How about this "Minnesota Ice" vs. "Minnesota Nice" stuff?? (Tracy: public schools, quality of life)

[Latchkey Kid]

Originally Posted by sparksals

I'm not attributing traits and I don't have a problem with you. I made suggestions on how to meet people, but you weren't interested. Then, later, you make a post wanting to meet people here. It was an observation that you exhibited the same traits that we are complaining about.

Sorry if you are offended. That wasn't my intention. It was an observation. No need to get all worked up.

I dont' know where you got the idea that I was on here looking to meet people, I'm not. I was curious about the social culture. I've never said ANYTHING about wanting help making new friends. Being a bit curious about a couple of people on here is not the same as wanting to start or join a group. So maybe you took it personally when I said I wasn't interested in your group. As far as getting worked up, maybe you should go back and reread your last few posts to me. Saying "I'm not trying to be difficult" doesn't mean you aren't.

[Isabel_009]

Do you find that many of the newbies stick around, or is there a lot of turnover? I'm just wondering if it's a good way to meet new people, or if the only people who stick around are the hardcore long-term members. I would hate to go and meet people that I would never see again!

Originally Posted by sparksals

Early 30's at least and older, although there are younger and older. There's a wide range of ages and I have made friends there. If you go to the FACs, you will see a recurring group of people plus newbies. There is an annual Halloween party that is fun . My husband and I hosted a BBQ in the summer that was well attended.

I have never been able to get to that dinner meetup. Is that the one that fills up the second it's posted?

There are alot of people who have things in common. I have met a couple who enjoy trying different beer, others who are into wine tasting, others who like trying foreign food etc. Everyone who comes for the first time says it is VERY friendly and they feel comfortable and welcome.

[sparksals]

Originally Posted by Latchkey Kid

I dont' know where you got the idea that I was on here looking to meet people, I'm not. I was curious about the social culture. I've never said ANYTHING about wanting help making new friends. Being a bit curious about a couple of people on here is not the same as wanting to start or join a group. So maybe you took it personally when I said I wasn't interested in your group. As far as getting worked up, maybe you should go back and reread your last few posts to me. Saying "I'm not trying to be difficult" doesn't mean you aren't.

You're really reading too much into it. I was not offended at all. In fact, I accepted your reasoning that you are moving soon. No biggie. It was when you suggested meeting others from here that I thought odd.

I really think you're making a big deal about nothing.

As for the other stuff, I merely pointed out that the other poster was trying to see our point of view, but that you continued to argue (as in debate) with them.

Just like we want acknowledgment for our beliefs and opinions on this issue, I thought it only fair we do the same for the person with whom you were debating .

No reason to take offense at anything.

[Isabel_009]

I think this is a good point. Maybe we need someone who studies friendship development in adulthood who can shed light on this! I'm in grad school now and so far I haven't hit it off with anyone, I think partially because I am much older than many of my peers (especially in my class) and I have a different perspective on grad school. I would also say that my personality/sense of humor isn't really typical of someone in my field. Most of the people in my program are female and I tend to get along better with males. I'm also by nature pretty independent, so I haven't bonded with people through commiseration or anything because I'm feeling pretty confident about school and stuff at this point. I knew what I was getting into long ago. So perhaps I'm the exception to the rule. But...I have joined a university committee and I plan to volunteer elsewhere.

Hopefully with time I will click with some people, but I think there is a lot of truth in the idea that those "we're in this together" experiences can really facilitate the development of friendships. However, sometimes the friendships that develop through such circumstances aren't great because eventually, if you don't have the bond of that particular situation to keep you glued toegether anymore, then you may discover that you don't have a lot in common otherwise and then you have difficulties. Ideally you would meet people and just click with them and go from there, but I think you have to meet a lot of different people in order for that to happen (I don't think clicking is that common).

Originally Posted by Globe199

I like the name Minnesota Ice

Actually, I think an even more interesting discussion would be whether post-college adults can make close friends at all. One of my college friends had a theory that deep friendships develop best under situations most easily classified as "we're all in this together" (e.g., college). There may be something to that.

[sparksals]

Originally Posted by Isabel_009

Do you find that many of the newbies stick around, or is there a lot of turnover? I'm just wondering if it's a good way to meet new people, or if the only people who stick around are the hardcore long-term members. I would hate to go and meet people that I would never see again!

