Social Life Advice for Twin Cities Family (fit in, college)

[Camden Northsider]

Minnesota does have a different overall culture, which definitely can be a little insular at times, but I think I probably interact with as many transplants to the state as people that grew up here. I also think some things that are just a fact of American life in most places get attributed to Minnesotan attitudes (i.e. too busy with work, family, kids to have a great social life; lack of neighborly interaction, etc.), but there are differences here and people are less likely to be gregariously outgoing I think. And the neighborhood you move to can also make a dramatic difference. For instance- I didn't grow up in MN, and the neighborhood we live in has always been extremely warm, friendly, and inviting - to the point where it caught us off guard/ was a little unsettling at first, but after living here a few months we found ourselves striking up a lot of conversations with strangers because that became our new 'norm' so to speak.

I'm also married to a person that's been very intentional about putting down roots and building community where we live. My advice to the OP is that in the city there are many groups that are organized by the specific neighborhood you live in, so figure out the name of your neighborhood if you don't already know it, and use that as a reference point to make connections. This could be getting involved with your neighborhood association or joining related groups on Facebook as a way to meet people that live by you (for instance- my neighborhood has a general neighborhood page, a neighborhood mom and dad's page, a school page, a garage sale page, the list literally goes on and on and some of these pages are focused on organizing play dates, etc.). Getting involved with groups at your children's school can be another great way to meet people (i.e. PTA or other parent groups, volunteering during school time, etc.). We've met new families with similarly-aged kids just by striking up conversations at our local neighborhood park as well.

It might also be worth noting - if you're coming here and assuming that you're 'branded' as not being from around here by other Minnesotans, this likely isn't the case unless you're in a small town or cliquey suburb; an exception to that rule could come into play, however, if you identify as a member of a racial/ethnic minority group. Minnesota has a long history of being overwhelmingly white, and the general populace often fails to admit/recognize that they still have a long ways to go here with race relations, addressing local racial disparities, etc. In general, though, people here are fairly welcoming and well-intentioned, and if you're in one of the actual cities and many inner ring suburbs, you're likely also surrounded by a pretty diverse mix of families coming from a lot of places. If that's not the case, then I'm guessing you chose to live in an exclusive area, and/or send your kids to an exclusive school - which, by their very nature as such, probably shouldn't be too surprising when they don't feel super-welcoming to newcomers in general....

Good luck and welcome to Minnesota- I've lived in 5 different states and travel a lot for work, and have found the overall quality of life here in MN to have a lot of advantages relative to other parts of the country.

[considering]

I appreciate what Camden Northsider has said here. My concerns with the cultural difference described here and elsewhere are the amount of effort it takes to find people who want to engage and enjoy one another. I find a general lack of gregariousness and engaged warmth to be at times surreal and at other times disappointing. I've lived all over the US, and not experienced this level of bring reserved.

I honestly don't think we are here for the long haul. It doesn't suit us. But while we are here, I 'm learning a few things:

1. There are warm, engaging, and wonderful people here. Take the opportunities we find and follow up with people who express engagement/interest in social connection. Two times we had some big life moments interfere and we need to follow up.

2. Maintain connection with folks from other places where there is a mutuality of warmth, care, interest, and story making. We have plenty of tech tools to help with this.

3. Cultural and racial diversity is markedly less densely a part of the daily life of some folks here than in larger urban areas we have lived in (San Francisco, DC, Atlanta). Being connected to thickly diverse cultural engagement is possible and may require more effort.

4. Parent groups are not an automatic entry into social connection. We've found a few already that simply don't engage socially on any level. But it's a numbers game.

I think a lot of effort can be wasted trying to make a place somewhere else. I'm guilty of that and trying to move into an acceptance that we have more work to do, that our location in the city isn't serving our social or cultural interests, and that we may have to build things actively.

I won't take leaving as a failure. But we're going to make more of an effort while we are here to find what we need.

[HiFi]

I'd get a dog

[Minntoaz]

Originally Posted by MsBall

We've been here just a few months now; hubby and I just had this conversation the other day! The comments being made to us such as "you sure have moved around a lot", "why did you leave Colorado", "why Saint Paul" are annoying. We've lived in four different states and this is the only place where we've come across this. Seeing this attitude towards us, one who moved here from another American state, does make me wonder how those from Somalia are being treated. Would those comments be made to them?

So what if people make those comments? Is it really that offensive? Heaven forbid you don't tell them that to their face because then you'd really be like us terrible passive Minnesotans.

As for the under the bus Somali comment, Minnesota specifically created the Somalian Refugee Act of 1990 to help the Somali people and quite frankly they've been great. They have assimilated to the culture and many hold positions of leadership in various organizations. So maybe talk to them about their experiences before making erroneous assumptions.