The Guide for Making Friends in Minnesota for Outsiders (Fridley: neighbourhood, schools)

[AbqTeacher]

Originally Posted by StilltheSame

Abq Teacher - Why bother? I suggest trying to connect with transplants- they get it. They realize that it's not all MN, all the time. They are not defensive and might not be appalled simply because you laugh too excessively. Imagine that!

Beenhere4ever is an accurate screen name and an even more accurate demonstration of why you are wasting your time on trying to connect with people who do not want to. The transplant population is here and looking to connect and like you, looking to make friends who will live in many different areas throughout their lives - but willing to make friends outside of their tightknit family and friends from childhood. Imagine that!

That's where the little progress I've made so far has been- with the few transplants in the area. The closest I've found is a friend from Wisconsin But yeah, there seems to be a lot of state-centeredness.

Some acquaintances were discussing where they should do a spring break camping trip- they were thinking about going to the Boundary Waters since they go there every year. I casually suggested possibly the Black Hills or Teddy Roosevelt NP and they looked at me like I was crazy and said "those places aren't even in Minnesota".

In contrast, during a short time in Utah my co-workers and I wouldn't think twice about driving down to NM, circling up through Colorado, and coming back to Utah in a long weekend. Heck even in Illinois we'd drive to Missouri and explore there for the heck of it.

[Glenfield]

Originally Posted by AbqTeacher

Annnnnnd the bolded stuff shows why I don't think I'll be staying here once I'm done with grad school. From my experience it seems like everyone has been looking for a reason to NOT get involved or friendly with a newcomer- it feels a lot like a "guilty until proven innocent" mentality. It's great to have close relationships with family and friends that have lasted for years. It's not so great to be so adverse to meeting new people and going outside your comfort zone that you develop a national reputation for being distant and aloof.

For comparison (and I'm totally breaking a Minnesota commandment here), I've spent 5 months here so far and have maybe found one person that I can talk to regarding something other than pleasantries and small talk- and she's originally from Wisconsin. In contrast, last year I spent 3 months in Utah and made lifelong friends that I still take time to visit several times a year.

I've been trying hard to develop good relations, and I'll keep trying, but too much more of this "you have to pass our pre-ordained cold-shoulder probationary period before we talk to you" and I'll throw in the towel. Maybe I just laugh too excessively.

That said, thanks to the OP for the informational post. Definitely good info for those who have no choice but to deal with their situation.

I can see how that could be a problem if you had some kind of an annoying laugh. Kinda like that Janice character on Friends. As I recall, no one liked her that much.

[rcsteiner]

Originally Posted by AbqTeacher

That's where the little progress I've made so far has been- with the few transplants in the area. The closest I've found is a friend from Wisconsin But yeah, there seems to be a lot of state-centeredness.

Look at what surrounds Minnesota on three sides.

Seriously. We used to go to Ontario for fishing trips, but there isn't much within an easily drivable distance from the Twin Cities outside of Minnesota and Wisconsin.

Yes, there are a few destinations in Iowa and the Dakotas, but not in comparison to in-state options or those found in the neighboring state to the east. Canada is 300+ miles. The Black Hills are 600 miles away. Chicago? 400miles plus or minus. Far easier to drive locally, or bounce to somewhere in northern or central Wisconsin.

When there are dozens of destinations within 150 miles or so, why go further, especially if you're talking about a weekend trip. We don't even do that down here, and Atlanta is a lot "closer" to neighboring resources than the Twin Cities is.

[stl_mdwst81]

Originally Posted by AbqTeacher

That's where the little progress I've made so far has been- with the few transplants in the area. The closest I've found is a friend from Wisconsin But yeah, there seems to be a lot of state-centeredness.

Some acquaintances were discussing where they should do a spring break camping trip- they were thinking about going to the Boundary Waters since they go there every year. I casually suggested possibly the Black Hills or Teddy Roosevelt NP and they looked at me like I was crazy and said "those places aren't even in Minnesota".

In contrast, during a short time in Utah my co-workers and I wouldn't think twice about driving down to NM, circling up through Colorado, and coming back to Utah in a long weekend. Heck even in Illinois we'd drive to Missouri and explore there for the heck of it.

