Meeting people in Minneapolis... (Duluth: fit in, transplants, houses)

[MSMCGirl]

I relocated to the Twin Cities from Los Angeles 1 year ago and it is SO hard to make friends!! People here are "Minnesota nice" for the most part (meaning they're not mean)...but they're not friendly or very welcoming. I work downtown and it's so hard to get a smile or "hello" from people. It might be because people in L.A. move around more and this naturally makes them more outgoing...while Minnesotans stay put and stick with their long time friends instead of seeking new friends.

Does anyone have any ideas on making friends with Minnesotans??? I REALLY love living here but being friendless is not fun.

[grace1202]

What are your interests/hobbies?

[golfgal]

What have you done to meet people? Have you joined any clubs, a church, done some charity work or anything like that to get to know anyone? How about people you work with, have you asked anyone to go out to a movie or a club anytime. No matter where you live, people are not going to send invitations for you to get to know people, you have to make the effort. If you like to run, find a running club, if you like photography, find a photography club. These are the best ways to meet people.

[ModUptwnGrl]

I have found the same situation many times (re: making friends in MN) - and I grew up in Minnesota!
I think that ppl around the city (in general) just aren't open to meeting ppl randomly - they're busy, maybe a little cautious, and already have their circles.
Growing up in a smaller-sized city, I saw that the ppl who stayed there from high school (came back after college) kept their circles, and I thought it was mostly a small-town thing.
However, once I moved to the Twin Cities for work & school after living out of state for several years (college, etc), I have also encountered this 'wall' of existing social circles. I have made friends through work and my classes, yes, but beyond a few happy hours & at-home parties, not much has transpired. Not for lack of trying, let me tell you, and not for being a social misfit either. I have suggested outings, movies, events, at-home things... but if it wasn't after work, it wouldn't fit in their schedules. Why? Because all of these friends (good people, i might add) have their nights and weekends booked with their college friends &/or "couple friends" that make up their regular group. They have BBQs, go to cabins (or bigger trips), do scheduled athletic things (classes, training, informal leagues) - with the group.
It really got me thinking that I must be an unentertaining, nerdy wuss to 1)never be included in such things and 2)rarely have an invitation accepted & an event planned.
But then I realized - they would just rather hang out with their group/posse/clique. Those words normally carry negative connotations, but I don't mean them that way. It's a good thing to feel at home, have a sphere, have somewhat of a routine.
So all right. I accept that it's not gonna happen with these people. I won't stop what I have going now with them, and I won't stop extending social invitations to other people I encounter.
So good luck to you, MSMCgirl, and all other transplants - Minnesotan and otherwise.

To echo what the others posted... find a way to do what interests you individually... and hopefully meet some like-minded ppl in a club for it.
-at the gym: yoga - kick-boxing - pick up games
-team sports: Community Sports Connection supposedly organizes teams for kickball, volleyball, etc. and you can join individually & be added to a team, I think... I've actually been meaning to do this!! Want to join a kickball or vball team with me? hahaha.
-singles: Events & Adventures. Too bad it's only for single ppl! I don't think they let in unmarried-but-attached ppl like myself.
Hmmm. And there's always myspace.

[jenne03]

As someone who MAY be moving to Minnesota in the near future..hearing that Minnesotans are closed off from new people worries me. However, i think people being with the friends they met awhile back happens everywhere. It is similar here in Maryland.

However, here in Maryland there are people from all over the place so you find a few...Usually the ones that have recently moved here.. that are looking for the same thing...making friends.But that is one my biggest concerns, I want to be in a place where people watch out for each other and get into a neighborhood where people let you in..as opposed to here in md where we have houses upon houses but yet we don't know each other. I also live in an area where if you don't have a hummer or escalade...than you not worthy.

Since i came from a place where making friends was easy..I am miserable here in Md.

I came from pitt..where i was welcomed as soon as i moved in...and invited to all the girls get togethers ...and made great friends there who I still get together with...It scares me that maybe it was a unique situation..which i will never be able to get back..

