How will the "Minnesota Nice" receive those that aren't? (Minneapolis: movies, living in)

[northstar22]

I just moved here from Michigan, and I haven't had any problems making friends here - and none of my family is from Minnesota. Everyone is really nice. I'll take 'MN Nice' over 'Chicago Nasty' any day.

[Texas2010]

I was being a bit facetious in saying three generations--- just trying to get my point across. Like I said though, I think area plays a huge part. Just come with a positive attitude, and you'll adjust okay!

[MN55]

Originally Posted by rcsteiner

Except for the core cities and a few suburban exceptions (Hopkins), the Twin Cities metro has only been around for a couple of generations.

My parents live in an "older" area of Minnetonka built around 1960, so everyone living there initially was a transplant of sorts.

Well I guess the three places in MN I've lived (St. Paul, White Bear Lake, and Hibbbing) are some of the oldest towns in the state so I'm probably more exposed to the long-term families than others.

[golfgal]

Originally Posted by MN55

The thing is, you are pretty much dead on.

Conversations typically are about:
-50% weather
-25% when you're going up north next
-20% Twins/Vikings/Golf
-5% How the local High School/Youth hockey teams are doing

Not that I mind it, I absolutely love Minnesota. You got a pretty good handle down on 95% of Minnesotans. We like it and aren't changing. You don't. Move.

(That's my east-coast impression of being blunt. Basically the above person is correct. MN is a great place for others and not as good for others. It obviosuly isn't your kind of place. It has less to do with the people here being wrong and more to do with the fact that you're just in the wrong place for you)

Ok, I will give you the weather, but EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE talks about weather. Obviously golf is a topic in our house and occasionally the Twins/Vikings but RARELY does anyone we know talk about going up north nor does anyone we know talk about their high school hockey team unless they happen to be in the state tournament and you mention you went to high school there.

[MN55]

Maybe you don't but you can't say nobody talks about hs hockey:
HighSchoolHockeyForums.com ::

[uptown_urbanist]

I'd agree that everyone talks about the weather. It is probably the one single topic in MN that everyone will talk about, and given the seasons and the weird ups and downs (especially in the spring and fall), at least there's always something to comment on. But the rest of it: pro sports, youth hockey, or whatever else depends on circle of friends, and I assume to some extent specific neighborhood or city.

Although admittedly I'd be happy to talk about when I'm going up north next, but given that I don't have a cabin, many of my friends don't own cabins, and I don't have any vacation plans (north or not) finalized yet, that wouldn't be much of a conversation. My instinct would be that the same groups of people who have lived in the state for generations are also the ones who are the most likely to own cabins; the people I do know who own cabins seem to be the ones who have family who bought them (or at least the land) a long time ago. Since I can't go back in time and buy up lake property when it was cheap I'm out of luck on that front, at least at this point in life. Live in MN long enough and you'll probably get invited to visit one, though. And they are definitely part of the broader historic MN culture, though. (check out the book Minnesota Vacation Days: An Illustrated History, to get in the mood!)

[5cleves]

I originally started this post with concern over how my children will be received after our approaching move--thanks to those who reassured me. I will also keep an open mind about the adults I meet. But honestly (and perhaps too bluntly?) after posting two questions on this site my concerns are mounting.

First I ask about how budget cuts and focus on testing are effecting districts ("specific school district information please") and in response received, "why are you even asking this question?" and then a sarcastic : "wow, I didn't know we had these kind of problems here, have we turned into..." I think that question was legitimate yet it was met with some sort of hostility to the fact that I even suggested there may be issues.

Then I ask about HOW MY CHILDREN WILL BE RECEIVED, an issue I had not read about before and certainly feel was a fair question--and again I am made to feel like I have angered people by just asking. If anyone responded with a negative response that person has been attacked as socially misalligned--or told to go home --or we go on and on about what really must be wrong with these people and what they should have done differently. Some waffle and say maybe it's just certain parts of the city that are easier to fit into than others--not very specific but I get the impression that if I move to the central parts, where there are more non-natives, I will be more accepted. Wow. Stick to my own kind, is it?

