Is It Really That Hard to Make Friends in Minnesota? (Minneapolis: to live, groceries)

[moving123456]

Originally Posted by SassyBelle

This conversation is probably scaring a bunch of people from visiting or moving here.

Is that a bad thing?

[pirate_lafitte]

I was just talking to someone from Minneapolis just now. I didn't have any problems.

[TJF]

I think it's sad that a few people described their experiences and some others from Minnesota were so offended they had to get totally defensive and insulting! Like they're not allowed to share their experiences without getting pre-approval or something? Please. Anyway, I am originally from Northern California and have lived in Minnesota for 15 years. I also lived in Nebraska several years. In my experience, the whole Minnesota Nice thing tends to be a two-faced passive aggressive kind of way of relating to people. It's not easy to get used to when you are used to a more direct, friendly type of communication. I have lived in downtown St. Paul and suburbs of both St Paul and Minneapolis, and worked and went to church in downtown Minneapolis. My experience of MN outside the twin cities area has been limited to a few vacations, cabin rentals, etc.

Oh and the Cub Foods thing, ironically, I actually experienced something similar in Rainbow Foods when I was about 8 months pregnant! I am not normally a wimp or a whiner but I was in tears by the time I left there and not one person helped me out in the slightest. Maybe it's a chivalry thing, men more often than not do not hold doors, give up seats on the bus or light rail, etc. That kind of basic civility seems to be lacking here.

I don't mind the weather here but because of the typical way people interact, I would prefer to live elsewhere. Unfortunately due to my husband's career, we are stuck here.

Oh and if someone wants to accuse me of being weird, unfriendly -- whatever, don't bother. I'm stating my experiences and my opinion, which I think is the point of this thread. If you have a different opinion, I certainly won't attack you. And for the record, I get along great with my neighbors, co-workers, etc. I am very involved in my community and have made many friends, but most of them are from outside MN and feel the same way I do about "Minnesota Nice".

[knke0402]

Like I said, MN people are reserved but deep down have more hearts than the rest of the country. You wont see MN running amok and causing a scene. Even watch pro sports, the fans are mature, reserved, and intelligent. If you need help you need to ask, but when you do be prepared to be taken care of.

[BJB817]

Even watch pro sports, the fans are mature, reserved, and intelligent.

Yeah, like when the umps had to stop the game and Tom Kelly had to walk out onto the field to tell the fans to stop throwing things at Chuck Knoblauch years back...

[rcsteiner]

Originally Posted by BJB817

Even watch pro sports, the fans are mature, reserved, and intelligent.

Yeah, like when the umps had to stop the game and Tom Kelly had to walk out onto the field to tell the fans to stop throwing things at Chuck Knoblauch years back...

Or when that fan threw a bottle at an official after the Cowboys' Drew Pearson made that controversial TD catch against the Vikings at Met Stadium. I remember that game SO vividly.

[susieJD]

Originally Posted by jkc1970

Hi,

I have been reading some posts on the Minnesota forum and am really surprised that people live there for years and never make any true friends. This is really disturbing to me. I have considered Minnesota for a move, along with upstate New York. I really would like to get some feedback about this "Minnesota Nice" - Is this the same as "Southern Hospitality"? Are people really that "Nice"? I think for the most part we live in a very "superficial" society today. People are more isolated and socially fragmented than ever and it really doesn't seem to matter where you live in light of this. We live in a very mobile society today where most people don't stick around and stay in the communities where they grow up and a lot of people don't have a social network anymore. That said, I don't think that moving around is a bad thing. People move for a variety of reasons - some good, some not so good, but a lot of times people move due to job availability, cost of living, quality of life issues - and who can fault people for that? I don't. But, to be honest, it is very hard to connect anywhere these days. I live in Colorado and you would think due to all the transplants it would be easy to make friends here. It is easy to meet people, but not easy to make lasting friendships I have found. And Colorado is not a "my dance card is full" type of place but yet you have the same problem. Ironically, in spite of great climate, 300+ days of sunshine per year, Colorado Springs was just listed as having the 2nd highest suicide rate in the nation (for urban areas in 2004) and I read somewhere that Denver was also high on the list. It really is mind boggling. I was talking to a fireman here in town once and he said that most of their calls are related to suicide attempts because people come out here and don't connect. That is so sad. What is wrong?