[golfgal]

We have moved several times to different areas of Minnesota, although not to downtown Minneapolis, and have never had a problem meeting new people. It does take time and effort but we have met many wonderful people all over the state.

[MidniteBreeze]

As a born and bred Minnesotan who moved away and then came back (to a different town), here's my take on the whole "making friends" thing:

Minnesota is one of those places where a lot of people's families have been here forever. I grew up in Duluth (a medium-sized city) and though of course people came and went through my school years, I STILL have friends from elementary school! I don't think people are necessarily trying to "shun" newcomers....but I guess a person just isn't as motivated to reach out to new people if the group of friends you currently have--who you've known forever--already meets your social needs. Making and maintaining friendships takes work, and I guess maybe in today's busy world, people just aren't as willing to put the time and effort into anything "extra" in their lives if they don't have to?

Another thing that you have to understand about Minnesotans is we are (as a rule) pretty independent and absolutely HATE imposing on people. This includes putting people in awkward social positions. For example, Bob from work might want to invite you out for drinks with the gang after work, but he's not sure if you really want to go and doesn't want you to feel "obligated." Or maybe Bob thinks you WOULD like to go, but since he and his work buddies have known each other for 10 years, he doesn't want you to be bored listening to a bunch of stories about people you don't know. I know it sounds weird, but people actually DO think like that!

Now, as for friendships outside of Minnesota...when I moved to Colorado I found it was very easy to make friends. Lots of transplants out there, so lots of people looking to get their social needs met. One thing I found though, is the friendships I had there didn't seem as "deep" or long lasting as the friendships I had established "back home". I moved back here 2 years ago and have had a hard time keeping in touch with some of my Colorado friends. An odd email once or twice a year and that's about it. I think people who live in more "transient" areas are just used to people coming and going out of their lives, so maybe they don't get as "attached?"

On the other hand, when I moved back here, I found that many of my frienships were still intact, even after being gone for 5 years. Even though some of our friends live miles away, in different parts of the state, we still get together for camping trips, BBQs, weekend parties and that sort of thing pretty frequently.

But as far as meeting "new" people where I live now (away from my hometown) I did kind of get a taste for what a "newcomer" must feel like. I'm starting to make some "real" frienships at work (beyond the usual freindly office chit-chat), but it HAS taken a while.

I guess the bottom line is this: while it might be harder to "establish" a group of friends here, the good news is, once you do, you'll probably have them for life.

[angelaf]

I think ModUptwnGrl is right... I have a good friend who lives in Uptown and whenever my fiancé and I go to parties at his house, we get this kind of "unwelcomed" feeling by most of the people there... granted, these are people we don't really know, and usually the crowd is different people each time, but most of these people seem to have kind of a snobbish, uber-cool hipster attitude towards "outsiders." There are a few exceptions, and we've met some people who are friendly, but no friendships have ever developed from these parties. Not everyone has this experience, obviously. I think it might be more common in the early-twenties group... Gen. Y or X?? Can't remember... but these are people who have spent most or all of their lives in the TC area and they seem to feel superior to those of us who don't live there. Sorry, I have no idea how to get past this... but I've noticed it too!

[MidniteBreeze]

As an "outstate" (non-metro) Minnesotan, I can sympathize. I always felt like a "hick" going to the cities and I'm not from THAT small of a town! (roughly 100,000 people in my home "metro" area.) I think people are generally friendlier in the smaller cities and towns in MN...definitely much more polite anyway. REALLY small towns can be strange places though...if you weren't born there AND have at least one relative in the local graveyard, you'll NEVER be "from" there, lol.

[adavis]

I've lived in MN all my life and know that Minneasotan's love new comers.
I do realize that it's difficult to meet people. Where you work is the perfect place to begin. Downtown is full of scummy people but if you look deep you'll find beatuiful individuals. Try meetings people in Uptown or if your under 30 try Dinky town. Also if you enjoy going out for drinks or Happy hour there are a handful of places to choose from. Try looking in the City Pages, it lists concerts, clubs, bars, events, etc. around the city, you should be able to fine something.