Also, I asked how a person who "speaks their mind" would be accepted (again, I'd only read that Minnesotans don't) and I was told that I must be a rude person to even have to ask.

I have lived in 3 different regions of this country. All have different cultures and all have their local pride. Some have had hostility towards different groups moving in (immigrants in southern CA, snowbirds in AZ). But never have I experienced people who completely refuse to accept the possibility that there IS an issue or belittle those that claim they've have had one.

Thank you to those that have given me open minded responses (including contradictory) to my questions. I truly am grateful for the help. I apologize to those who feel I have been too outspoken but I do feel the need to stand up for myself and others who have stated their opinion/concerns/questions and received such distrust. Hopefully it's just this site!

[uptown_urbanist]

So... are you saying Minnesotans are too blunt?

I think most people do take your question seriously, but are likely sensitive because they are tired of sweeping generalizations made about an entire state. The Twin Cities has several million people; there will be some people you like, some you don't, but with time and some effort everyone should be able to find others who share common interests. I know it can be tough to meet people, but I don't know how much of that can be based on regional personality traits; I'd say much more of it is due to the fact that so many Americans are really busy with work and family obligations and simply don't have as much time to socialize as they used to.

I can't speak for anyone else, but when I have suggested that there must be variations within the state and metro area it's only because I've never found it to be difficult to meet new people. Granted, I was born and raised in Minneapolis (to non-Minnesotan parents), but since I didn't meet most of my friends as a kid (and have plenty of friends from elsewhere) I can at least say that, in my experience, you don't lose hope of finding friends if you don't make them by age four. I've done an informal poll with my non-MN friends and relative and they haven't run into excessive problems either. Obviously some people on this forum have run into problems, and throwing out the regional variation possibility was just a theory. I think it's equally possible that people move to the suburbs when they have kids or have already established social networks, and while many of them are undoubtedly open to the idea of having new friends, they just run into scheduling problems. It's not a "stick with your own kind" thing, just that areas that have more residents also learning their way around town means more people who might have more open schedules and who are more actively looking to meet new people.

[Transplant5126]

Originally Posted by 5cleves

I am made to feel like I have angered people by just asking. If anyone responded with a negative response that person has been attacked as socially misalligned--or told to go home --or we go on and on about what really must be wrong with these people and what they should have done differently. Some waffle and say maybe it's just certain parts of the city that are easier to fit into than others--not very specific but I get the impression that if I move to the central parts, where there are more non-natives, I will be more accepted. Wow. Stick to my own kind, is it?

You have angered people by asking. This is a quote from another article on the subject of MN nice:

There's a rule here in Minnesota, unspoken and unwritten though it may be. It is: no matter how angry, frustrated, irritated or bent out of shape you may be regarding the actions of others, you must stoically remain silent and steadfastly refuse to show any displeasure whatsoever.

5cleves – Thank you for sticking up for all of us who have tried to answer your question honestly so you could make an informed decision about where you were moving to. Just so you know I live and work in downtown Minneapolis. I work at a firm with over 100 employees and off the top off my head I can’t name a single person that I work with who isn’t from MN, IA, ND, SD, or Wisconsin.

Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist

Granted, I was born and raised in

Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist

Minneapolis

Exactly why you are not a good person to be answering this question – you really don’t know what it is like to be a transplant in Minneapolis.

Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist

I've done an informal poll with my non-MN friends and relative and they haven't run into excessive problems either.

Excessive? In another post in response to one of my earlier posts you mention “if you live here long enough” – who has time to wait years for people to finally accept you because you are now considered “Minnesotan” – why can’t you accept people for who they are and the variety that a transplant brings to your city…

Also, maybe they didn’t want to tell you what they really thought…out of fear of being ostracized.

5cleves – here are some other articles/posts outside of City-Data that I found when I started looking online for answers as to why I was having such a hard time making friends in Minneapolis. Good luck and I hope you make the right decision for you.

