Rochester: Friendly or Minnesota "nice"? (Minneapolis, Grant: how much, house)

[cdubs3201]

Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist

Whenever a topic like this pops up on this forum I am always (despite knowing better) surprised to see the level of general nastiness towards native Minnesotans that pops up; perhaps those suggesting that people from every other part of the country are across-the-board more "reliable, loyal, and fun" than Minnesotans, or that Minnesotans are all superficial, cold, and whatever other stereotypes you want to throw our way, should look at the mirror and realize that most people - regardless of state or country of birth - don't find it fun to hang out with people who peg them with rude stereotypes based on broad generalizations. I often tend to have more in common with people who have lived in a variety of places simply because we have some shared experiences with moving somewhere new, but that doesn't mean that I (or anyone) can't also have different shared experiences or interests with people who have always lived in the same place.

I think it is tougher to make friends in MN than it is in many places, but I've lived in five states outside of MN (on both coasts and in several different regions, and in varying sizes) and it can be difficult anywhere. I think in general it is easier in a city than it is in a smaller town, and probably easier in the city than in a suburb.

But really, when it comes down to it, while there are cultural differences between different regions of the country, people are essentially the same everywhere. Some are nice, some are not. Minnesotans are not any "nicer" (real or fake) than those elsewhere.

Not to be rude, but this post really doesn't make much sense. It seems you're looking to start a thread-fight or argument. Your separate paragraphs contradict your point that you are failing to make. First you rip people who have had negative experiences in MN or have a stereo-type of them (everyone has stereo-types, even you). Then you go on to practically agree with those stereo-types you are criticizing. And finally you just say everyone is the same everywhere. What is your point?

The OP is asking for personal experiences. You could just leave out the first and last paragraph and that is YOUR personal experience and leave it at that. Your PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE attempt to call other posts "nasty" in some way goes toward the point of people ripping on the MN level of friendliness.

People have a right to their opinions.

[Clifford63]

Originally Posted by cdubs3201

Not to be rude, but this post really doesn't make much sense. It seems you're looking to start a thread-fight or argument. Your separate paragraphs contradict your point that you are failing to make. First you rip people who have had negative experiences in MN or have a stereo-type of them (everyone has stereo-types, even you). Then you go on to practically agree with those stereo-types you are criticizing. And finally you just say everyone is the same everywhere. What is your point?

The OP is asking for personal experiences. You could just leave out the first and last paragraph and that is YOUR personal experience and leave it at that. Your PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE attempt to call other posts "nasty" in some way goes toward the point of people ripping on the MN level of friendliness.

People have a right to their opinions.

UU is one of the most consistantly objective posters. I don't think he was trying to take away anybody's opinion and if you think it was passive agressive, you are way over sensitive. He is not ripping anybody, he is trying to explain how he sees it. I would agree that his point is valid. It can be hard to make friends anywhere.

If you really want to get down to the nuts and bolts of it, your posts seem to have a lot of edge. How can you say everyone else can have an opinion, but UU should not. That my friend is a contradiction, if I ever saw one.

[fromupthere]

I have found in my experience an equal amount of loyalty and reliability with my friends who are native to Minnesota and those who are not.

[uptown_urbanist]

Originally Posted by cdubs3201

Not to be rude, but this post really doesn't make much sense. It seems you're looking to start a thread-fight or argument. Your separate paragraphs contradict your point that you are failing to make. First you rip people who have had negative experiences in MN or have a stereo-type of them (everyone has stereo-types, even you). Then you go on to practically agree with those stereo-types you are criticizing. And finally you just say everyone is the same everywhere. What is your point?

The OP is asking for personal experiences. You could just leave out the first and last paragraph and that is YOUR personal experience and leave it at that. Your PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE attempt to call other posts "nasty" in some way goes toward the point of people ripping on the MN level of friendliness.

People have a right to their opinions.

