MO folks, have any good jokes to share with us?? (Mexico: house, rental)

[mamagator54]

My husband and I were sitting around discussing what to do when we grow old.
I told him I never wanted to live in a vegetative state, connected to wires and be given liquids from a bottle. That would be no way to live. "Please do not let that happen to me." I told him.
So he got up unplugged my computer and threw out my wine!

[Darlynn0217]

Dumb Missouri Laws

It is not illegal to speed. (Repealed) Buckner

In this small town of only 4,000, yard waste may be burned any day except Sunday. Excelsior Springs

Hard objects may not be thrown by hand.
Worrying squirrels is not tolerated. Kansas City

Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely.
Installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited. Marceline

Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters. Marquette

It is illegal for more than four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The Brothel Law). Mole

Frightening a baby is in violation of the law. Natchez

It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants. Purdy

Dancing is strictly prohibited. St. Louis

It's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. This law refers back to the extinct Italian celebration, Hill Day, when beer was served in buckets.
A milk man may not run while on duty. University City

Four women may not rent an apartment together.

[Ozark-Baby]

If your computer does this
when copying a file...









You KNOW it's been infected with some crappy virus!

[Darlynn0217]

Here's another silly one!

[mamagator54]

3 women, 2 younger and 1 senior citizen were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. One of the young women pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. "That was my pager" she said. I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The other young women lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained. "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The older women felt very low-tech. Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive.
She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear-end.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.
The older woman finally said.........
"WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT... I'M GETTING A FAX!"

[HMcD]

An older Missouri gentleman got a little heavy on the gas late one afternoon and was pulled over by a Missouri Highway Patrol Officer. The officer walked up to the car and, looking down at the old gentleman, said "I'm going off shift in a few minutes and if you have a good story, I'll let you go." The old gentlemen looked up at him and replied "Sorry, officer. You see, my wife left me for a MHP officer about two months ago. And there for a minute, I thought he was bringing her back!"

[northbayeric]

Say, did you hear the one about the guy whose Internet connection jammed up? He punched his computer and broke his hand! The hospital nurse said he needed tech-knuckle support.

[Northwoods Voyager]

Hahahahahahahahaha..nbe.....:

[Darlynn0217]

You might recall that on July 8, 1947, almost exactly 60 Years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico. This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other Federal Agencies and organizations. However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of March 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born
Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer
See what happens when aliens breed with sheep? I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It did for me.

[HMcD]

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asked the man if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No", he said, "the seat is empty". "This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl , the biggest sport event in the world, and not use it ?"

Somberly, the man says, "Well... the seat actually belongs to me. I was supposed to come here with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head, "No. They're all at the funeral."