As for the rest of the nasty comments I will likely get in response to this post – don’t worry I am moving from Minneapolis as soon as I possibly can!

start

I have been having such a difficult time in the Twin Cities. I moved here 1 year ago. I am a chef. I grew up in New Orleans. I have lived in Munich and New York. I have traveled to over 32 countries in the world and have seen most of the USA. Minnesota wins the prize. It is the absolute Worst Place on Earth! (Even Moscow in the winter is better!)

The people are xenophobic, socially inept, passive/agressive, petty, rude, lacking in style and grace, narrow minded, and yet, completely delusional about how great they are. They create the standard by which they wish to be graded and then grade themselves; giving themselves Grade A, naturally! The questions is, are they great or grate??
end

start
There's a rule here in Minnesota, unspoken and unwritten though it may be. It is: no matter how angry, frustrated, irritated or bent out of shape you may be regarding the actions of others, you must stoically remain silent and steadfastly refuse to show any displeasure whatsoever.
Oh, you ran over my foot? Twice? With a train? No problem. Off you go, you little scamp. Godspeed and good health to you. *cheery wave*
You can always tell when you're dealing with a non-native Minnesotan, because they end up speaking their mind, which is just a horrifying concept to a Minnesotan. You said what you think? How RUDE!
Minnesotans know it's not nice to call someone "Minnesota nice." It's a synonym for phoniness and passive aggression. And Minnesota playwright Syl Jones says he's uncovered the roots of Minnesota nice. He traces it all back to the Scandinavian immigrants who settled here more than a century ago. Jones argues in this essay that his discovery goes a long way toward explaining all kinds of strange Minnesota phenomena.
end

start
Syl Jones: In the 1930s, a Danish-Norwegian novelist, Aksel Sandemose, described the unwritten laws that governed his fictional town of Jante. He listed 11 so-called Janteloven, or Jante laws, but three are enough to give you an idea:
Don't think that you are special.
Don't think that you are good at anything.
Sound familiar? It should. Jante Law explains a lot of what goes on in Minnesota. Former Gov. Wendell Anderson met his downfall because people thought he'd forgotten to act like he wasn't anything special. Former Gov. Jesse Ventura enjoyed initial success because he appealed to people who thought the political establishment had nothing to teach them. Unfortunately, he also forgot to act like he wasn't anything special. These principles, which may have been intended to maintain a measure of egalitarianism back in the old country, find their cultural expression in what we call Minnesota Nice. People who have grown up with it know that Minnesota Nice doesn't have all that much to do with being nice. It's more about keeping up appearances, about keeping the social order, about keeping people in their place.
But in a meritocracy like the United States, such principles can make us feel just a little "less than" everyone else, and also like we're groping in the dark when it comes to communicating. The message is, "Don't Go Thinking You're Exceptional" even if you are. It's probably NOT a good idea to stare at yourself in the mirror all day long, but still, it wouldn't hurt if people were a little more direct.
Of course, many Minnesota residents today don't come from a Scandinavian background. Yet, there's something contagious about Janteloven. It's tempting for people of all backgrounds to pretend to be nice when they aren't. In fact, part of that famous Minnesota charm - the part that can actually lull you to sleep, if you're not careful -- is the idea that things are, well, just fine around here, thank you very much. Even if the roads are crumbling, health care is declining, and the school systems are running out of money. Better just to pretend that everything's A-OK.
But don't worry. I'm not trying to change anything or anyone. In fact, I agree with you: We're all pretty much the same. Have a nice day.
http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2009/12/14/syljones/
/end

[west336]

Seriously, there are 3 million people in the metro area....you have to try REAL hard to not meet anyone with the same interests as yourself! Try posting this question in all of the other places you would like to live in and see if the results vary a lot. Unless they are boosting their own town, they'll probably react similarly. As far as friendliness goes, if you want to make a "sweeping generalization", you could maybe connect that since this state is in the Midwest and it's not a mecca for people who base their livelihood on the weather, you may find that people here are less eccentric than people in say Phoenix, Vegas or LA.