How to make new friends in the Twin Cities (Minneapolis: apartment, vacation home)

[Astron1000]

Someone asked in the Minnesota section about making new friends, having recently moved here. I responded by advocating volunteering as an activity. You might have read the thread already, but maybe we can make this thread a showcase on how to make new friends in this sometimes cold Metro area. It always seems to be a question with newcomers.

So be creative! Let us know how you do it, especially if you're not a native.

Here was my response to the original thread:

Really, truly, get involved with local activities. It could be volunteering for a community theater (even the venerable Tony-Award-winning Guthrie Theater uses volunteers), or coaching a team, playing in a community band/orchestra, or working with AIDS patients. I've volunteered for more than 25 years with a local musical organization. They have become like family to me. I even met my life partner there!

The Twin Cities rank #1 in America for volunteerism. And that's a GREAT way to meet new people, especially when you share a common concern!

GO HERE FOR GENERAL VOLUNTEERING (there are over 1500 listings here)

OR HERE FOR THE MINNEAPOLIS PARKS & REC PAGE

OR HERE FOR MUSICAL GROUPS

OR HERE FOR THE CHILDREN'S THEATRE

OR HERE FOR THE HOLIDAZZLE PARADES

Anyway, there's a million opportunities. And it's fun! Just google something like "Minneapolis volunteer" and add words like theatre, music, health, parks, sports, drum & bugle corps, archeology, etc..." or whatever your interests!

[K-Luv]

First of all, you should volunteer because that is what is in your heart and you believe to be the right thing to do. Volunteering for social status is wrong. How do you think that kid in the burn ward is going to feel when (if) he finds out that the only reason that you are there is to meet people?

Anyways, I made friends rather quickly and easily. But here is my catch; I was a skateboarder and a punk rocker (I'm talking about real punk, not MTV or Hot Topic). Both of these groups of people seek each other out in new cities and easily band together over commonalities. I must also add that of those that I met initially, none of them were Minnesota natives. In the decade that I lived in Minneapolis the only natives that I made friends with are two people who were born in Minneapolis, two from St. Paul, one from New Ulm, one from Altoona, one from Wynona, one from Hibbing, one from Furgus Falls, and one from Duluth; all of my other friends where from North/South Dakota, California, Oregon, Washington, Wisconsin, Indiana, Illinois, New York, Texas and Connecticut.

Making friends with Minnesotans seems a too difficult task and seeing as how there are plenty of outsiders living in Minneapolis who are more then willing to make your friendship is just fine with me.

[chilaili]

Taking a class or going back to school is another good option. I made a few friends by taking a Master's degree, which I realise isn't possible for everyone, but there are lots of schools and colleges in the TC that offer short-term programs in just about any topic. I also volunteered at the MN Zoo in Apple Valley for 5 years and it was tremendous fun as well as very satisfying.

[kuan]

I coached soccer and coached chess. I've made some friends that way. I gave my one neighbor a slab of ribs and fixed my other neighbor's stove.

How do people make friends? By being a friend. (I've been watching Mr. Rogers can you tell?)

[georgiagirl1]

I love the idea of volunteering also. But, I would like to figure out how to make friends with other families who have small children. It's a bit harder to get into a regular volunteering activity and bars aren't the places anymore to socialize when you have to pay a babysitter ten bucks an hour! It would be great to have a Forum for young, hip parents to organize get-togethers where the kids can play and the adults can make new friends too.

[kuan]

ECFE class is great for that. I've made tons of friends from ECFE. Contact your local school district.

[Astron1000]

Originally Posted by K-Luv

First of all, you should volunteer because that is what is in your heart and you believe to be the right thing to do. Volunteering for social status is wrong. How do you think that kid in the burn ward is going to feel when (if) he finds out that the only reason that you are there is to meet people?

Yes, I guess I assumed that was a given. I totally agree with you!

[BillyB]

I keep seeing this theme that it's hard to make friends in the Twin Cities. So here is my advice.

It really helps to have some shared experience, like school, work, volunteering, etc. to get past that acquaintance phase and into a real friendship. Also helps to have at least similar hobbies and likes.

A lot of people, particularly married couples, simply don't have any room in their lives for more friends. If you encounter these people, move on. Remember the Seinfeld episode where Jerry says "I already have 3 friends." While you may desperately seek company, put yourself in the other person's shoes. Why should your target put in the time and effort to befriend you, when he already has plenty of really good friends?

In that vein, it will be harder for you, someone your target of friendship has only met recently, to compete with people your target has known his or her whole life.

Some people are just plain boring and don't ever like to get out of their comfort zones or leave the house. Identify these people and move on.

Friendship is a give and take. You need to plan things and invite people and not just expect to be invited all the time. Also it doesn't hurt to be cool, fun, and/or have fun things to invite people to (like a vacation home, a boat, a cabin, a hot tub, even a nice car). It seems shallow, but if you have more to bring to the table than a crappy apartment, people will want to hang out with you more.

The bottom line is that friendship takes time to develop, but it is possible.

[kuan]

I've said before

1) Show up to lutefisk dinner
2) Put a canoe on top of your car
3) Show up to lutefisk dinner with a canoe on top of your car

[aperfectbass]

Originally Posted by kuan

I've said before

1) Show up to lutefisk dinner
2) Put a canoe on top of your car
3) Show up to lutefisk dinner with a canoe on top of your car

Now I think I've identified my problem, anyone know where I can get a cheap canoe?