Is It Really That Hard to Make Friends in Minnesota? (homes, schools)

[pirate_lafitte]

Originally Posted by rcsteiner

Heh. That's right! Minnesotans sit in a sauna for a while and then run outside and jump in the snow, while Atlantans just stand around for a while outside in the normal weather and then run inside and jump into a cooler full of shaved ice.

In the end, it's the exact same thing.

The concept is the exact same thing, but in Atlanta metro, all you have is a dry sauna in Gold's Gym. That is why I want to try a real sauna. The closest I can get to it is turning on the shower to very hot and then very cold.

[rcsteiner]

Originally Posted by pirate_lafitte

The concept is the exact same thing, but in Atlanta metro, all you have is a dry sauna in Gold's Gym. That is why I want to try a real sauna. The closest I can get to it is turning on the shower to very hot and then very cold.

Our townhouse in Eden Prairie actually had a little sauna in the basement (it had an electric heater thingie with rocks in it that you'd pour water in), but we just used it to store boxes. We had a lot of boxes. We still do. After over three years, you'd think we'd be unpacked, but that isn't ... quite ... the case.

[pirate_lafitte]

Originally Posted by rcsteiner

Our townhouse in Eden Prairie actually had a little sauna in the basement (it had an electric heater thingie with rocks in it that you'd pour water in), but we just used it to store boxes. We had a lot of boxes. We still do. After over three years, you'd think we'd be unpacked, but that isn't ... quite ... the case.

There is a rule a Gold's Gym "DO NOT POUR WATER ON THE ROCKS", but some people do it anyway.

[livingjustonce]

Originally Posted by ald608

Interesting what you say... you would think that being a transplant then they would get together. I as a single girl did move to many large cities of the country mostly for school or work. Denver, Atlanta, Chicago and I did come from the Midwest near Chicago. I was shocked to find how superficial and non interested most people were to even try to connect. I was never sure really why and wondered if most people were too needy and depressed to just make any effort. After Denver I moved to Atlanta and my whole world changed. Within three months I had an entire network of friends and felt the depression of living in Denver under such un social conditions to just lift. Atlanta opened up to be a very supportive, open and more than willing to network city. Everyone always said.... call this person or contact this person and contacts were shared proudly and freely. I always think this is one of the reasons why Atlanta has such a high small business/ enterpreuneur success rate, people network freely and are not threatened to do so. I now live in Minnesota for almost four years now and found it to be bitterly unfriendly. I live in a very good neighborhood and was never welcomed or included to feel ANYTHING, although I have offered much to my neighbors it has never been recipricated or any experience to make me feel anything. It's quite odd and often i can walk down my neighborhood streets and say HI with no response in passing. It all seems so odd to me and very odd that they call themselves Minnesota NIce. Yes, technically they are polite but it is superficial to passive aggressive and i have many times heard them say negative things about the outsiders that come here.... right to my face. It is rude, insensitive and not understandable. Whenever I hear Minnesota NIce, for me, it's a reminder of unpleasant experiences. NOw Southern Hospitality.... that is real to me and brings a warm smile. Sorry Minnesota but it is my experience and it seems like people here have no idea how to put themselves in anothers postion since they have never been or moved anywhere else. They don't need anyone else nor are they interested. It is a shame. I am a great neighbor but have no one to appreciate or want it! For me it is a disappointingly unfriendly place and I have lived in eight states. I still work very hard and keep hopeful that I will find nice people. We call it Minnesota ICE not NICE... it is what we have experienced. It feels not normal to me... I have had wonderful neighbors in my life.

I am also a transplant. I have lived in Florida, Wisconsin, and Japan. I remember thinking how unfriendly people were when I was a kid and we visited Minnesota. I was always glad to leave. Now I am stuck here and experience exactly what you are saying -- you can be the only other parent on the playground and your hello is not returned. I have lived in the same apartment for 5 years and yet only know one couple. Even though my son is best friends with their daughter they are still standoffish. I have joined several social groups, but in each case people practically run home after the activity is over, as if afraid to talk to anyone. I find Minnesotans, icy, antiseptic and yes unfriendly. Drive around the Metro and people are likely to cut you off, you are not allowed to merge, and if you try to drive the conditions someone starts hurling profanities or racing around you. I joined a volunteer group and asked a simple question of the group and received only a rude, dismissive response for my pains. Eye contact is forbidden. Try to chat in a grocery line and people sneer. I once asked a group of people watching a baseball game at the health club what the score was and simply received a glare as if to say who the hell are you. Try to start up any conversation with someone and more than often you are ignored. I started wondering if it was just me, then I went to Wisconsin for a weekend and found myself engaged in pleasant conversations while shopping, getting coffee, etc. I am really tired of this state and would move if I could. So I sympathize with you -- we are in the same boat! Or maybe I should say toboggan.

