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Dear Mari,
I am not sure whether you are still looking into Afton and Stillwater, but in case you are, I thought I'd put in my two cents:
My family has lived in Stillwater for the past 10 years. We moved from a suburb slightly closer to St. Paul, and opted for Stillwater as it seemed to present a nice, small-town feeling community, but within reasonable range of the cities.
I have to say, moving to Stillwater, my expectations have really been met in every way. The community is lovely, and a fantastic place for a family - if you live near the actual down town area, you can also get by without a car for basic groceries, etc. (though not in the winter, of course). In short, I would highly recommend it as a place to live.
Afton is also very nice - however, I would say the majority of Afton is quite rural, so it really depends what you are looking for. You can find rural areas in Stillwater as well, but my impresion is there is more a clear town feel to Stillwater.
As for special needs services: I don't have any particular experience in this are. But I will say that the drive from Stillwater to St. Paul is about 40 minutes, and there would be an abundance of services there. The drive to larger suburban communities, such as Woodbury and Oakdale, is even more reasonable (20 minutes or so), and I am sure you would find a variety of services in either location. Stillwater may also have some providers of its own, or potentially Hudson, WI (which is directly across the rivie from Stillwater, so very easy to reach).
I hope that was helpful. If you need any more details, feel free to let me know!
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