Posts about unfriendly Missouri communities and people (St. Louis, Columbia: fit in, condo)

[misplaced1]

There seems to be more than a few posts about areas in Missouri that are unfriendly to those coming to the state from elsewhere. I'm curious if many people move and feel that way or if it is few and those are just the ones posting because often it seems that those who have a gripe are the ones that take time to comment.

Thoughts?

[ozarksboy]

Originally Posted by misplaced1

There seems to be more than a few posts about areas in Missouri that are unfriendly to those coming to the state from elsewhere. I'm curious if many people move and feel that way or if it is few and those are just the ones posting because often it seems that those who have a gripe are the ones that take time to comment.

Thoughts?

Misplaced1, I think complaints about unfriendly communities and people are a bunch of hooey. I personally am the most unfriendly individual on city-data towards outsiders, yet I would not be unfriendly to someone who moves to Rolla. I would be civil and I would welcome their contributions to community life.

What makes people complain about unfriendly communities and individuals is merely a matter of perspective. Try to imagine the following scenario:
Misplaced1 has moved to Rolla from California and is sitting in a booth at Alex's Pizza with a co-worker.

"This is really a boring place, after all," says Misplaced1. "There's nothing to do. The only real culture is the Campus Performing Arts Series and the Ozark Actors Theatre."

"Oh, I know," says the co-worker. "I grew up here, moved away, came back and thought I'd die, but don't worry. You'll get used to it. And you can always go to St. Louis."

"I don't want to have to go to St. Louis every weekend, but I may have to," says Misplaced1. "There's no place to shop here. Isn't this town ever going to get a mall?"

"I doubt it," says the co-worker.

"And I'm so tired of these religious fanatics inviting me to church," says Misplaced1.

Continuing, Misplaced1 says, "And I'm not even going to talk about this crazy weather. I've never been so cold in the winter or so hot in the summer. Tornadoes in the spring. Drought in the summer. Ice storms in the winter. It's nuts."

"And these silly people talk about high school football, high school band, high school plays like they're the NFL, the New York Philharmonic and Broadway. What's with this people? I grew up after I graduated," says Misplaced1.

"I guess they've either got kids in school or no life," giggles the co-worker.

About that time, a big ole boy gets up from the table nearest booth where Misplaced1 has been holding court. He takes a step or two over to the booth.

"Ma'am, I couldn't help overhearing your conversation," he says, adjusting his NASCAR cap and grinning. He is missing a tooth. "I sincerely hope you are able to move away from here as soon as possible and make both of us happy."

He leaves, and Misplaced1 turns to her friend, "Who was that hayseed?"

"Oh, that's just the guy everyone calls Ozarks Boy," the friend says. "He's been around here a long, long time. Someone told me he used to live down in Georgia."

"Well, that was just rude," says Misplaced1. "That's another thing I don't like about this place, the people who have been here a long time or who are natives are just so unfriendly. A new person, especially one like me from California, has such a hard time fitting in because of that attitude. I need to do everyone a favor and get on city-data and warn people about how unfriendly Rolla is."

This is a work of fiction, but I think it depicts a truth.

[Silvermouse]

Originally Posted by ozarksboy

Misplaced1, I think complaints about unfriendly communities and people are a bunch of hooey. I personally am the most unfriendly individual on city-data towards outsiders, yet I would not be unfriendly to someone who moves to Rolla. I would be civil and I would welcome their contributions to community life.

What makes people complain about unfriendly communities and individuals is merely a matter of perspective. Try to imagine the following scenario:
Misplaced1 has moved to Rolla from California and is sitting in a booth at Alex's Pizza with a co-worker.

"This is really a boring place, after all," says Misplaced1. "There's nothing to do. The only real culture is the Campus Performing Arts Series and the Ozark Actors Theatre."

"Oh, I know," says the co-worker. "I grew up here, moved away, came back and thought I'd die, but don't worry. You'll get used to it. And you can always go to St. Louis."

"I don't want to have to go to St. Louis every weekend, but I may have to," says Misplaced1. "There's no place to shop here. Isn't this town ever going to get a mall?"

"I doubt it," says the co-worker.

"And I'm so tired of these religious fanatics inviting me to church," says Misplaced1.

Continuing, Misplaced1 says, "And I'm not even going to talk about this crazy weather. I've never been so cold in the winter or so hot in the summer. Tornadoes in the spring. Drought in the summer. Ice storms in the winter. It's nuts."

"And these silly people talk about high school football, high school band, high school plays like they're the NFL, the New York Philharmonic and Broadway. What's with this people? I grew up after I graduated," says Misplaced1.

"I guess they've either got kids in school or no life," giggles the co-worker.

About that time, a big ole boy gets up from the table nearest booth where Misplaced1 has been holding court. He takes a step or two over to the booth.

"Ma'am, I couldn't help overhearing your conversation," he says, adjusting his NASCAR cap and grinning. He is missing a tooth. "I sincerely hope you are able to move away from here as soon as possible and make both of us happy."

He leaves, and Misplaced1 turns to her friend, "Who was that hayseed?"

"Oh, that's just the guy everyone calls Ozarks Boy," the friend says. "He's been around here a long, long time. Someone told me he used to live down in Georgia."

