't get your hopes up. As a last resort, you might want to get on line and look at assignments and see if someone is willing to swap assignments with you.
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