People are certainly entitled to opinions, and yes, you can have your own stereotypes based on your experiences. It's just that it's tiring to see people make sweeping generalizations about Minnesotans - not about potential valid differences (or valid as I see it - meaning in terms of communication, etc.) but about differences about qualities that I feel can be found (or not universal) regardless of state, city, region, ethnicity, etc.. There is a difference between possible cultural differences/approaches (such as whether Minnesotans as a group tend to be more reserved than people in some regions) and whether or not people are loyal, nice, or have other friend-worthy traits. I wanted to voice my opinion so that others not familiar with Minnesota wouldn't come away with the impression that everyone from or living in MN agrees with the belief that native Minnesotans are boring, mean, superficial people, and that somehow as a group they're raised to have different core values than everyone else in the country.

I don't think I was being passive-aggressive, actually. I meant to be direct with my message, which was: Minnesotans can be mean, Minnesotans can be nice. So can people everywhere. Those posters (this thread has been pretty tame, actually) that pop up and bash native MNs for all sorts of slights simply need to think that maybe, just maybe, their bad attitudes are leading to them to prejudge people before giving them a chance.

Thanks, Clifford, for the nice words.

[tindo80]

Originally Posted by Acer19

Actually, you tend to get both of those things in Minnesota.

After being here for eight years though I have learned how people from Minnesota think and act. I think I fit in now rather well. I learned what to do and what not to do here. Once I learned how things worked here, things have turned out pretty good. I have lived in many states and Minnesota by far was the hardest to adjust too that is for sure.

Interesting.

Ive known several 'transplants' to MN who say the same thing, it sucks bad at first if you are coming from the more 'social' west or east, but once you 'figure it out' its ok.

Im getting ready to finish school and decide where I want to live for good, and though I am 90% sure I want to either move back the the greater northwest (opposite of minnesota nice, no tact, but extremely open friendliness), the economy is tough and seems a bit more stable here.

I am wondering for myself, is it worth 'figuring out'? What happens in 10-20 years down the line if I want to move again...would my personality change to something similar to locals, which as I said, is very polite, but highly standoffish and fairly off putting...which can be seen in some part of the country as rude and overly passive aggressive? It seems folks from outside MN (except folks from down south) get along a lot easier both with others than people from here, or who have been here most of their lives.

Would adapting ones personality to becoming 'Minnesota Nice' be an overall better thing than remaining in ones previous mindset and letting things frustrate you?

[uptown_urbanist]

I haven't heard of Minnesotans being considered "rude" very often - I've heard passive aggressive and cold, but (to me) rude implies more directness than many Minnesotans are comfortable with.

If you live in the Minneapolis, at least, I don't think it's necessary to have to change one's personality just to meet new friends or to function in community. (probably elsewhere, too, but haven't lived in other MN locations other than Mpls) Also, as a native Minnesotan who has since lived elsewhere (both east and west coasts) I never had difficulties fitting in. You still have to work to meet people anywhere, but don't worry that living in MN will somehow taint you or make it difficult to live elsewhere. And really, you have to "figure out" the ins and outs of everywhere you live, and to some extent that's some of the fun of moving to a new place and learning how it works.

I get annoyed by certain traits I see as being particularly Minnesotan, but then again, there's things elsewhere that bug me, too. There's a very wide range of views, personalities, and approaches in Minnesota, and there's room for everyone to fit in.

Understanding how others think and sometimes adapting approach to the situation: good, changing your own core personality as a result: unnecessary.

[cdubs3201]

The way you receive Minnesotan's or the "Minnesota nice" depends on the person. Do you want to be sold bullsh*t and buy it? or would you rather have someone tell you how it is?

Minnesotans will be nice to your face, just about all of them. But in all honestly, you may never have an understanding of who REALLY is your friend, or if someone even likes you at all, because they will act the same way to you regardless.

It's been my experience in other areas that if people don't like you, you will at least know it. And when they do act like your friend, you can trust the fact they truly like you and really are your friend, because there is no layer of BS.

Even if you try to call out a Minnesotan or apologize for any reason you believe as to why they dislike you, the Minnesotan will still continue to down play it like it's no big deal and that you are truly friends.

That I can say is definately a MN trait that most share, not all, but most. I'm not naive to think it's not like that in other areas of the country (maybe the south), but there's definately places in the country where people are not so full of BS.

How's that for an opinion?

