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I wouldn't say that you need to be desperate to do this. I've pointed out before that the best way to meet people in the TC is to hang out at a local bar, but that idea got scoffed at (Why?) That DOES NOT mean that you need to be a raging alcoholic, nor the people that you will meet, but Minnesotans seem to like to socialize around beer.
I also get the impression that a majority of folks on here who are having problems meeting people are of the professional type. Professionals are all about networking, and that might work in the business environment, but on a human scale it is the wrong way to go. Trying to network through singles clubs, planned activities and socials-what ever-seem a little too desperate and tend to attract shy or socially awkward people.
My entire group of friends was made either directly or indirectly through the first restaurant that I got a job at in MPLS back in 1999.
That's an Upper Midwest thing. Going to the local bar (down the street ) after work. If that works for the uneducated crowd, so be it. It doesn't work for me, and never has, even when I was in my early 20s in Washington, as in DC. As for the others here - the so-called professional set - yea, well they are pretty much set. They have their family members, who are from Minnesota, they have their friends from middle school, may even marry them, and they don't need anyone else in their lives. That is probably the downtown crowd, if they're from here. Otherwise, the professional transplants will eventually move out. Even when I attended post-baccalaureate classes here, I figured that may be different. People would be more open. Nah. They all scattered out the doors to their family members. The relationship, in the workplace or the classroom, doesn't go beyond that, which may explain why many in the area have a difficult time separating home from work - playing too much at work, engaging in too many playful conversations, handling personal business at work - all of which should be done on their own personal and free time. I noticed that a lot here. People would want to use your time (while getting groceries, shopping, etc.) while they were at these places working - ever experienced having to wait for someone to ring up your groceries because the cashier is talking with one his/her friends he hasn't seen in awhile? It's been my experience that many people from this area don't want to spend their personal and free time with others - unless those others are their family members or friends from long ago. I was even told recently by a co-worker, "Hey, I'll show you now to knit. Just bring your stuff into work." I thought, "no, I won't do that. Work is for work. You could ask me over for dinner and learn knitting after that, but nah, why do on your personal time which you can get away with on your employers' time? I knew someone who is from France. She lives in Plymouth. One day she was using a wheel barrel to remove some dirt. So, neighbors did stop by to offer assistance with their barrels, and to show some gratitude, she sent out invitations to a house party - full of meat, etc. Not one person showed up. The house party was for a week later. That is rude. Call it you Jante laws or whatever. It is plain rude behavior. Obviously, many people from this area have inherited a cultural trait that is lacking in good social skills. Yet, those of us from other areas are told on our jobs that we have to work on OUR interpersonal skills, because our mannerisms are deemed to be offensive, in your face, abrasive, invading your personal space. I don't put up walls when someone approaches me to talk to me. I welcome that in my space. I don't step back 20 feet. I welcome them. Growing up people were always welcome into our home. We didn't leave the delivery guy (whether it was the UPS man, the African-American dry cleaner delivery man - and this was 1970s where discrimination was still in the forefront, or the newspaper boy) outside. He came in and waited until we handed him the money or signatures. I have neighbors, who have known me for 3 years, who still talk to me while they are inside their drawn doors, and I'm in the hall. I find that very offensive and ill-mannered. My wealthier grandparents were always welcome to parties by my far less wealthier father's relatives, and vice versa. I've noticed here how one's parents would never consider inviting an in-law over to the home, even for a backyard picnic. Furthermore, I find it unconscionable that years ago some families here had grandchildren of both Norwegian and Irish ancestry, and the Norwegian grandparents would not associate with the Irish grandchildren. I was told by an Italian woman whose husband was Norwegian. His mother never spoke to her, until 20 years later when she fell ill and it was the daughter-in-law who came to her aid, not her own children. Sadly, those traits have been passed down to the present generations.
Ok...........what ever. I guess that you are a big shot and above the typical working class. You sir, are indeed a very special person. Congrats.
I make $29,000 a year. I have substantial student loan debt. And, I know of some neighbors who make more than I since they brag about their long term jobs and wages, with less debt (no education) yet never have any money (I know who they always borrow it from, can't making it from paycheck to paycheck) since they **** it all away at the bars on Hennepin and Lyndale. And, I'm a woman, not a sir. You can call me ma'am. I have also taken "*****" as a compliment.
Ok...........what ever. I guess that you are a big shot and above the typical working class. You sir, are indeed a very special person. Congrats.
Also I don't consider myself a very special person. Interesting a new co worker mentioned how special she was since she is "incredibly Norwegian." I thought that was pretty arrogant and offensive. But, probably normal for her type.
As for the 'what ever' remark. How Fargo of you!! I also take that common response around here indicating a lack of speaking and writing skills to further express one's opinion.
Oh, and have a nice day!!!! That is common, too, meant well or not.
Where is my favorite Star Tribune columnist, Syl Jones, with all of this. He's usually right on the mark about the local culture.
I will brag and boast about something I've done however, certainly not related to ethnicity, since I feel that people earn their talents and "specialness", not just by being born into a certain "master race" (Think the history books on this subject.) I've had letters to the editors published to various newspapers (Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, Pioneer Press, Philadelphia Inquirer) and magazines (Minneapolis/St Paul and Newsweek - yes the national news weekly). I think there's a few I haven't mentioned, but I don't feel like walking over to the file cabinet to look at my "published articles" folder which I keep in the bigger folder - Articles of Advice.
It seems like the people having the hardest time meeting new people are also the people with the worst attitudes. If their real life personalities are anything like their online personalities, I can see why they are having problems. Just an observation.
