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Old 07-23-2007, 10:11 AM
 
Location: MO Ozarkian in NE Hoosierana
4,679 posts, read 7,621,767 times
Reputation: 6742
A pair of couples [or, is that a couple of pairs,,, ] decided to leave the bright lights of a California city, and move to Missouri.

The menfolk, well, they decided they would go to one of the lakes and go fishing.

The men go to [insert your preferred store here] and buy all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the appropriate clothing, the lures, and a nice boat.

They rent a cabin in the woods right on the shore. They spend a small fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.

It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their rental, one of the men catches a fish. One fish.

As they're driving back to the house, where their wives are at, they're really depressed.

One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"





The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

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Old 07-23-2007, 11:55 PM
 
Location: Fontana, California
871 posts, read 1,297,196 times
Reputation: 529
I love me some jokes. Heres one of my stupid favriots. If I remember it right.

The teacher of a 4th grade classroom asked her students to draw a picture dipicting the word hungy. When the children were finished, she asked them to stand and explain their drawings.

Thefirst child stood and held up his picture "this is plate with no food on it" he stated proudly.

THen another child stood " This is a picture of man who's realy boney" The second child stated. THis continued on until the last child was now standing.
He shyly held up a picture of what looked like a circle with lines criss crossing throughout it.
"what is that? The teacher asked.

Its a picture of a butt hole with a spider web in it.

LOL! NOW THATS FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 07-24-2007, 03:36 PM
 
Location: MO Ozarkian in NE Hoosierana
4,679 posts, read 7,621,767 times
Reputation: 6742
bentaxlecrew... ROFLMFBO!!!


For you golfers... talk about a birdy...

Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green.

Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.

The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.

Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling around, we won't bring you next time."
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Old 07-24-2007, 04:41 PM
 
2,886 posts, read 4,431,899 times
Reputation: 4897
bentaxlecrew....http://www.sledxtreme.com/images/smiles/rofl.gif (broken link)


A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request. "I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"

"I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she replied.

No, I won't."

"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."

With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool.
"See," she said. "I knew you'd laugh!"

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied, "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."
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Old 07-24-2007, 04:51 PM
 
Location: Woods of Missouri with many Critters
25,441 posts, read 8,720,099 times
Reputation: 31389
MEN STRIKE BACK:

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should be open when she brings it!

WHY DO WOMEN HAVE SMALLER FEET THAN MEN?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink!

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN A WOMAN IS ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING SMART?
When she begins a sentence with "A man once told me"

and then how about:

IF YOUR DOG IS BARKING AAT THE BACK DOOR AND YOUR WIFE IS YELLING AT THE FRONT DOOR, WHO DO YOU LET IN FIRST?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Then there is this one:

I MARRIED MISS RIGHT...
I just didn't know that here first name was 'Always'

Do ya guys want any more of these?

HEE HEE HEE.....
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Old 07-24-2007, 05:03 PM
 
Location: Woods of Missouri with many Critters
25,441 posts, read 8,720,099 times
Reputation: 31389
then thar be these:

WHY DO MEN FART MORE THAN WOMAN?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure

SCIENTISTS HAVE DISCOVERED A FOOD THAT DIMINISHES A WOMEN'S SEX DRIVE BY 90%=
It's called a wedding cake

WOMEN WILL NEVER BE EQUAL TO MEN UNTIL THEY CAN WALK DOWN THE STREET WITH A BALD HEAD AND A BEER GUT, AND STILL THINK THEY ARE SEXY!!!

In the beginning God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman...

SINCE THEN, NEITHER GOD NOR MAN HAS RESTED.......

Can't believe I wrote these
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Old 07-24-2007, 05:11 PM
 
Location: SW MO
1,591 posts, read 2,321,897 times
Reputation: 982
Ohhhh! These are some real "groaners", you guys!

I must admit to LOLISOM a few times, though!!! Hahaha!

Get it? LOLISOM? I won't explain it unless no one gets it. I just made it up but I bet several of you will "get it" because of the context in which it was said. Hint! Hint!

Btw, a few of those jokes reminded me of my ex. Can't imagine why I don't miss him after all these years! Hahaha!
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Old 07-24-2007, 05:13 PM
Status: "Lake time is deducted from your age...;)" (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Branson-Hollister-Kimberling City
1,801 posts, read 3,392,196 times
Reputation: 1509
Default Man walks into a bar...

A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively "You've got great hair!" The man looked around but couldn't see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer.

A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say "You're a handsome man!" The man looked around, but still couldn't see where the voice was coming from.

When he went back to his beer, the voice said again "What a stud you are!" The man was so baffled by this that he asked the bartender what was going on.

The bartender said "Oh, it's the nuts--they're complimentary."

...mmmmmmmIgetit.
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Old 07-24-2007, 05:14 PM
 
Location: Woods of Missouri with many Critters
25,441 posts, read 8,720,099 times
Reputation: 31389
Default lolisom

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsgenealogy View Post
Ohhhh! These are some real "groaners", you guys!

I must admit to LOLISOM a few times, though!!! Hahaha!

Get it? LOLISOM? I won't explain it unless no one gets it. I just made it up but I bet several of you will "get it" because of the context in which it was said. Hint! Hint!

Btw, a few of those jokes reminded me of my ex. Can't imagine why I don't miss him after all these years! Hahaha!
Now would that be "Lots Of Laughs In Spite Of Myself'???
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Old 07-24-2007, 05:15 PM
 
Location: Woods of Missouri with many Critters
25,441 posts, read 8,720,099 times
Reputation: 31389
Default Nuts

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lake Junkie View Post
A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively "You've got great hair!" The man looked around but couldn't see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer.

A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say "You're a handsome man!" The man looked around, but still couldn't see where the voice was coming from.

When he went back to his beer, the voice said again "What a stud you are!" The man was so baffled by this that he asked the bartender what was going on.

The bartender said "Oh, it's the nuts--they're complimentary."

...mmmmmmmIgetit.



big GROANNNNNNNNNNNNNN
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