My husband and I moved here to North Central MN 10 years ago. I have made only 2 true friends and their way up north. No matter what I've done (invited them to dinner, coffee, lunch...taken them my home made food, etc.) they just won't warm up to us. I've talked to a lot of people that find this is the case just about everywhere here.

I'm an old farm woman and I need friends around me - I thought I found a few thru our church, but that wasn't the case. They turned out to be just nosy.

I'm still trying thought....

Susie in MN

[skipast75]

The truth about minnesota is it is a great place to live and make friends. I grew up there and when I went back this summer to get married, people I hadn't thought about in years came out of the woodwork. Minneapolis is a little tough but what cities are not? Duluth is a great place for younger people because of its strong cultural heritage. Art, music and festivals make it prime for meeting people. Not to mention some pretty cool bars and bistros. Jobs are tough to come by, but if you have a good resume, strong work ethic, and big smile you won't have to tough a time. Friends usually have big Bon Fires, and go to the beach for fun. Or Ski. You are always being invited some where for something. And Minnesota friends are loyal. I live in Montana now, and a group of about 30 Minnesotas still cling together out here.. Upstate new york is still new york. I know a few and they are either cool or not so cool. I think the recent loss of Minnesota nice is because of our countries loss of Morality. One too many bad people ruins it for everyone. Seems like a lot of creeps roam the streets of Duluth and Minneapolis. Maybe the welfare is too good? Attracts all kinds....

[pirate_lafitte]

Originally Posted by SassyBelle

No, you don't have try lutefisk if you don't want to. I never have (do not like the smell), but I seem to be comfortable here. This conversation is probably scaring a bunch of people from visiting or moving here. We are not that weird.

I may not have to, but I am willing to give it a try.

[whatnow]

Twenty years ago I moved here because I fell in love with a MN guy. After traveling with the military and living in different states and countries I have to say that making friends, to me, reflects on the person wanting these friends. Before we moved to New England for three years all I heard was how "aloof" those NEers are. Well, maybe they are but I had friends anyway and I don't think I'm aloof. HOWEVER, what both my husband and I were both looking forward to was enjoying the beauty that is New England. I grew up in the midwest (not MN) but LOVE the Atlantic ocean. So, I really enjoyed NE. From there is when I came to live in MN for the first time. My husband grew up in the TC area but we came up to Cloquet and both worked in Duluth. It wasn't easy to make friends at first for myself but our two children LOVED IT and have freindships today with those same kids (they're in their 30's now). I have lived in the south US but for me they're are too many people and too much crime. I keep searching City Data for that wonderful state to move to just to have milder winters but EVERYTIME I do I realize I already live in a pretty good state. I love the beauty of EASTERN MN - lived in western MN and only lasted 1.5 yrs. Realized to really enjoy that part of the state I'd have to be a farmer. As for MN Nice, I am kind of tired of the term because, really, what in the world does it mean anyway?! Seriously, you could put any states name in front of the work "nice" and come to the same conclusions. PEOPLE ARE THE SAME WHERE EVER YOU GO. Just seek out the ones you like and make friends. Or not. Whatever. If you live in a beautiful place be it country, city, or in-between be sure to enjoy it. Or move. I am looking to move but will stay in Minnesota - the part with trees, lakes, and hills because that is what I like. Good Luck everyone!! P.S. If you are still raising children and they are happy and in good schools that is such a huge plus! Good job? Also a huge plus. Sometimes making friends is over-rated anyway. ha! ha!