MO folks, have any good jokes to share with us?? (Rea: casinos, income)

[Northwoods Voyager]

And then this one for a certain Moderator:

..................You might be an engineer if ...

... choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.

... you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.

... in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.

... the salespeople at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.

... at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.

... you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.

... you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.

... you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.

... you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.

... you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.

... you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.

... you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

... you know what http:// stands for.

... you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.

... you see a good design and still have to change it.

... you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.

... you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.

... you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.

... you window shop at Radio Shack.

... your laptop computer costs more than your car.

... your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.

... you've already calculated how much you make per second.

... you've tried to repair a $5 radio.

[ozarksboy]

The Baptist preacher went visiting one day and drove out to see an old farm couple.

He drove down the lane and found them hoeing the big garden. After getting out and making a little small talk, the preacher looked around the place and commented, "Folks, you have a beautiful place here. You've got a pretty house and your yard is large. You've got a big barn and lots of cattle. I'll bet all those chickens give you plenty of eggs. And this garden is absolutely picture-perfect. Yes, indeed you and the Lord have really done a magnificent job here."

The old man shuffled his feet, looked at his wife, then looked at the preacher, and said, "Well, thankee, preacher, but you should've seen this place when the Lord had it all to Hisself."


A deacon in my church told that joke to a bunch of us one Sunday while we were sitting in the fellowship hall waiting for the womenfolk to get the carry-in dinner ready.

[Cali BassMan]

Originally Posted by ozarksboy

A deacon in my church told that joke to a bunch of us one Sunday while we were sitting in the fellowship hall waiting for the womenfolk to get the carry-in dinner ready.

I bet you all spit your coffee all over your Sunday go to meeting clothes..

[northbayeric]

Originally Posted by ShadowCaver

Oh please no, you butter not!!!

Oh come on, Shadowcaver--this isn't going to hurt a bit!......

The cannibal's new cookbook, titled "How to Better Serve Your Fellow Man" was written by a guy who had a wife and ate kids.

[northbayeric]

There was a young man who had been working as a bagger in a Schnuck's supermarket for nigh unto ten years. One day, new orange juice machines were installed.

Brimming with excitement, he went to his manager and asked him if he could work the juice machines. But the manager turned the bagger down.

"Why not?" the bagger asked him? "I've been working here for nearly ten years now. Why can't I run the orange juice machines?"

And the manager said......

Are you ready for this one?

"I'm sorry, but baggers can't be juicers."

[Northwoods Voyager]

Ok, no offense to anyone...it's a joke:
He who is without sin

Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.

"This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.

"Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head.

"Aw, c'mon, Dad..." Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"

[Northwoods Voyager]

Originally Posted by northbayeric

Oh come on, Shadowcaver--this isn't going to hurt a bit!......

The cannibal's new cookbook, titled "How to Better Serve Your Fellow Man" was written by a guy who had a wife and ate kids.

.............

[ShadowCaver]

Two ropes walk in to a bar, one rope calls the bartender and says “Barkeep, let me get a couple of beers.” The bartender says “I’m sorry we don't serve ropes in here.”

Frustrated the ropes walk out and, since this was the only bar in town, they thought about it a little while when finally one rope says “I’ve got an idea.” So she gets herself into a bind and frizzles her ends and walks back into the bar and says “Barkeep, can I get a couple of beers.”

The barkeep says “Hey, aren’t you those same two ropes that came in here earlier?”

The rope answers “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”

[Northwoods Voyager]

Originally Posted by ShadowCaver

Two ropes walk in to a bar, one rope calls the bartender and says “Barkeep, let me get a couple of beers.” The bartender says “I’m sorry we don't serve ropes in here.”

Frustrated the ropes walk out and, since this was the only bar in town, they thought about it a little while when finally one rope says “I’ve got an idea.” So she gets herself into a bind and frizzles her ends and walks back into the bar and says “Barkeep, can I get a couple of beers.”

The barkeep says “Hey, aren’t you those same two ropes that came in here earlier?”

The rope answers “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”

Arghrrrrrrrrd or something like that;;;

..........

[HMcD]

Two mothers were discussing their children, their hobbies, names and the like. One asked "You named your oldest girl 'Alexus'. Is that a family name?"
"No", replied the other, "That's what I would be driving if I hadn't had her!"