[livingjustonce]

Originally Posted by lilamae217

It's sad to admit...but as a lifelong Minnesotan, I must agree with that characterization. Maybe not so much that we're superficial...I think we're a thoughtful and intelligent people overall. But it is nearly impossible to make new friends here. People are too clique-y...they hang around with the same people they've known since childhood and have no desire whatsoever to form new close friendships.

If you want to know my story, most of my close friends have moved away, unfortunately...and others have gotten married and settled down w/families. Once that happened I found myself totally alone....and depressed. Loneliness
hurts.

I'm a very outgoing and friendly person...the ideal kind of people I enjoy hanging out are like Jon Stewart types-edgy/funny/unpretentiously intellectual/good-spirited. This is a RARE animal in MN. My coworkers are 99.9% married w/kids, dead-eyed, boring, middle-aged male republicans. I've tried meeting people online, through meetup groups,transplant groups, bookclubs, friends-of-friends, and other social events with no luck. I either end up getting freaked out by some wierdo latching on to me or I just feel like I do not fit in at all.

Maybe we just need to form an anti-Minnesota nice conversation group. One in which the weather and sports are banned (even though I do like sports). One that requires smiling and actually responding to the other person. What a concept! And I know what you mean about the meetups -- so far they have been the most antisocial social groups I have ever met.

[roneb]

These last few posts strike me as out of the norm for MN. While attending college in MN every one was very nice. The only time anyone ever sneered at me was when (in a typical college student moment) I made a joking comment in a grocery line that was obviously taken the wrong way and considered inappropriate. On my more recent visits to check on business opportunities in Duluth I have always found the people to be warm, friendly, and open to conversation. I guess it may all be a matter of perception.

[CrystalIce]

I totally agree with the past posts. I grew up in Minnesota and moved to Duluth 13 years ago and still have not found close friends like I had growing up. I have also been to different groups - volunteer and a variety of children groups and it is the same, everyone just seems to run home right afterwards. I have made "friends in passing", that is people that when we see each other we stop and talk for a while, but that is it. Everyone seems to just stick with their family or friends that they grew up with and don't seem to want to let anyone in their close knit groups. People are nice on the outside, but that is it. If you hear "I'll call you", don't wait by the phone because it won't be coming. I thought maybe it was just me, but I am glad to hear that other people have the same problem. And, if people think that it is because I am dumpy and boring (or the other way snobby), those are words that have never been used to describe me. Maybe peoples lives are just so much busier now that they don't have time to go over to each others houses and just sit and talk or go to the mall and just hang out.

[moving123456]

Originally Posted by roneb

I guess it may all be a matter of perception.

.....or a matter of the people complaining. Maybe they have bad attitudes or some other issues to begin with which other people see and would rather not be around.

[Sarah Maske]

I find that if you work for a big downtown company (logo looks like a bullseye!) that there is lots of going out with workmates and so on. There is a really big happy hour scene amongst downtown workers.

[pirate_lafitte]

Originally Posted by CrystalIce

I totally agree with the past posts. I grew up in Minnesota and moved to Duluth 13 years ago and still have not found close friends like I had growing up. I have also been to different groups - volunteer and a variety of children groups and it is the same, everyone just seems to run home right afterwards. I have made "friends in passing", that is people that when we see each other we stop and talk for a while, but that is it. Everyone seems to just stick with their family or friends that they grew up with and don't seem to want to let anyone in their close knit groups. People are nice on the outside, but that is it. If you hear "I'll call you", don't wait by the phone because it won't be coming. I thought maybe it was just me, but I am glad to hear that other people have the same problem. And, if people think that it is because I am dumpy and boring (or the other way snobby), those are words that have never been used to describe me. Maybe peoples lives are just so much busier now that they don't have time to go over to each others houses and just sit and talk or go to the mall and just hang out.

Sounds like every place else. I don't think this issue is exclusively Minnesotan. I speak from experience. The "friends in passing" thing is kind of true in the South. Sure, people might talk to you and smile, but if you live in the suburbs that is kind of different. You might have that same "southern hospitality" but my experience has been that alot of people, particularly in the younger ages, have friends they have known their whole lives while living and when someone new comes along, they don't really "fit in" right away. The attitude is like, "yes, we talk to you, we smile, we act friendly, but you aren't quite in our world though." That is what I have found in some cases. The difference is in the personality. A person can be outgoing and seem friendly at the surface, but the clannish mentality is still the clannish mentality.