"Well, that was just rude," says Misplaced1. "That's another thing I don't like about this place, the people who have been here a long time or who are natives are just so unfriendly. A new person, especially one like me from California, has such a hard time fitting in because of that attitude. I need to do everyone a favor and get on city-data and warn people about how unfriendly Rolla is."

This is a work of fiction, but I think it depicts a truth.

You hit the nail on the head, OB.

[MoNative34]

Originally Posted by misplaced1

There seems to be more than a few posts about areas in Missouri that are unfriendly to those coming to the state from elsewhere. I'm curious if many people move and feel that way or if it is few and those are just the ones posting because often it seems that those who have a gripe are the ones that take time to comment.

Thoughts?

I think there is some truth to it. And much of it has nothing to do with newcomers adjusting. I've been in this neck of the woods for almost 10 years and have done everything I can to be a good neighbor whether it be help round up cattle that have gotten loose, finding a missing coon hound on my place and calling the owners, supporting local businesses (and rarely being thanked) or going to the funeral home and offered condolences to the family when a neighbor (that I know of course) passes away, yet I'm still referred to as that "kid" (I'm a responsible 36 y/o man) that bought that Baker farm and built that house (and yes I have actually heard people say that right in my presence) or not said hello to or waved at unless I wave first or seem the least bit interested in a freindly conversation. I can't tell you how many times I've had to introduce myself more than once or repeat my name. These instances are mostly with people that have lived here all their lives that have thier cliques. Most of the friends I have made have not spent their lives here. Personally, I could care less if you moved here last month or your family settled here 90 years ago, but that's the general pattern I've seen. The friendliest neighbor I had moved here way back in '71 and feels the same way about things as I do.

And being invited to church does not bother me in the least. Nor should it upset anyone when I say "no thank you".

So yeah... Just because you don't complain about how things should be like where you came from, people can still be pretty insular nonetheless. Maybe just a local thing I dunno. That's why I miss southern Missouri so much because I think they are friendlier down that way. My experience may be different from OB or Silvermouse because there is very little out of state migration into the part of the state I live in versus SW MO so I'm not trying to disagree with either of you (I do agree with a lot of what OB says in general).

36yrsinMissouri

[christina0001]

I've never had a problem, in the 2 years that I have lived in MO. Everyone has been very friendly, without exception.

[DinsdalePirahna]

Never had a problem with the people of Missouri, they are as gracious and friendly as almost anyone else I've met from Maine to Hawaii.

Its just some of the endemic little (cultural) personality traits that bother me - not being proactive, tailgating, not returning phone calls or emails, the acceptance of mediocrity, the parochialism - Its worse here than any other state I've ever been in.

[ozarksboy]

Originally Posted by MoNative34

I think there is some truth to it. And much of it has nothing to do with newcomers adjusting. I've been in this neck of the woods for almost 10 years and have done everything I can to be a good neighbor

Let me get this straight, MoNative. You were born in this state 36 years ago, you grew up and moved up to north Missouri 10 years ago and bought a place and the small-town and country folks there don't accept you as an equal.

I can't figure that out.

I am not from around here, although I've been here a good long while. I moved my family to Missouri from Georgia way back in 1953. I have lived in several small towns in southern Missouri and felt comfortable in all of them. The only place I didn't feel comfortable was Columbia when I went to the University there. I didn't fit in with the Easterners or the Westerners or even the St. Louisans. As soon as I graduated, I hightailed it back to the Ozarks and never left again--except for a few months when I tried to live in Texas and failed.

I moved to Rolla in 1984 and enjoy living here a lot. There are some people I'd just as soon not be around, primarily the snoots who look down their noses at rural Missouri.

Maybe the problem is that you are not rednecky enough. Maybe they sense that you are not really one of them. Even though I have a University degree and read widely, I am not ashamed of my hillbilly heritage. I revel in it, and relate more to the good ole boys than to the professors in Rolla. The good ole boys, although they may not have a college degree, are smarter than me in most ways; I enjoy talking to them and learning as much as I can about gardening, ag, the outdoors. It helps that I speak in a marked Ozarks twang, the result of growing up around my paternal grandpa, a true Ozarks man.

Maybe you just need to become more of a redneck.

[ozarksboy]

Originally Posted by DinsdalePirahna

Never had a problem with the people of Missouri, they are as gracious and friendly as almost anyone else I've met from Maine to Hawaii.

Its just some of the endemic little (cultural) personality traits that bother me - not being proactive, tailgating, not returning phone calls or emails, the acceptance of mediocrity, the parochialism - Its worse here than any other state I've ever been in.

I've read many of your previous posts and i know that you don't like it in Missouri. I sincerely hope you are able to move away from here as soon as possible and make both of us happy.

[DinsdalePirahna]

I bought a home here. I'm staying for a while. Get used to it.

And there is no way in hell that I will ever become a redneck.

I'm lucky because I REALLY like the community I live in. but I do miss the mountains and the beaches.

[graytabbie]

I had a temp job at a small company in a town near me. One day a conversation in the work area turned to a story about a woman who had moved to the town from out of state. One worker said something about the woman not fitting in and then added "kind of like graytabbie". It has been the only semi-direct comment that anyone has made to me. Well, besides the oldtimers asking why you are here and who your "people" are.