[rcsteiner]

Originally Posted by cdubs3201

That I can say is definately a MN trait that most share, not all, but most. I'm not naive to think it's not like that in other areas of the country (maybe the south), but there's definately places in the country where people are not so full of BS.

How's that for an opinion?

You appear to believe that politeness is BS. Okay...

(Slowly backing away...)

[Clifford63]

Originally Posted by cdubs3201

The way you receive Minnesotan's or the "Minnesota nice" depends on the person. Do you want to be sold bullsh*t and buy it? or would you rather have someone tell you how it is?

Minnesotans will be nice to your face, just about all of them. But in all honestly, you may never have an understanding of who REALLY is your friend, or if someone even likes you at all, because they will act the same way to you regardless.

It's been my experience in other areas that if people don't like you, you will at least know it. And when they do act like your friend, you can trust the fact they truly like you and really are your friend, because there is no layer of BS.

Even if you try to call out a Minnesotan or apologize for any reason you believe as to why they dislike you, the Minnesotan will still continue to down play it like it's no big deal and that you are truly friends.

That I can say is definately a MN trait that most share, not all, but most. I'm not naive to think it's not like that in other areas of the country (maybe the south), but there's definately places in the country where people are not so full of BS.

How's that for an opinion?

If that is how you see it, that is what matters.

If somebody does not like me, fine. I don't need them to tell me that. It is somewhat civil to just be cordial and that is what a lot of people do. It seems a bit immature and unrealistic to expect everyone to like you or tell you why they don't. The larger question is what are you doing that so many people find unattractive? Must be doing something against the grain to get this reaction. Sometimes that can be real subtle. If you ever go to Denmark, try talking to somebody on the train in the morning, they will probably be short or seem cold. You could say they are unfriendly, but it is really the case where they like it quite in the morning or something like that.

I have moved more times than I care to remember, and it takes awhile to make new friends. Not so hard to met some people, but knowing somebody is a lot different than having them as a friend. Every place seems to have it quirks, you just have to figure it out and go with the flow.

I think one trait of people here is they are a bit stuck on how things should be. If somebody new comes rolling into town and starts voicing opinions on everything that is wrong, they get a pretty cold shoulder. You come across as the type that does that by your posts. People marry too young, it is not urban here compared to Chicago .... Try to find some common ground, listen to what people have to say and they might be more willing to open up. You don't need to be a sheep about it, just lighten up a little and you might find something to be happy about.

[cdubs3201]

Originally Posted by Clifford63

If that is how you see it, that is what matters.

If somebody does not like me, fine. I don't need them to tell me that. It is somewhat civil to just be cordial and that is what a lot of people do. It seems a bit immature and unrealistic to expect everyone to like you or tell you why they don't. The larger question is what are you doing that so many people find unattractive? Must be doing something against the grain to get this reaction. Sometimes that can be real subtle. If you ever go to Denmark, try talking to somebody on the train in the morning, they will probably be short or seem cold. You could say they are unfriendly, but it is really the case where they like it quite in the morning or something like that.

I have moved more times than I care to remember, and it takes awhile to make new friends. Not so hard to met some people, but knowing somebody is a lot different than having them as a friend. Every place seems to have it quirks, you just have to figure it out and go with the flow.

I think one trait of people here is they are a bit stuck on how things should be. If somebody new comes rolling into town and starts voicing opinions on everything that is wrong, they get a pretty cold shoulder. You come across as the type that does that by your posts. People marry too young, it is not urban here compared to Chicago .... Try to find some common ground, listen to what people have to say and they might be more willing to open up. You don't need to be a sheep about it, just lighten up a little and you might find something to be happy about.

I love how someone voices an opinion that isn't in agreement with another's so they are deemed as to have "something wrong". I don't want people coming up to me and telling me they don't like me to my face, what a world that would be! I just don't like the phony-ness and people who pretend to be your friend, or go out of their way to be friendly when they have dislikes about the person. I like know who my friends are. I just found from personal experience that there was a lot of that goin on in MN.

Also, do you really have that much time on your hands where you research everyone's old posts and bring those into a discussion that has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TOPIC?

Really? Ya do that? Really?