It seems like the people having the hardest time meeting new people are also the people with the worst attitudes. If their real life personalities are anything like their online personalities, I can see why they are having problems. Just an observation.
If you're referring to me, for one, I have a pretty nice, welcoming personality. I will always welcome people into my home. In fact I had two Somali women in my home a week ago. Met one at the bank and offered on-line job application assistance. I told her if she wanted, she could bring someone, too, which she did. They spent about three hours, we had a very nice time. I had ordered a large pizza, too, before their arrival, since I knew I'd be hungry and would certainly not eat in front of anyone. I have NEVER received that kind of treatment here. I did receive that kind of treatment while living in DC (northern Virginia) and certainly in Richmond, Virginia. I came here, was receptive to people, and THOUGHT they were receptive to me. Oh, they loved talking to me while on their jobs, and I was at the grocery store. Sometimes I would stay a long time since they seemed to enjoy my company so well. I would walk away wondering why I NEVER got an invitation to their homes. I realized a year later, people don't have the proper social skills in his area to welcome non-family members into their homes. I have offered neighbors rides (who seemed to never be able to pay back the gas expense for taking them 40 miles out of my way, round trip.) Frugality to a fault is also a problem with this area, too. I have been open minded on jobs, willing to share and talk with people, but do you really want to know what I got in return: being too friendly, too helpful, or not fitting in with the culture, or not having the proper interpersonal skills, which means - I'm too friendly. In fact, a good friend, a Minnesotan married to an Iranian, has been reprimanded for that on her job, too, but she gets away with it, because she's from the area, and she realizes that. That good OLE Minnesota work ethic and we don't need help mentality. We can do it ourselves. We're tough people. Is it too friendly to say good morning and how are you in the morning. In fact on a job, when a good OLE boy was trying to line up a ride to a service station to pick up his car, I mentioned I was going right by it and could drop him off. Oh, he tightened up, stepped back his 20 feet to enlarge his personal space (he was already on the other side of the room), and said, "oh, no thanks, I can handle it." Up to that point, he didn't have a ride. And, I worked with this person for a month before that. So, tell me, how do you people even perpetuate yourselves? But, then again, I should know that answer. It's all in the family.
Last edited by Brantacanadensis; 11-22-2007 at 04:41 PM..
Reason: grammar
Location: Mableton, GA USA (NW Atlanta suburb, 4 miles OTP)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by viva minnesota
i am in the same situation...i gave up on trying to meet people ,it is hard to be accepted in their little circle...very strange.
In my case, my own "little circle" is the end result of 18 years of growing up in the Twin Cities, going to college in a nearby town (Mankato in my case), and then living in the Twin Cities for another 15+ years, and it's actually in college where I met perhaps half of my inner circle of friends. We're all mostly still in touch, even after 20-25 years.
The rest are folks I met growing up, met at work, met through other friends, or met via my wife, with a couple of exceptions picked up through common activities.
Of course, I'm in Atlanta now, but I still have a general question: how did you (or other folks in this thread) end up trying to meet people?
You generally have to have something in common with someone in order to click, and simple physical proximity usually isn't enough.
For me, it doesn't take much to get my attention; if I find you interesting at all, I'll talk. But I need something to actually catch my attention in order to be interested long-term because I already have a few dozen other people wanting a small part of my schedule, and I also value my alone time (and my time with my wife!).
Not everyone who is in an established circle and an established relationship or family has the time to do much beyond saying hello and engaging in surface social niceties. That's an unfortunate thing at times, but it's also reality.
Last edited by rcsteiner; 11-23-2007 at 02:36 AM..
Location: Mableton, GA USA (NW Atlanta suburb, 4 miles OTP)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brantacanadensis
I came here, was receptive to people, and THOUGHT they were receptive to me. Oh, they loved talking to me while on their jobs, and I was at the grocery store. Sometimes I would stay a long time since they seemed to enjoy my company so well. I would walk away wondering why I NEVER got an invitation to their homes. I realized a year later, people don't have the proper social skills in his area to welcome non-family members into their homes.
FWIW, we don't invite that many people to our home, and I've never been to the homes of many of the folks I've know, even folks that I've considered very good friends for many years.
Perhaps what you're seeing is little more than a difference in culture?
My wife and I have a life of our own, we're both somewhat private people, we're both very poor at housecleaning (so our house is usually quite cluttered), and having a guest over (especially for the first time) results in a lot of fuss and bother.
When we get together with friends, it's usually either at some outside location, or it's at the house of friends we have in common who actually LIKE to entertain and have better facilities available for doing such. We don't, usually, unless the house has actually been cleaned first.
That pattern seems to be true of many of the people we know, both up in the Twin Cities and down here in Atlanta.
The lack of invitations might have nothing to do with you at all, but might just reflect the way those people are. I admit that I find the expectation to be invited to someone's home to be just a bit strange. Why would you expect that?
Location: Mableton, GA USA (NW Atlanta suburb, 4 miles OTP)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K-Luv
I wouldn't say that you need to be desperate to do this. I've pointed out before that the best way to meet people in the TC is to hang out at a local bar, but that idea got scoffed at (Why?) That DOES NOT mean that you need to be a raging alcoholic, nor the people that you will meet, but Minnesotans seem to like to socialize around beer.
I'm not a beer fan, but I agree that some bars can be excellent places to meet people. Go to a sports bar and actively root for a non-local team; that'll get you all sorts of attention, not all of it negative (especially if you aren't rooting against the local team at the same time ).
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Cultural Oddities
But I need something to actually catch my attention in order to be interested long-term because I already have a few dozen other people wanting a small part of my schedule, and I also value my alone time (and my time with my wife!).