Yes, we have many newbies stick around. I was a newbie and I'm still there! lol

Sure, there's turnover in the sense that maybe the location, date or time of a meetup isn't for someone. Maybe they can't come to the annual Halloween party b/c it's in St. Paul and they live in Boonieville, MN.

I can honestly say that we have received great feedback from newbies that they feel welcome and they have a good time and many return for multiple events.

The joy of meetup is that you can see member profiles online, so if you do meet someone you like at an event, but don't see them at the next couple, you can find them on the meetup and send a message or greeting.

The hardcore members are just as friendly as the newbies. There is no caste system at all that the hard core long term members ignore the newbies. The FAC is deliberately set up to be in bars with high table seating to encourage mingling, rather than sitting at one long table. There is always someone designated to welcome anyone new and to introduce them to other people.

The TCT 20th anniversary is in February and will have a large event and the 10th anniversary of the FAC is next year as well, which will also have a large party organized by the person who originated the FAC.

Don't be shy. Give it a try!!

[sparksals]

PS Isabel... I posted in your other threads. I'm also Canadian - from Calgary.

[Isabel_009]

Thanks for the details. I will aim to check it out one of these days.

Originally Posted by sparksals

Yes, we have many newbies stick around. I was a newbie and I'm still there! lol

Sure, there's turnover in the sense that maybe the location, date or time of a meetup isn't for someone. Maybe they can't come to the annual Halloween party b/c it's in St. Paul and they live in Boonieville, MN.

I can honestly say that we have received great feedback from newbies that they feel welcome and they have a good time and many return for multiple events.

The joy of meetup is that you can see member profiles online, so if you do meet someone you like at an event, but don't see them at the next couple, you can find them on the meetup and send a message or greeting.

The hardcore members are just as friendly as the newbies. There is no caste system at all that the hard core long term members ignore the newbies. The FAC is deliberately set up to be in bars with high table seating to encourage mingling, rather than sitting at one long table. There is always someone designated to welcome anyone new and to introduce them to other people.

The TCT 20th anniversary is in February and will have a large event and the 10th anniversary of the FAC is next year as well, which will also have a large party organized by the person who originated the FAC.

Don't be shy. Give it a try!!

[uptown_urbanist]

I think there's a lot to be said for the "we're in this together" thing. My grad school experience was a bit different, I think, as we were a small group in a very intense program (with mostly the same schedule, and most of our time spent in the same place, in a state none of us knew) in an unusual field. When you have kids you also meet people who have the "in this together" mentality; while I haven't yet met any really good friends through parenthood, we at least share some common issues (although a lot of times people don't want to talk about kid-related things), and as new parents, a similar schedule (which with little kids is a huge thing!). I would think it's the same with the newcomer group. Doesn't mean everyone you meet is going to become a good friend, but at least you have something initially to forge a shared bond, spark a conversation, and see where it goes from there.

[sparksals]

Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist

I think there's a lot to be said for the "we're in this together" thing. My grad school experience was a bit different, I think, as we were a small group in a very intense program (with mostly the same schedule, and most of our time spent in the same place, in a state none of us knew) in an unusual field. When you have kids you also meet people who have the "in this together" mentality; while I haven't yet met any really good friends through parenthood, we at least share some common issues (although a lot of times people don't want to talk about kid-related things), and as new parents, a similar schedule (which with little kids is a huge thing!). I would think it's the same with the newcomer group. Doesn't mean everyone you meet is going to become a good friend, but at least you have something initially to forge a shared bond, spark a conversation, and see where it goes from there.

I think you have a major point.

Mommy groups are hugely cohesive. The first thing I checked out when we moved here was 'Newcomers'. My parents made life long friends joining that org when we moved from one city to another just before I started school. Back then, lives didn't revolve around the kids. Parents went out, paid for a sitter and had their own social time.

I was extremely disappointed when I came here, looked up Newcomers and found it is nothing more than a bunch of Mommy groups throughout the metro area.

[Globe199]

Originally Posted by sparksals

I think you have a major point.

Mommy groups are hugely cohesive. The first thing I checked out when we moved here was 'Newcomers'. My parents made life long friends joining that org when we moved from one city to another just before I started school. Back then, lives didn't revolve around the kids. Parents went out, paid for a sitter and had their own social time.

I was extremely disappointed when I came here, looked up Newcomers and found it is nothing more than a bunch of Mommy groups throughout the metro area.

Did you move here for your husband's job?