People not wanting to leave seems to be everywhere but it's a good thing I stumbled across this one comment. It's exactly the type thing that gets old here in Missouri. I like to go out and explore a bit and people look at me like I'm crazy if I visit a distant STATE park in the SAME state. Social circles are really small but people do open up fairly well. Ive always had good luck talking with people when I met them climbing or doing things related to other similar interests. I'm considering moving to MSP since ive had about enough of STL but I can understand. We've had people from Minnesota talk about how hard it is to make friends here. I'm from STL and I have trouble making friends here; everyone has made their little nest of boredom in the suburbs so Im hoping MSP is not quite the same. Everyone I have met from up North has always been really nice.

[xandrex]

Originally Posted by StilltheSame

Abq Teacher - Why bother? I suggest trying to connect with transplants- they get it. They realize that it's not all MN, all the time. They are not defensive and might not be appalled simply because you laugh too excessively. Imagine that!

Beenhere4ever is an accurate screen name and an even more accurate demonstration of why you are wasting your time on trying to connect with people who do not want to. The transplant population is here and looking to connect and like you, looking to make friends who will live in many different areas throughout their lives - but willing to make friends outside of their tightknit family and friends from childhood. Imagine that!

Let's be fair...Minnesotans aren't homogenous. Plenty of us are open to new friends (I know I always am...I can be a bit shy, but I don't not take new people in if we actually connect). Plenty of us laugh and leave the bubble of home.

And we have plenty of transplants. No, we're not NYC or LA or any other flashy place. But when Abq mentions making a friend from Wisconsin as if that's some sort of "transplant" who sees the reality of Minnesota...really? A lot of my friends are from Wisconsin and they're just as bad--if not worse in some ways--with the passive aggressive and aloof behaviors. It's not a Minnesota thing...it's a Midwest thing. We're often more reserved than the coasts (shocking, I know, since we're frequently chastised for being "flyover country") and many stay in the area because they like it. That can mean sometimes have more time requirements since you've already got your built-in network. But it's not like a transplant magically can keep adding more and more and more friends. At some point they too will plateau.

[chessgeek]

I think if I moved back to MN it would be relatively easy to make friends and I believe the same is true for people moving to MN for the first time. As for this connecting on a deep, personal level, how often does anyone do that any more in our fast paced world with cell phones, texting and silly reality shows. The entire USA (not just MN) with few exceptions is "guilty" of less of that. Heck, husbands and wives may connect on their anniversary and each of their birthdays in this country (and not much else) and you want that from people you just met!!!? (cynical, but really true if you think about it).

I don't think you have to virtually walk through eggshells as Missourian is suggesting and be ultra careful about not offending someone. Just use common sense.

Maybe stay away from political or religion debate (but even that was an exception with the propositions there last year). I think you can differ on how you think the sports teams will do, or you can tell someone you did not like a restaurant that they liked and they will not freak out or anything, believe me! They may ask what you ordered and say "Sorry to hear that", etc. They are open minded and tolerant people. They do believe in respecting a person's space and that should never be interpreted as aloof.

People that moved to Minnesota 40 or 50 years ago were pressured to eat lutefisk and no one under the age of 60 with their sanity intact will ask you to eat it, because they can't even fathom it themselves. I also apologize to anyone about to eat a meal that I mentioned it here! So the least you can do is be grateful they have not asked you to eat that stuff. See, Minnesotans are not set in their ways about everything. They don't eat lutefisk anymore (not the sane ones)!

The vibe I get when I visit MN, AbqTeacher, is totally diifferent than you describe. I realize visiting and living somewhere are two different things.

[uptown_urbanist]

I don't think one can reasonably say there are only a "few" transplants in the area. Only about half of Minneapolis residents were born in Minnesota (no idea what percentage is from the Twin Cities originally, but presumably some of that number includes people who moved here from elsewhere in the state.) So even if you ONLY were friends with people who were from elsewhere -- and that seems like a weird kind of litmus test, and how do you know right away where someone is from, anyway? -- that still leaves LOTS of people for your potential friendship pool!

[Teak]

Teak's advice for making friends anywhere:

1. Move there.
2. Live your life.

Obsessing over making friends might indicate the inability to make friends, perhaps? People who like me, like me for me. If I have to be something else for them to like me, it isn't worth it.

[Sarimn00]

That sounds about right.

Oh, and when all else fails, bring up the weather.

[Teak]

Originally Posted by Sarimn00

That sounds about right.

Oh, and when all else fails, bring up the weather.

True that. Avoid talk about sensitive, divisive topics, like politics, religion, and the Green Bay Packers.